Friday, September 29, 2006

OH THE HUMANITY

Oh cruel fate, how come you gotta be so cruel? I got an email a few minutes ago from the editor of RELEVANT magazine, letting me know that my kick-ass story about eccentric celebs is posted in his online magazine.

I get there and I’m like “hey, my article is right there, in a real online magazine.” I get ready to post the announcement to my loyal web-page readers, when my Internet connection goes down.

OH THE HUMANITY.

Of course, I suppose you’ve figured out that the connection is back up; otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this fresh post.

But right now, at eleven at night, my connection is still down. I’ll probably get more writing done tonight then ever before. The Internet is such a distraction. The cable modem is downstairs, and every five minutes, whether I want to or not, I go down there and see if the little green “online” light is still blinking.

I even walked next door to the neighbor’s. They said the Internet was up, which is even more frustrating, because now it’s just ME and not something going on at the other end of the line at Comcast. Dammit!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

No time to blog

No time to blog . . . must . . . write . . . international best-selling novel . . . no time . . .

Monday, September 25, 2006

Monday's Blog Post-O-Complaints!

Today I installed 3 printers, 5 UPS, and a touch-screen. Thanks Don for the business. I organized the cabling in my techno-mobile. I mowed the lawn. Savannah’s school photos came in and she looks marvelous.

Writing a book is hard. There are so many words, and they have to be in the right order. There are characters, and they have to do and say interesting things. Things have to happen in a plausible way, but it can’t be just like real life, because real life is dull. It has to be entertaining and witty but not too witty.

Maybe I should just plagiarize something. But even that involves a lot of typing, and my fingers will get tired.

I might have to do research in order to make the book interesting enough for someone else to actually want to read it. All my science fiction is starting to sound like re-hashed Star Trek episodes.

My left elbow is all scraped up from me leaning on it, staring into my screen, trying to, by sheer force of will, to make shit happen in my story.

I don’t know my own mother’s address to send the school photos of Savannah to her. She moved.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

defragmentation achieved.

Let all peoples of Earth know that my laptop files are now contiguous. Long live laptop.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

why does this video exist??

It's official: this video is the weirdest thing I've seen on the Internets in a long time. Prepare to be amused and terrified.

Fun fact about the Internets!

If you Google the term "breathtaking breasts", my laptop story page comes up first.

Remember, the more you know, the more you grow.

Have a great weekend Internet junkies!

Friday, September 22, 2006

WAR IS A RACKET!

The following is an excerpt from a speech Gen. Smedley Butler delivered in 1933(…) It is one of over 1,200 speeches he delivered in over 700 US cities. In the first half of the 20th century, Gen. Butler was as well known as Colin Powell is today. He served 33 years in the US Marines and is one of only 19 people ever to receive TWO Congressional Medals of Honor - the highest decoration the US Military awards.

"War is just a racket. A racket is best described, I believe, as something that is not what it seems to the majority of people. Only a small inside group knows what it is about. It is conducted for the benefit of the very few at the expense of the masses.

I believe in adequate defense at the coastline and nothing else. If a nation comes over here to fight, then we'll fight. The trouble with America is that when the dollar only earns 6 percent over here, then it gets restless and goes overseas to get 100 percent. Then the flag follows the dollar and the soldiers follow the flag.

I wouldn't go to war again as I have done to protect some lousy investment of the bankers. There are only two things we should fight for. One is the defense of our homes and the other is the Bill of Rights. War for any other reason is simply a racket.

There isn't a trick in the racketeering bag that the military gang is blind to. It has its "finger men" to point out enemies, its "muscle men" to destroy enemies, its "brain men" to plan war preparations, and a "Big Boss" Super-Nationalistic-Capitalism.

It may seem odd for me, a military man to adopt such a comparison. Truthfulness compels me to. I spent thirty- three years and four months in active military service as a member of this country's most agile military force, the Marine Corps. I served in all commissioned ranks from Second Lieutenant to Major-General. And during that period, I spent most of my time being a high class muscle- man for Big Business, for Wall Street and for the Bankers. In short, I was a racketeer, a gangster for capitalism.

I suspected I was just part of a racket at the time. Now I am sure of it. Like all the members of the military profession, I never had a thought of my own until I left the service. My mental faculties remained in suspended animation while I obeyed the orders of higher-ups. This is typical with everyone in the military service.

I helped make Mexico, especially Tampico, safe for American oil interests in 1914. I helped make Haiti and Cuba a decent place for the National City Bank boys to collect revenues in. I helped in the raping of half a dozen Central American republics for the benefits of Wall Street. The record of racketeering is long. I helped purify Nicaragua for the international banking house of Brown Brothers in 1909-1912. I brought light to the Dominican Republic for American sugar interests in 1916. In China I helped to see to it that Standard Oil went its way unmolested.

During those years, I had, as the boys in the back room would say, a swell racket. Looking back on it, I feel that I could have given Al Capone a few hints. The best he could do was to operate his racket in three districts. I operated on three continents."

