They say it's called "Black Friday" because it's the time when retailers finally go "in the black" and turn a profit.
But it can also be, under the right circumstances, even blacker, and darker. Suppose it is overcast, and you have nothing to do on Black Friday. You're not at work, and although you imagine you can fill a spare day with productive or entertaining activity, you mostly sit around in your pajamas, unwashed, looking at the Internet.
It isn't so much depressing, but melancholy. But can we make Black Friday even blacker? We can! How? Bring forth
Emily Dickinson! (1830-1886)
Emily Dickinson was a shut-in who didn't give a rip about punctuation, titles, or anything else. Her poetry came from the Blackest of Fridays, an infinity-long afternoon of gloomy brooding unmatched in literature. Dickinson stared into the void and brought back reports such as this:
A Death blow is a Life blow to Some
Who, till they died, did not alive become;
Who, had they lived, had died but when
They died, Vitality begun.
Sip some chamomile tea and dwell on that for a minute.
Oh, is it still just around two in the afternoon and this day is dragging on forever?
I’m nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody too?
Then there’s a pair of us! – don’t tell!
They’d banish us, you know!
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring Bog!
Hm... still just a bleary overcast afternoon. Here's one more to make this Friday the Blackest Friday ever!
To help our bleaker parts
Salubrious hours are given,
Which if they do not fit for earth
Drill silently for heaven.
"Salubrious!" What does that even mean? (it means "healthy")
And I give you this:
Did Emily Dickinson
Smoke the Weed?
Did Emily Dickinson
Do the Deed?
Did Emily Dickinson
Travel Far
To spaced-out dimensions
Beyond the Stars?
Did Emily Dickinson
Trans-mutate?
Did Emily Dickinson
Levitate?
Was Emily Dickinson a super-dimensional alien from a realm beyond our comprehension? We shall never know. But Google her image on the Inter-webs and decide for yourself.
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