JOINING THE JONAS BROTHERS

My daughters are embarrassed by my new career choice. Oh, it is kind of late for me to make a major career change, but this is a great opportunity for me to make big money. Sure, I'm 42, my back isn't what it used to be, but I, Dan Manning, intend to join the boy-band The Jonas Brothers.

In order to make sure the band knows I'm sincere, I wear my Jonas Brothers tee-shirt everywhere. You don't know how hard these are to find in XL. I'm not sure why this embarrasses my daughters.

"Dad, that's totally gay," they tell me.

People tell me it won't work out. They say I'm a dreamer. They say I'll stand out, but I don't think so. That one kid is kind of tall. And if I grow my hair out, I'll probably fit in, despite weighing 210 pounds and being six foot tall. I tell you it can work.

They say just because my last name doesn’t happen to be "Jonas", I can't join.

I've sent in about a hundred audition audio and video tapes, mp3s and video files to the recording company, and despite their cease and desist order I intend to continue sending them in until they see reason. (N'Sync's lawyers tried that same crap on me back in the nineties, and it didn't work then either. The lead singers are all just threatened of me. Suck it Timberlake! Same goes for you Simon Le Bon!)

Oh sure, a music background would help. A singing voice would help. A time machine would help. I have none of these things, but I’m not going to let a little thing called reality come between me and my unattainable dreams.

My daughters hate it when I wear my Jonas Brothers wig. What's wrong with a full grown man walking around with adorable curly locks? Nothing, that's what.

"Daaad! Gawd!" my youngest one will say.

So what if I have the Jonas Brothers cranked on the minivan stereo when I pick them up after school?

What's the big deal?