Thursday, September 21, 2006

I got another story published.

I just got my copy of Tales of the Talisman 2.2 in the mail today. My short story "Fuel" is on pg. 28, and I reread it after a long time, and the ending is great! Plus, there's a kick-ass illustration that goes with it by Liz Clarke. AND . . . there's a bio of me on page 81. I want each and every one of you to click the cover right now and order your copy today.

#14 to #5 in 1 day . . . hmmmmm

Some politics: Yesterday, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez went on a rant, calling GWB “the devil” and said he smelled sulfur, blab la bla. At the beginning of his speech, he recommended a book by Noam Chomsky titled Hegemony or Survival: America's Quest for Global Dominance (The American Empire Project). Out of curiosity, I looked it up on Amazon yesterday. It was number 14 on the top sellers list. This book was written in 2003.

Today, it’s at #5. Hmmmm.

the letter i wrote to the Governor and Congressman Vernon J. Ehlers

Dear ____________________,

I want you to do everything you can to return paper ballots to all Michigan polling places. I don’t trust the voting machines. There is no physical way to verify votes; computerized voting machines could be tampered with or malfunction.

I am a computer technician, yet with something as important as voting, I want something more concrete than a touch screen when I enter the voting booth. Even if the only result would be more faith in our voting system, it would be worth it.

I know it is close to the elections and I’m sure all kinds of money went into installing these electronic voting machines, but I feel they are going to ruin voting rights in Michigan, and in America.

Sincerely,

Dan Manning

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

happy monkey

Well, yesterday I turned 40. Thanks to the thousands of folks who sent me five dollars. That’s going to go a long way toward paying some bills.

Today I got a five dollar per hour raise! That makes me a happy monkey.

It feels like fall finally. I thought I’d go out and enjoy the great outdoors, so I picked up dog poop in the back yard. The air was fresh and crisp, except when dog poop smell wafted off the shovel into my large, manly nostrils.

Speaking of nostrils, I’ve noticed some gray hair, but it’s all in my nose hair. Isn’t that weird?

Well, thanks for stopping by the ol’ homepage. Ya’ll come back and visit again!

Monday, September 18, 2006

One of many reasons i hate local FM radio

So I get brave and turn on the local oldies station, thinking, “Oldies, how bad could they screw this up?” It started out okay, Janis Joplin’s 1971 hit “Me and Bobby McGee” from her album “Pearl.” Okay. That’s a pretty good song, it’s up there on my hypothetical list of really cool songs. So I’m thinking, “Maybe I can listen to local FM radio.” How do they screw up “oldies?” Simple. The next song was the 1982 suckfest that is “Ebony and Ivory.” After that, a barrage of the most banal, obnoxious commercials I’ve heard in a long time. I have two words for local FM radio commercial producers: “Stop yelling.”

And that’s why I don’t listen to local FM radio.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Out of sorts.

I’ve been tired and grumpy all day. I tried to watch the Lions, but it is painful to watch the same crappy team year after year, so we watched SpongeBob instead. Just looked it up, the Lions lost to the Bears 34-7. God they suck ass.

Deb was sleeping because she worked last night, and I was going crazy bored sitting around the house, so I took the girls to K-Mart so they could look at Halloween costumes. I sat in the lawn furniture section while they tried on masks and came over to “scare” me.

Later in the afternoon I learned how to juggle two softballs and a garden spade. I did pretty good.

I put the finishing touches on the new laptop installation. This thing is running so much better. I only loaded what I need, and I can’t believe the difference.

I did something I almost never do: I took a nap.

And now it’s nine PM, and I’m going to bed.

I also made my "writing brag sheet" page listing all the stuff I've had published. Hooray for me.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

How I spent Saturday

I spent today replacing my 40g hard drive with a 100g hard drive. I only put on the programs I need, and it’s going wicked fast now. I could have reformatted the old one, but having the old files on a backup HD makes me feel a little less nervous.

It went as smooth as expected, since I do this about five times a week anyway.

I had one appointment this morning, fixing wireless and removing Norton AV that was killing HP wireless printing service, when to bloated software programs fight, the only loser is the user.

I took Savannah to Circuit City and I bought what I have wanted for years: The first Star Wars movie on DVD. Now my life is complete.

Well, working on this laptop has eaten the entire day, so I have nothing more to write about.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Broken Sh*t III The Return of Broken Sh*t.

And the hits keep on coming: Now my friggin’ garage door opener spring snapped. First the plumbing, then the stove, now the garage door opener. If any of you out there have put some sort of hex on me, please lift it, because my shit keeps breaking. I’m really sick of spending time and money on friggin’ repairs. I hate work.

And there's another sequel in the works: my hard drive is getting ready to crash, every other time I reboot i get "Operating System Not Found" dammit. That's more money on replacement parts.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

my kid got fingerprinted today

My oldest daughter came in to borrow the stapler. For an "experiment" for school. She had ten pieces of tape, one labeled for each finger, on a piece of paper, one group of five for the left hand, one group of five for the right. She had printed the name of each finger neatly above each piece of tape.

