Thursday, August 31, 2006

my sad, sad little mean-spirited attitude

The road is closed down the street. Usually people cut through our neighborhood to get from 4 Mile Road to Plainfield Ave. But one end of the road is closed. You don’t know how much sick satisfaction I get when somebody comes tearing down the road and they have to turn around and go back. Ha ha ha F*ckers!

Other than my sad, sad little mean-spirited attitude, today is going great. I picked up a PC from a patio furniture place, and I am copying over all appropriate files in order to wipe this hard drive.

Later I’m going to a law office to show them how to back up files. All things on earth are good right now.

I tried Clamato for the first time today. Even though it sounds like a veneral disease, it isn't; it's tomato juice and it is delicious.

Alas, when things are going smoothly, blogs are boring. So Peace!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006


Oh God it’s 4:41 in the morning and I’m awake. This never happens to me. At least it’s not supposed to. I went to bed way early last night, so maybe that’s it.

Last night was the last night of the golf league and I did terrible. Thank goodness it was a scramble. I couldn’t hit a fairway.

Yesterday I had a motherboard replacement, a power-supply replacement and a wireless configuredoodle. I conquered all. I got a lot of writing done in two coffee shops between appointments. I got a five-dollar laptop that is now wireless and it kicks butt.

I’ve been keeping busy and writing and generally being a good boy.

They haven’t dug up my yard yet, but there are little blue flags in the front so I know its coming. I don’t care about the yard, as long as they don’t charge me. That stupid tree we cut down last year is getting its revenge.

Well, it’s too friggin early in the morning to be typing this crap, I think I might be able to go to sleep now.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Sailor On A Concrete Sea

My friend Barry has a new blog, Sailor On A Concrete Sea. He writes about his travels driving his truck around the country. It's a good read. little excerpt:
"Leaving my first stop, I can't help but laugh at the posted signs: '$1000 Reward for reporting illegal dumping' on the fences and signposts. Everywhere around them are old mattresses, tires, appliances, household junk, etc. piled up to five feet deep. "

You should check it out.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Glad religion is helping that region!

neat-o for a geek-o

Today I loaded something called “DSL” which in this case stands for “Damn Small Linux” onto a 64mb flash drive. I booted off it on my laptop, the entire Operating System runs off a flash disk. It has the basic apps anyone would need for basic computing. The Firefox browser works perfect. Its pretty amazing what they can fit on a flash drive. For older machines, it will boot off a small CD, one of those half-sized ones that hold 200MB. The website says it will boot off one of those credit-card disks, I’m doing that next. It’s only 50MB. pretty neat-o for a geek-o.

Otherwise I’ve been reading Catch 22, which is some kind of cross between Alice in Wonderland and Patton. I can’t explain it really, but the absolute nonsense contained in this book defies categorization or explanation. The people in this book are lunatics.

That’s about it.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

laptops, orange cones, sewer robots.

Today, today, today, what can I possibly write about today? Well, I didn’t get any calls until almost five; a guy poured coffee on his laptop. It’s fixed. I had to take it apart and clean it out. I finished reformatting and reloading another laptop, and only then did it decide to start making “HARD DRIVE . . . FAILING!” noises. Didn’t make a sound while I was doing all the work, so I had to get another HD and replace it and do everything again. Filled the car up with gas, and went to Meijer.

I finished taking the pool down and storing it. I surfed the Internet.

Oh yeah, after I filled up with gas, Deb called and asked me to pick up some fabric softener. I was pulling in and saw this lady’s van stopped right as you turn into the parking lot. She was sitting there in the right-hand southbound lane on Plainfield at 4:30, which is asshole-central. Her pinion arm (or whatever, I know nothing about the underside of minivans) busted, and both of her front tires were pointed toward the middle of her vehicle. The minivan couldn’t even be pushed out of the way. She had a cell-phone, so I went into Meijer and got three orange cones from the auto-tools department and asked the lawn-garden dude if I could take them out there and help prevent a friggin accident. He said yeah, and I put the cones out so people would see ahead of time not to rear-end this lady who wasn’t smart enough to get out of the driver’s seat.

I went and got the fabric softener, walked around some and came out and she was STILL sitting there, trying to get killed by some distracted driver. As I was getting into my car, the cops finally pulled up behind her.

I didn’t bother taking the cones back. Fuck ‘em.

What else happened? Oh yeah, the Kent County guy that runs the robot that films the sewers came by and showed me the video that triggered the form letter that said I was going to have to pay for them to tear up the road. There's one little root, and it's in my lateral drain going into the main sewer, and it's not in the main sewer, anywho, he gave me a copy of the video and said they shouldn't have to tear up the road. Which is good because the Plainfield Township guy said if they did, they might charge me like, $12,000 and that would make me very sad.

So I got a roter-rooter plumber guy coming out to clean it up for a fraction of that. I don't need any more friggin' expenses. Dammit!

