Tuesday, June 27, 2006

I am not a ten-year-old Malaysian girl

Last night I dreamt of my old girlfriend. She moved to Indiana and went on to great things, (I think) and I never heard from her again. I wonder what really happened to her. Anyway, last night I dreamt I had business there in her town for some reason, and she asked me “what are you doing here?” and she was pretty alarmed. I guess that makes me a nocturnal stalker or something. She still looked 16 years old, but I guess people don’t age in dreams. I didn’t get anywhere with her, cause her stupid jock boyfriend was hanging around, the bastard. And her dad. She wouldn’t even come out of the house and talk to me. What a disappointing dream. She still looked sixteen.

Am I creeping you out right now?

Enough about me and my unhinged cerebral cortex.

Yesterday (in the real, slightly less cool world of reality) I got one call in the morning from a gentleman whose daughter’s laptop was having power problems. I told him it might be the cord, and it might be the socket the cord plugged into. He said the socket fix sounded simple, and I explained that the socket is soldered to the motherboard, which is pretty much the entire laptop, and it means disassembling the entire thing to get to the socket, and since the socket is soldered by a robot run by a ten-year-old girl in a sweat-shop in Malaysia, it’s pretty difficult to solder, because I don’t have a robot, and I am not a ten-year-old Malaysian girl.

So the guy doesn’t make an appointment, and I’m getting all anxious because it’s going to be another day without calls. I wrote, I cleaned mulberries out of the pool, I read a book, I went to Starbucks and wrote, I came home, I read. I wrote. I read, I wrote.

Then at seven the guy’s daughter calls, I go over there and fix the computer. Luckily I had another power cord, and after checking polarity, amperage and voltage requirements, limits, parameters, phase-induced parabola flux fields, I sold her the chord and charged for a house call. Because I am the Lord of Basic Electronic Technology. Fixing a college girl’s $300.00 used laptop in an air-conditioned apartment is easier than fixing a $42,000,000 helicopter in a sun-baked flight-line with an angry chief yelling at you over the radio to “hurry the f*ck up.” The customer also took my card and told me that she knows
a bunch of other college girls who need their computers fixed “all the time.”

So, that is my post for Tuesday. Let all the people of Earth read what I have written and be glad. Let a calm, soothing peace spread throughout the lands, and let tolerance and understanding rule the world. And let my friggin’ cell phone ring this morning so I can make some scratch.

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About Me

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I am the author of 5 books: Android Down, Firewood for Cannibals, The Cubicles of Madness, Robot Stories, and most recently, Various Meats and Cheeses. I live and write in Michigan. My website is at danmanning.com