My home office features all the amenities you need for completely frozen feet in just minutes:
1. 1960 era tile floor directly over concrete slab brings your feet as close to the permafrost as you can get without going outdoors.
2. A window view on a frozen wasteland. Watch wildlife such as birds, squirrels, and other squirrels scamper for enough caloric intakes to survive sub-zero temperatures.
3. Internet access. View Facebook posts from your old classmates living in warmer areas as they brag about how @#$%ing warm they are.
In just minutes, your feet will be completely frozen. A bone-chilling experience. Added bonus for those of you suffering from Raynaud's disease: watch your affected toes turn bluish-white. Spectacular results! Here are just a few actual quotes from completely satisfied customers.
"My feet were freezing almost instantly. I felt like my toes were made of pure ice!"
"Is there a @#$%ing window open in here?"
"Is the heat off? Why is it so much colder in here?"
"This is like walking into a refrigerator."
Call or click today to learn more. Bring cash.