When the hologram of Fat Elvis arrives to heal this once great nation of ours, only then can we move on and be the America we once dreamed of becoming.
Since the death of the Last Incarnation of Fat Elvis in 1977, all leading indicators show a decline in American dominance, the standard of living, and the quality of Network Christmas Specials.
I predict three Hologram Incarnations of the Holy Trinity of the Elvi: 1950s Army Elvis, 1968 Comeback Elvis, and Fat Vegas Jumpsuit Elvis, all on stage together, singing "In the Gheto".
When the Three Incarnations of The Elvi appear, our economy will heal, jumpsuit factories and Percodan labs will spring up. Velvet paintings of the Elvi will spur economic growth throughout the land. Eight-Track tapes will make a comeback.
Hologram Richard Nixon will appear unlooked for, unshaven, paranoid, and surly, grousing about the Hippies. Hologram Nixon, in alliance with the Three Incarnations of the Elvi, will set our foundering ship of state aright.