Thursday, November 29, 2007

More than usual photoshop contest | Photoshop Contests | Are you Worthy™ | contest

smells like an army of one?

Wow, that's a career change:
The Army first reached out to parents in 2005 as part of its Army of One campaign by advertising giant Leo Burnett. These ads were directed by Samuel Bayer, who made his mark directing Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” video.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Interactive Social Contract V.1.1

Interactive Social Contract V.1.1 Finally, a Interactive Social Contract for the rest of us. Read and add to this magnificent tome. Found at's blog.


Hell, why not? I can write funny stuff for talk shows. Hire me to write your funny material. How hard can it be? Half the stuff on late night isn't that funny anyway. Except the Daily Show. I don't have the moxie for that.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

amazon's customer service number

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Monday, November 26, 2007

really long blog post about stuff

Today I did many things. I installed AV software. I exported contacts and calendars. I taught basic networking and backup procedures. I uninstalled bad software. I uninstalled bad software that had cost this company a lot of money. I replaced that software with .CSV files. The RFC dealing with Comma Separated Values is RFC 4180 and is found at this address: All of this makes me sound like a smarty-pants, but those of you in the know know better. a CSV file is a text file. Text files are cool.

Then I networked network printing goodness, which, as all of you know, makes its own gravy. Then I had two hamburgers and a regular order of fries at a new place I've discovered, McDonalds. Then I drove home. Then I went to the gym and ran on the treadmill and did some sit-ups and lifted a few weights.

Later I'm going to drink wine and watch TV with the missus. Before I do that, I'm going to work on my bestselling novel. After all that I'm probably going to go to sleep. While I'm asleep I'm probably going to dream about stuff, but I won't remember that stuff when I wake up because I rarely remember my dreams, and that's too bad, because I probably dream all kinds of cool stuff, like I have super powers or something. If I had super powers, I'd fly around and right wrongs. I'd fly around in my 2002 Ford Taurus, ending wars and bringing down a healthy can of whoop-ass on a lot of rich bastards. ("waterboarding isn't torture? then you don't mind trying it out for yourself huh?") I'd cure cancer and grow limbs back on all the people, and fuse spines and cause corn to grow in places like Darfur. I'd turn all land-mines into pumpkins and all automatic weapons into those plastic tubes you spin around, and they whistle? You know, those orange and green flexible tubes, and the only reason they are there so kids can spin them around and they whistle? The problem with those, at least when I was a kid, is that eventually we'd get bored and start wailing on each other with them, and that hurts. Almost as much as hot-wheel tracks. Ever get beat with a hot-wheel track? Those orange pieces of plastic about a yard long? That hurts like a m0thrfckr.

My friggin' dog is outside barking. Ginger is a beautiful dog, but she's the last friggin' dog we'll ever own because I'm getting semi-old and I'm sick of messing around with the dog, but of course, whenever I see her I immediately start baby-talking to her, and I'm pretty sure if anyone hears me they'll think I'm a crazy person.

I downloaded the movie NETWORK on the tivo, and I'm looking forward to seeing it. I saw this crazy paranoid video called THE ZEITGUIST on Google Video and now I'm all conspiracy theory in the head. But not really. I still don't buy the "911 was an inside job" theory, even though it is true the neocon fascists used it to invade Iraq. That's okay, I'm so tired of being outraged I'm not outraged anymore.

Well anywhoo, nothing happened today. Goodnight and good luck

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Friday, November 23, 2007

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

J a n c e e D u n n: J.C. Penney's 1975 catalog: Not Suitable For Young Children

J a n c e e D u n n: J.C. Penney's 1975 catalog: Not Suitable For Young Children


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I just woke up and was thinking that word, and I thought, "damn, I bet no one has ever thought of that word." Undersimplify would mean to make things too complicated, as in, "You're undersimplifying this. It's not that hard."

But Alas, I Googled it, and yes, somebody else already thought of the word "undersimplify".

But it is a damn fine unword nonetheless.

Okay, it's 4:30ish in the morning, I'm going back to bed.

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PS: Oh yeah, Google owns Blogger right? Why does the verb "Googled" trigger the spellchecker but "Google" doesn't? Andy why does "spellchecker" trigger the spellchecker? I'm supposed to make the word "spellchecker" into two words? I don't think so.

This post was posted without the use of drugs or alcohol. Really.

Monday, November 19, 2007

No, Barry Bonds never took steroids:

From the book Game of Shadows:

"Since joining the Giants, Bonds had gone from a size 42 to a size 52 jersey; from size 10 ½ to size 13 cleats; and from a size 7 1/8 to size 7 ¼ cap, even though he had taken to shaving his head.."

Full grown men don't do that. At least they're not supposed to.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

this is one reason is why network news sucks:

ABC News opening story for Friday, November 16:

Barry Bonds took steroids, and baseball has a steroids problem. How much time did they spend on this? 4:48. Almost 5 minutes on a stupid game.

The second story? A typhoon kills at least 1100 people. Time spent: 1:33. Less than two minutes on a catastrophe bigger than 9/11. Not only were those people killed, but their farms and homes were destroyed.

If every professional baseball player overdosed with steroids and died tomorrow, the world would be a better place because baseball is stupid.

That's one reason why network news sucks.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Incoherent, Paranoid Rant

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Will we be consumers for the corporate good? Will our grandchildren be issued credit cards at birth?

