# THE CORBOMITE MANEUVER, STAR TREK 1966

Oh my God, you guys, yesterday I was watching Star Trek, and the Enterprise was just cruising along, doing star mapping, and Spock was like, "prepare to photograph," and they were just taking pictures of stars and stuff, and then all of the sudden, George Takei was like, "object approaching," and the RED ALERT went off, and then this spinning cube comes up right in their grill, and Spock was like, "Captain Kirk to the bridge," but Kirk was on this weird exercise bike in sickbay, and Dr. McCoy ignored the red light, but then Kirk saw it and he was all walking around the ship without his shirt on. Kirk was like, "does anybody know what this is?" and they were all like, "I don't know," and Scotty was like, "I have no idea how it works, it's just a cube." So then, they try to get around the cube, but it kept following them, and then it started getting closer and Mr. Spock was like, "Oh no, the radiation is really bad," and they tried to get away, and one guy, the navigator, Bailey, was freaking out, and he was like, "let's shoot it," and Kirk said, "cool it mister," and then Spock was like, "the radiation is really bad you guys!" and then Kirk says, "lock phasers," and they shot it.

So then they were like, "Do we keep going on mapping and stuff?" and then the Yeoman brings Kirk a salad, cause Dr. McCoy had put Kirk on a diet, and then there's another red alert, this time a HUGE glowing sphere is in front of them, and a voice says, "I AM BALOK, COMMANDER OF THE FESARIUS, I'M GONNA BLOW YOU GUYS UP FOR DESTROYING THAT WARNING BUOY YOU GUYS! PRAY OR WHATEVER, YOU HAVE FIFTEEN MINUTES" and then everybody's freaking out, Sulu keeps saying, like "eight minutes," and they can't move or do anything, and Bailey freaks out so bad that Kirk throws him off the bridge. Then they get "visual" contact, and Balok is a blue freaky looking alien with a giant head. I was so scared you guys! And they can't think of anything to do, Kirk asks Spock what he thinks and Spock says, "we're checkmated man, it's over," and then McCoy comes in, for some reason, even though they have five minutes to live, and starts complaining about how Kirk treated Bailey, and they argue and Kirk's like, "don't bluff me," and then he gets an idea: he says, "it isn't chess, it's poker!" and then he tells Balok that the ship is made of Carbomite, (it isn't) and the ship will reflect any energy back to Balok's ship and destroy them both if Balok blows up the ship. Then the countdown continues, but Balok doesn't blow up the ship, then Balok says, "okay, fine, I'm taking you to my planet, where you'll be prisoners," so Balok puts the Enterprise in a tractor beam with a tiny ship, but it overloads Balok's ship, and then Balok sends a distress signal, and then McCoy is like, "screw that guy, let's get out of here," but Kirk is like, "what's our mission?" and he takes Bailey with him, and they beam over to Balok's ship, and it turns out that the Balok they saw was just a puppet, but it was really a kid, played by Ron Howard's brother who says, "I was just testing you guys! HA HA HA HA!" And then they have orange juice, and Bailey stayed with him for a while as an exchange program, and then he gives them a tour of his tiny ship, and they were all friends. So anyway, it was a pretty good show. So don't give up, or whatever.