It's 3:44 AM, and I still have no Internets. The cable modem now has three green lights, a shining beacon of hope in my hour of most desperate need.
Why do I love America? Because we have broadband Internet access. This is the country of Bill Gates, ARPANET, Cisco Systems, Google, Blizzard Entertainment, and Hollywood. This is the country of Professional Wrestling, American Idol, The Right to Bear Arms and Super Sweet Sixteen.
We invented the TASER, SCUBA and GITMO. We the American People have brought the world the Automobile, "404 Page Not Found" and the ever enduring sitcoms "Seinfeld" and "Who's The Boss?".
We beat Hitler and we made Conan governor of "Kali-Four-Ya."
To this day, D.B. Cooper, Elvis, Hunter S. Thompson and Jimmie Hoffa run covert operations for the FBI. They report directly to Jesus Christ himself, who in turn reports to the preserved head of J. Edgar Hoover.
We are the country of Starbucks, the Atomic Bomb, and Thomas Jefferson and Britney Spears. We are Henry Ford and Jeffrey Dhamer.
We gave the world Microsoft Word and the Taco Bell Dog. We invented Pizza Hut, Olive Garden, Applebee's and Chili's.
While America is not perfect, even if she is on the brink of either a devastating depression or discovering of a cure for cancer, she is my country and I love her. God bless America, and God, please restore my connection to the Internets, because I can't very well post this awesomeness to my blog without it.