Friday, April 27, 2007

boo!

Savannah's mask is awesome!
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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

ten most common passwords

from PC magazine, (who got it from inTechnology.com)

ten most common passwords:

1. password
2. 123456
3. qwerty
4. abc123
5. letmein
6. monkey
7. myspace1
8. password1
9. blink182
10. (your first name)


See yours in here? Might wanna change it.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Thus went Tuesday.


Today I finally got some work. I fixed email format insensibilities. I set up remote access for an expectant father who will be working from home. I surveyed the data backup requirements for backing up required files.

I came home and Lo, for in the East there I beheld a sign: FREE FIREWOOD. I went forth, and did take a cart around the corner, where many cubits of cherry wood awaited me so that I might take rightful possession. Then with the cart did I take the wood to the backyard, where I stacked it in accordance with the Laws of Gravity. And Lo, my back did hurteth. And so did I use the Saw of Chains to reduce it, and I did stack it according to the laws of Stacking.

And I revealed unto my Wife that which I had lay hidden for a fortnight: The World of Warcraft installation CD, purchased for 2 American dollars. And Yea did she allow it to be Installed, on the grounds that it would perish within another fortnight, for it is the Software of Trials.

Verily, a message came from the Sky Tower, and another customer forsooth must needs me to fix the Accursed Norton, which forbade the new Vista to speak with the Network Server.

Thus went Tuesday.

Monday, April 23, 2007

The Shiny 3mm bullet that liberated Ernest Hemingway from Ernest Hemingway;

No calls today. Deb and I walked to the library and back. We took Ginger, who walked with us. I read books, wrote, tweaked my website, entered a 750 word story in a writing contest, and that’s about it. I’m reading McSweeney’s Enchanted Chamber of Astonishing Stories (2004, Vintage Books, New York) and one story contains this gem: "The Shiny 3mm bullet that liberated Ernest Hemingway from Ernest Hemingway;"

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Friday, April 20, 2007

death to all toilets!

I started pulling out the rotting board from the underside of the porch overhang. Some birds thought it would be a good place to put a nest. Bullshit! They’re not putting any nest in my roof! Don’t worry; there were no eggs or baby birds in it, ya tree-huggers!

I was in the Goodwill, dropping off some old computer parts. I overheard a woman answer her phone and tell somebody, “I’m at the grocery store.” So she lied to whoever was on the other end. But that means nothing. I picked up a golf ball display case for three bucks. It holds 56 golf balls. I have to hit a lot more golf courses to fill that up with a logo ball from each course! Getting out of there wasn’t easy: I got in line behind some people who bought one of everything. “Mandy” was playing overhead. I switched lines, and of course that line suddenly got slower. The dude in front of me was amazed he could get Creedence Clearwater Revival on cassette!

So Deb and I went to an antique store and looked around. Two books I ordered, “America, the Book” and “The Art of Reasoning” came in. I ordered them off Ebay for almost nothing.

Then, the most amazing thing happened. Someone had a toilet marked “free” on the side of the road a block down. I took it and let the girls smash it. The video is either on my page www.danmanning.com, or on my youtube page http://www.youtube.com/user/danmanning2006.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Cho Seung-Hui, Rock Star . . .

Dear News Media,

Oh Media, I can't avoid you; I have an unhealthy urge to know what's going on. That's why I can't avoid noticing your absolute obsession with Cho Seung-Hui. He's on the TV news, news websites, and the papers. I suppose he'll grace the covers of TIME and NEWSWEEK. He's mugging into the camera, pointing his guns, making crazy speeches. I can't see how it is news. OK, we get it, he was a wacko.

How many copycats are out there thinking, "yeah, I could do that, I could be famous." How much has this wall-to-wall coverage of The Cho Show are you guys going to air? When does the DVD come out? When is the made for TV movie?

By giving Cho his moment in the sun, postmortem, you're just giving the next wacko more motivation to get famous. By declaring it, even on the day it happened the "Deadliest shooting in U.S. History," or "Deadliest shooting rampage in U.S. history," and "Deadliest mass shooting in U.S. history," you're setting a mark for the next crazy guy with a gun: "Can you break this record crazy people? The score to beat is 32!"