Monday, August 21, 2006

Comedy Central: Shows - Roast of William Shatner

Comedy Central: Shows - Roast of William Shatner < if you get a chance to catch the roast of William Shatner on Comedy Central, watch it. It's really funny. The roast of Pam Anderson was funny too. These comedians are great.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

inside-out swimming pool

Originally uploaded by danmanning2001.
I turned the above-ground pool inside-out so I could wash it. two trash recepticals, two more borrowed trash recepticals, the pool ladder and a pole with a bucket over it suspends this pool in an engineering marvel!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Mornig update

It’s raining this morning. I’ve watched all the David Letterman and Peewee’s Playhouse I can watch on the Tivo. Savannah is river-tubing with a friend. Deb is sleeping, she worked overnight last night. I’m working on another story and killing time. I stayed up till one last night, writing and playing video games. Now I’m sleepy.

I have to take the pool down this weekend, or at least I was going to, but now it’s raining.

I got two appointments already lined up for Monday. It’s good to know I’ll be employed the next week. Every week is different.

Yesterday I took the kids (2 of mine and 2 of their friends) to the city pool. The pool closed for the season yesterday.

Last night I joined YouTube so I can put video in here once in awhile. I put a cool Ted Stevens Remix on here, (see below) I didn't make the video, I just found it and put it on here.

Thanks for checking in.

Friday, August 18, 2006

DJ Ted Stevens Techno Remix:

God, this is awesome. Ted Stevens Rocks!

recent web searches that have led people to my web page:

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Wednesday, August 16, 2006

cool-buddhas don't brag about their day like I'm about to.

Today met and exceeded all expectations. I had two really LONG calls, setting up wireless/printing/faxing/business software hoobajooba at the first stop, and unpacking a brand-spanking new PC, just like a little mini-mid-august-Christmas, without the fake tree and commercialism. I moved all files from the OLD pc to the NEW pc via USB/IDE technological janks.

After that, another entry in the Grand Rapids Parks Project. Took the entire family to Brigg’s park, on the corner of Lafayette and Knapp, where there’s a city pool with a kick-ass waterslide. We slid and slid and I got water in my ears.

Then I took the entire family to Old Country Buffet, where I ate five plates of food.

Was your day as good as mine? Chances are, it wasn’t. Cause I’m a cool-buddha and you may or may not be, depending on your circumstances and outlook. So, lighten up and have some fun. Because someday, you’re gonna be dead.

Peace in the Middle East ya Bastards!

Monday, August 14, 2006

eighteen dollars

eighteen dollars. that’s what the State of Michigan wants in order to renew my driver’s license. I’m old enough now where I can renew by mail. That’s nice. I’m no longer a threat. I have a driving record that goes back 25 years. Really. We got our learner’s permits when we were 14, back in Kansas, where there are no hills or curves, and there is nothing for us to crash into.

The renewal form says to “include the driver’s license number of the person writing the check.” Funny, I thought they had those records in Lansing. They wouldn’t even provide postage.

I wonder which pothole my 18 dollars is going to fill. Maybe the workman could carve my initials in the hot tar with the tip of his shovel in my special filled pothole. The pothole that will be unplugged a few weeks later by the snowplow.

Yesterday I am proud to say I didn’t do anything. A day of rest, pure and simple. Lots of time just reading on the porch. I’ve never had a better time doing absolutely nothing. Saturday we went to Comstock park and walked around, but Sunday, Sunday was a day of rest.

But not today. I drove 139 miles, 5 stops, and more money today than I made all last week. I had data transferred, the awkward moment when I had to tell a couple that they lost ALL their data because their HD crashed. Don’t forget to backup people! I drove all the way out to bumf8ck to fix a modem, and I also went downtown and fixed a monitor. I am the master of all low-tech probabilities.

Homer said this on the Simpsons:


I think that’s fantastic.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

moped convention

Haven’t written much here because I’m working on a short story. We went to Comstock Park, (Deb, the girls and I) and walked around. There was a moped convention there. It was kind of funny.

We had a get-together the other day, just a few people from Deb’s work. It was a good time.

I’ve been getting calls again, thank the little-baby-Jesus, and everything is gonna be okay.

tubes filled error message

tubes filled 404 message, inspired by Ted Stevens, internet exptert

Thursday, August 10, 2006

panic over!

finally, at 3:08 PM, i finally get a call. I went from unemployed to self-employed in less than a minute. Whew!


Originally uploaded by danmanning2001.
This is the third day of NO CALLS. I’m going broke fast, and that makes me a sad panda. I had to throw out my sandals today because they are stinky.

We’re broke but we’re having a get-together for some of Deb’s co-workers. I don’t want to have a party because we’re broke, but I will be my usual charming and witty self (HA!)