Under the tape: her fingerprints.

I can understand they want the kids' fingerprints on file. I've given up any illusion of privacy or rights in this country a long time ago, and this is just one more minor chink in the illusion that you and I, as average taxpayer/consumer units, have any rights at all.

But come on already: if you want to fingerprint all the kids in school, just come right out and say what you're doing. Don't pretend it's some "experiment" for science class with some lame-ass fake school assignment. I mean Jesus Christ, just because we're wage-slave/serfs doesn't mean we're that stupid.

Monday, September 11, 2006

get in the kitchen and bake me a pie.

Let all people of Earth know that on this day I fixed the oven. I replaced the igniter. My wife made fun of the butt-crack that showed from under my shirt, and she said it proved that I was a handy-man. I told her to get in the kitchen and bake me a pie, but she didn't.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

the world seems a safer, happier place

Today I figured out what is wrong with the oven. I’m sick of stuff breaking. The plumbing, that’s two sinks, two showers, the fridge, one toilet and the washer. And now the oven.

But I used the Oracle of Google to discover the inner workings of the gas oven, and it turns out we have a glow-igniter, an igniter that glows red hot and then if it gets hot enough, it opens the gas valve. It has a little gap that burned through, and I took it out and walked to Lowes, but they didn’t have it, so I walked to the hardware store, and they didn’t have it, and I walked the APEX appliance parts store that Lowes and the hardware store told me about, but they were closed.

But knowing is half the battle, and during the walk I podcasted about everything I saw on Plainfield, and I stopped at Long John Silver’s and had the sampler platter.

Otherwise, I wrote, played video games and watched television. I’m still on my news blackout, and the world seems a safer, and happier place because of it.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

big dirt patch in yard


big dirt patch in yard
Originally uploaded by danmanning2001.
I’ve been flooded with emails of support following the horrific ordeal concerning the City digging up my yard for no reason. I’d like to send out a special thanks to all of the Taiwanese who sent their best wishes. You all certainly understand the hardship plumbing problems can cause. Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto!

Well, to follow up, today, two days after the violent upheaval that was my front yard, I was sitting here today, minding my own damn bidness, when ANOTHER truck with the evil word “UTILITY” on it pulls up, and a guy gets out with a bunch of red, blue, and yellow little flags in his hand. I went outside, and he wasn’t in the truck. Nope, he was standing next to my house getting ready to mark the underground utility lines – for the hole they had dug two days before. I told him that the hole was already dug and filled in and he went away. I love the Government in all its forms.

Today I set up some mailing software and did a spyware/windowsUpdate/virus check for one of my regular customers. I got some checks in the mail and I fixed my shower, which was clogged due to the sand in our plumbing. blab la bla. whatever.

humungus pixle art

biggest pixle art ever?

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

blogity blog bla bla

Today, I had to play plumber because of the sand in the plumbing, put there by Plainfield Charter Township and their digging for no reason.

I had one call today so far, an external hard drive that wasn't plugged in.

The President made a speech about the prisoners at Git-mo. They are going to be tried. But there are questions about how the evidence was collected.

The girls are back in school. It's nice to have them back in school.

I've been working on a new short story, another science fiction story that I hope will sell. I have a book to write.

great photo of the moon

link to photo

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

TONIGHT! A VERY SPECIAL DAN'S BLOG POST!

Tune in as Dan tells you titillating tales of wireless routers wrongly configured by overconfident yet inept owners, only to have handsome, daring computer technician Dan Manning ride in on his white Taurus to save the day.

Thrill to his exciting adventures, as he makes daring appointments, jotting down addresses, names and numbers whilst juggling boiling, scalding Starbucks Coffee, grasping a radioactive cell phone betwixt his manly, stumbled jowls and broad shoulders whilst battling the evil minions that are his fellow motorists careening down the Beltway at breakneck speeds.

Wince in terror as he connects routers to networks and wireless signals to connect frantic Internet users with technological hoobajoobas that might very well save their very souls!

Keen in orgasmic pleasure as he races home to repair not two, not three but four separate plumbing problems caused by the Evil City Workers who dug his yard up for absolutely NOTHING!

Pine with admiration as he types in his blog . . . no, wait, I’m doing that now. Please God~! someone help me! I wrote this crap and I’m stone cold sober. HA! I am the greatest problem solver named Dan who lives in my house!

Saturday, September 02, 2006

the wagoneers

This morning I fixed a Mac G5 wireless. I also mapped a keyboard shortcut so it would eject the CD player. Otherwise, I watched Star-Trek, washed the car, read some short-stories, worked on my own short-story.

I took the kids to the school and they rode the wagon down the hill. There’s video of the wagoneers on my website.

About Me

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I am the author of 8 books: Android Down, Firewood for Cannibals, Brain Giblets, The Cubicles of Madness, Booze and News, Get Your Zen On, Zen Happens, and most recently, Robot Stories. I live and write in Michigan. My website is at danmanning.com

this is my website:
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