Report the news. I don't need to know Cho Seung-Hui's shoe size. By "glamorizing" this insane person, you're just egging on the next guy. Report that he left a goofy manifesto and some lame videos, but don't plaster his videos up everywhere for ratings. Don't worry, we'll sit through your damn commercials. . . .

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Sunday, Most Holy Day of Sloth . . .

Today I tamped down fresh mole tunnels with my bare feet. I took a lawn chair out to the driveway and sat in it. A strange, bright light was in the sky. I forget what it is called. Everything was warm. I read a book and soaked up the rays of this strange, unfamiliar ball of fire. I’ll call it, “the sun.”

I thought about taking a run, but didn’t. I watched 5 episodes of “Frasier.” I spoke to Barry on the phone. I spread fertilizer on my lawn. I spoke to the neighbor, Sharon briefly about how to kill moles.

I played tug-of-war with the dog. I read some more. I watched some more television. I played catch with my daughter.

I got a headache, and realized I had forgotten to drink coffee. I drank coffee.

I updated my blog.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Are mobile phones wiping out our bees? - Independent Online Edition > Wildlife

Are mobile phones wiping out our bees? - Independent Online Edition > Wildlife

[Scientists] . . . are putting forward the theory that radiation given off by mobile phones and other hi-tech gadgets is a possible answer to one of the more bizarre mysteries ever to happen in the natural world - the abrupt disappearance of the bees that pollinate crops. Late last week, some bee-keepers claimed that the phenomenon - which started in the US, then spread to continental Europe - was beginning to hit Britain as well.

The implications of the spread are alarming. Most of the world's crops depend on pollination by bees. Albert Einstein once said that if the bees disappeared, "man would have only four years of life left".

Thursday, April 12, 2007

who said the bible wasn't funny?

Ezekiel 23:20 says, "There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses." <------ Now that's some soul-savin' stuff right there!

a poem

April showers
Bring may flowers
But when it snows
It friggin' blows.

Today's rocketboom was kick-ass.

Rocketboom

The Vagaries of Human Existence.

#1: The Neighbors

Here’s an example: Let’s say you have a neighbor, let’s call him Bob. You might loan him a wrench, or watch football with him, or borrow a book, or marry his son/daughter. Whatever. You and Bob live next door to each other and you are friends.

Why is Bob your neighbor? What random set of circumstances caused Bob to live next door to you?

A realtor is involved in most home purchases. Some random realtor showed Bob a random set of houses that were available at the time, and he picked one. The same goes for you. You probably bought your house using a realtor. If you didn’t, just play along anyway. This is a hypothetical.

Had you (or Bob) picked a different realtor or a different house or a different time to move, Bob wouldn’t be Bob at all. He’d be someone else entirely.

Let’s say living next door to Bob results in you getting married. (You stole his wife, or you married his son or daughter, or you met someone at a cookout or party Bob throws one evening.) You get married and have kids. Your kids grow up and have kids. (This is all hypothetical, play along here folks)

The existence of your children and your grandchildren hinges on the lives and careers of two realtors, people who have probably been long forgotten.

What if you had bought from a different realtor? What if you had purchased a different home? What life choices did that realtor make to put him in your town at the time when your career and life put you in the position to buy a home?

Your entire life could hinge on when you called the realtor’s office. Let’s say at 9:06 AM Realtor #1 takes a bathroom break, and is away from his desk. You call at 9:06 and 30 seconds. Realtor #2 picks up your call, because Realtor #1 is in the bathroom, away from his desk. Normally Realtor #1 would have gotten this call, but not this time.

You chat with Realtor #2 and decide she’ll show you some available houses. She shows you a different set of houses, or maybe the same set of houses, only in a different order. Bob does not become your next-door neighbor. You never meet the spouse you would have had Realtor #1 simply skipped that second cup of coffee before coming to work.

Your entire life forks to a different future because a realtor you will never meet has an extra cup of coffee and has to go to the restroom to pee.

