Thursday, May 24, 2007

at least I wasn't water-boarded. . .

Today I got a call and spent over two hours extracting Norton Internet Security Evil from a PC. The entire time, the woman to whom the PC belonged asked me personal questions to which I gave one-word answers. (When I say personal questions, I mean questions like, “How old are your kids,” and “What are you and your family doing for Memorial Day weekend,” and “How long were you in the Military,” and “Did you grow up in Michigan.”) She was nosy, but she also handles the checks for the company, so I answered her questions, while we listened to her PC grind furiously, trying to void itself of Norton Internet Security, which had rendered the machine useless.

Finally, after forty minutes, NIS failed to uninstall and I had to download the “Norton Removal Tool.” From Norton’s site. It really says something when software is so bloated that the software’s website has to offer a special tool to perform an exorcism in order to rid a machine of the very software they spewed in the first place.

After that, another half-hour removing Norton System Works, another work of pure genius.

When everything was done, the machine running again and I had endured 2 hours of mind-numbing interrogation.

I dropped off a PC to a nice couple with a pit-bull. They said it wasn’t a pit bull, but I think it was.

Otherwise, I worked on my short story, which is finally coming together, what with a satanic pregnancy, a talking wall mural, and a reclusive artist with an effeminate man-servant.

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I am the author of 5 books: Android Down, Firewood for Cannibals, The Cubicles of Madness, Robot Stories, and most recently, Various Meats and Cheeses. I live and write in Michigan. My website is at