I worked on my short story today, sent some postcards, and obsessed about money.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Goggles :: The Google Maps flight sim

Goggles :: The Google Maps flight sim

the primates have lost their ability to think

The Alaskan Pipeline corrosion story is bullshit. I used to work on US Navy Helicopters. Each Helicopter costs about $42,000,000. For those of you unfamiliar with government spending and budgets, $42,000,000 is chump change. Anyways, the squadron that I was attached to, as well as every other squadron, had a “corrosion control” department, that did nothing but, you guessed it, controlled corrosion. Every single day, 24 hours a day, we had an entire department devoted to one thing: controlling corrosion. If you mean to tell me nobody thought to check for corrosion on the fucking ALASKAN PIPELINE, I would have to opine that you are FULL OF SHIT. There is no excuse for letting corrosion put holes in our friggin’ ALASKAN PIPELINE when anyone with a high school education who has been in the military for five minutes could tell you that you need to check the fucking pipeline for fucking corrosion. Jesus Christ on a pogo-stick, Janie, let me off this crazy thing because all of the primates have lost their ability to think.

I’m done being angry. Happy Wednesday assholes.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

"pop" or "soda"?

Here's the breakdown. Do you call it "pop" or "soda"? it's all broken down here on this map: link

let’s talk about ME!

Israel, Hezbollah, Baghdad, OH MY! UN, Israel, Baghdad, Hezbollah, UN, Israel, Hezbollah, Baghdad, Oil Prices, UN, Israel, Hezbollah, UN, Israel, Hezbollah, UN JESUS!

What a friggin’ mess over there. Glad I live here.

So before the world ends, let’s talk about ME! Nothing shakin’. Yesterday I fixed a laptop cover micro-switch, and I fought Microsoft Outlook “Identities” hoo-haw. Took Savannah to the go-cart place, we had two races, and then rode the bumper-boats and golfed the mini-golf.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

your lives revolve around reading about mine

Weekend roundup: Well, lemme see: Friday I picked up a Sony VAIO that had teenager/spyware on it. The Itunes application wouldn’t allow them to download CDs, and after fiddling with it for about an hour, I decided it needed to be wiped.

Then I helped a VERY old woman get into the NY Times website. The pesky and impossibly tedious MacAfee Privacy Manager has a cookies “white list” that has to be manually managed, it’s a serious pain in the ass, but I figured it out.

Deb worked Friday, so I took the girls to Comstock park, where fun ensued. We saw a guy launch a speedboat, we got ice-cream at the ice-cream truck, and a good time was had by all.

Saturday Deb was sleeping, (she works overnights) so I took the girls to OCB(old country buffet) and then we saw the movie “Barnyard,” which, even by “kid’s movie” standards, sucked major ass. Someone should tell the movie execs that cows are female. Besides that annoying fact, it had a horrible story, none of it was even remotely funny, and it sucked. It’s the absolute worse movie I’ve ever seen in recent memory, possible the worse movie ever.

After that I took the girls downtown and we walked around a little, but there was nothing going on downtown. We walked through Rosa Parks Circle, and the place was empty.

After that, we went home.

I mowed the lawn, had a couple of beers, smoked a cigar and worked on my newest kick-ass short story. Let’s just say some supernatural shit goes down.

Yes, BORING, I know, but I realize that some of your lives revolve around reading about mine.

On the 70s station on XM Radio, they play old "Casey Kasem's American Top 40" shows. It's like time travel.

Peace in the Middle East MotHerFuCkers!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

That will make lip and throat cancer seem worth it huh?

I wish there was something exciting to report about today, but there isn’t. No calls. I worked on a new short story, it’s good, but wordy, so it’s going to be pared down before I send it out into the world. I think my SF bestseller is DOA. It's not going anywhere and I’m sick of it. If I’M sick of it, I can’t really expect anyone else to read it can I?

I could tell I was smoking a bad cigar today, which means my ability to discern one cigar from another is improving. Great. That will make lip and throat cancer seem worth it huh? I might be giving them up altogether before I become an addict. That would be a bonehead move.

I did stay out of the bar today, and that’s a god-damn miracle. Yay me!

Well, I’m going to write some more enthralling fiction. I just have to think of an exciting story with real sympathetic characters that develop over the course of the book in a way that will hold the readers attention and make them care about the characters. No problem. I’ll get right on that.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Amazing Stop Motion Video - - Google Video

Amazing Stop Motion Video - very cool.

Dreams suck.

I had the most awful dream last night. I was trying to golf, and someone had swiped my golf clubs. The ones I was using were too short. I couldn’t take a full swing. I was trying to tee off and a bunch of people were crowding me. Some girl was trying to talk to me, and they were waiting to hit, and I looked like a jackass.

Earlier in the dream I was in the Navy, and I hated everyone I worked with. I had to work on some training jackets or some other bullshit. It was horrible.

Dreams suck.

About Me

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I am the author of 5 books: Android Down, Firewood for Cannibals, The Cubicles of Madness, Robot Stories, and most recently, Various Meats and Cheeses. I live and write in Michigan. My website is at