And this single detail is only rendered after your parents’ choices, your teachers’ influences, your education, your career path, your boss’s career path, traffic accidents, weather patterns, political events, social changes, stock market, and the economy have set everything up.

#2: Why “you” are even “you” in the first place.

And didn’t your parents and their parents end up creating YOU because of a set of random circumstances? How did they meet? Why did they meet? Ask them.
“Oh, I was planning to stay home that night but so and so had a cold so I went . . .”

“I was in line at the DMV when I look over and see this beautiful girl . . .”

“He was going through a difficult divorce, and I just happen to . . .”

#3: What We Can and Can’t Influence

We are responsible for our actions, we are responsible for our choices, but we are powerless over the set of choices we have at any point in time.

We can, however, try to influence our set of choices in the future, by bettering ourselves and building our careers (or by slacking off). We are not powerless in that. But we are completely at the whim of chance regarding our past set of choices and circumstances.

You cannot choose your parents. You cannot choose your grandparents. You cannot choose the subset of humans you have to pick from when choosing a mate. You cannot choose the subset of humans you can pick as friends.

You can choose from the subset. You can’t choose the subset itself.

#4: Yeah, that would be fantastic, but . . .

It would be great if there was a god. It would be nice if we were here for a purpose. I wish there were some intrinsic meaning to our lives. It would be nice if we carried on after we die. It would even be nice if there were such a thing as “luck.” But there’s not. Get that through your head now, and things will make sense a lot quicker.

It would be nice if these things existed, but they don’t; it is delusional to think that these things exist. God, spirits, ghosts, Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, and the Holy Spirit: All of these things are fantasies.

This is the world and everything in it: We are a bunch of primates riding on a speck of dust hurtling through the universe for no reason whatsoever.

Oh, and by the way, stop crapping on Atheists. You don’t choose not to believe in God any more that you choose not to believe in Superman. You just know it’s a load of bullshit.

#5: Religion: I believe in the Power of Vaginas

What is religion? What is belief? Let me ask you this: What is the difference between a religion and a cult? What if the Chinese instead of the Europeans had discovered North America and taken it from the Native Americans? Would Christianity be practices in the United States? A United States that doesn’t exist?

Why do you practice the faith you practice? Is it the same faith as your parents? I hate to break this to you believers, but the set of beliefs you hold is not a function of faith, it is a function of which vagina you came out of, and nothing more. Is it a coincidence that most Christians have Christian parents? I think not.

#6: Death: When you’re dead, that’s it.

One choice leads to another leads to another. And then you die.

Here’s what happens when you die: Nothing.

You stop functioning, your body starts to decompose, and hopefully, somebody puts you in the ground. That’s it.

The world keeps turning, but you’re no longer around to know it. People get up for work, they fight wars, make babies, whatever.

Your family and friends get together; they put you in the ground, cry, and get on with making their choices and living their lives. Until it’s their turn.



#7: It isn’t all doom and gloom . . .

If there’s meaning, you make it yourself. You have the warm sun, family, and friends. There are a lot of things to enjoy in this life. Be good to one another, stop fighting, listen to music, watch a movie, and read a good book once in awhile. Have a beer. Enjoy this life now, because, well, see #6.

www.danmanning.com

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The Don Imus Controversy

Don Imus is in trouble for calling the Rutgers women's basketball team a bunch of "nappy-headed-hos". Okay. Imus is an idiot, we all get it. I love seeing this dude squirm, and I hope he gets fired.

But what boggles my mind is this: People listen to Don Imus? Who in the hell is tuning into this pickled crypt-keeper windbag anyway? I am amazed anyone heard him say anything about anybody. People still listen to this ancient mummified ass-clown?

It's beyond me how anyone found out he said anything. Oh well.

post looks better at www.danmanning.com

Thursday, April 05, 2007

lunch

for lunch today, I ate a box of slim jim brand mild beef sticks. that's 15 "spicy smoked snacks."

About Me

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I am the author of 8 books: Android Down, Firewood for Cannibals, Brain Giblets, The Cubicles of Madness, Booze and News, Get Your Zen On, Zen Happens, and most recently, Robot Stories. I live and write in Michigan. My website is at danmanning.com

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danmanning.com

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