Will GovernCorp put up enough cameras to keep us under enough Surveillance to bring back the land of the free? Will we know when it is safe enough to take the cameras down again? They will take the cameras down again, right?

Will we monitor enough phone conversations and emails to give us liberty? Will GovernCorp keep us safe from the bad people? Will we know when it is safe enough to stop eavesdropping?

Will we ever learn to "cooperate" while we're being herded and hogtied by the friendly police? Will we cooperate when it's our turn to be waterboarded?

Will GovernCorp pick the right dictator to keep the Middle East still enough to extract enough oil out from under it to burn up the atmosphere?"

Will the President and Senators and Congressmen wear their Corporate Masters' logos on their suits like they do in NASCAR so we can see who they really represent?

Will we fight enough wars to employ enough private contractors to keep the Military Industrial Complex afloat until we become a completely militarized nation?

Will we write our tax laws in such a way that we make enough billionaires that eventually their sweet generosity will trickle down to the rest of us?

Will we become polarized enough so that our great divided nation can stand on its two feet?

Will we retroactively abort criminals?

Will we watch enough television to fill enough couches with enough asses that we won't notice the tanks roll down our streets?

Will we taser enough students and protesters until they stop asking questions and focus on consuming? Will we position our Free Speech Zones far enough away from our Dear Leaders to keep them comfortable?

Will we privatize enough prisons and fill them with enough people to keep the guards and administrators and food service companies gainfully employed? Can we imprison enough people to turn a profit?

Will we waterboard enough Muslims to make them tells us what we want to know and teach them to love our freedom and our respect for human dignity?

Will we go into debt deep enough to buy enough flat screens and iPods and cell phones and computers until we never have to interface with each other directly ever again?

Will we strip-search enough grandmothers in enough airports in the name of freedom to finally make the skies friendly again?

Will the atmosphere wipe us out fast enough to save the planet from ourselves? Will we build enough cars to fill enough roads so we'll all go back to riding bicycles and walking?

Will we put our six billion heads together and agree that birth control is bad? Will we pump out enough babies to collapse the world in on itself?

Will the dollar collapse?

Will we need a wheelbarrow full of dollars to buy a loaf of bread?

Will we know when we've cut down the last tree?

Will we kill each other for a glass of water?

Will churches have armories?

Will pickup trucks full of men with automatic weapon search the streets for those who do not believe what they believe?

Will the mail trucks stop delivering the mail so we don't know we're foreclosed on?

Will the food trucks stop filling the grocery stores? Will we eat the bark from trees?

Will we resort to cannibalism?

Will Democrats taste any different than Republicans if we marinate them with teriyaki or barbeque sauce before we cook them?

Will we starve until it is sociably acceptable to bludgeon our neighbors and cook them over open fires in our backyards?

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

How to Cure a Hangover - Mahalo

How to Cure a Hangover - Mahalo

Please God, send us some more water so we can waste it!

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So, they're having a drought in the Southeast.
Ga. Governor Prays for Rain at Capitol

By GREG BLUESTEIN – 1 day ago

ATLANTA (AP) — Georgia Gov. Sonny Perdue stepped up to a podium outside the state Capitol on Tuesday and led a solemn crowd of several hundred people in a prayer for rain on his drought-stricken state.

"We've come together here simply for one reason and one reason only: To very reverently and respectfully pray up a storm," Perdue said after a choir provided a hymn. link
Isn't God the one holding the rain back in the first place? I mean really. And if He has a reason to send a drought down on Georgia, maybe it isn't our place to try to talk him out of it.

There are home owner's associations that won't allow people to hang out their laundry. No, that would ruin the aesthetics of the neighborhood. There are people who dig wells in their own yards so they can get past water restrictions. Not so they can save water, not so they can cut down on usage, but so they can water their lawns.

Yes, I think I know why God is causing droughts, fires, floods, and hurricanes all over the planet: God is trying to save the planet by wiping out the stupid, undeserving, fossile-fuel burning warlike primates that can't take a hint.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

the fastest car in the world

found at Mittopia, a pretty cool blog.

No, you can't have your day in court. Now shut the f**k up and pay your parking ticket.

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Cities Eliminate Right to Contest Parking Tickets
Boston, Massachusetts and Washington, DC effectively eliminate the right to contest parking tickets.

In an attempt to stem the loss of revenue from motorists contesting parking tickets, cities are effectively eliminating the traditional due process rights of motorists to defend themselves at an impartial hearing. By the end of next year, Washington, DC's Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) will not allow anyone who believes he unfairly received a citation to have his day in an administrative hearing.

"DMV will complete the phase-out of in-person adjudication of parking tickets in favor of mail-in and e-mail adjudication by December 2008," the Fiscal Year 2008 DMV plan states.

The move is intended to allow automated street sweeper parking ticket machines to boost the number of infractions cited well beyond the 1.6 million currently handed out by meter maids. As one-third of those who contest citations in the city are successful, the hearings cut significantly into the $100 million in revenue tickets generate each year.

Under the DMV's plan, motorists will only be able to object to a ticket by email or letter where city employees can ignore or reject letters in bulk without affected motorists having any realistic recourse. That's not good enough for residents like Emily Miller, who told us that being able to present her case in person was essential. The Sunday school teacher was found not guilty at an administrative DMV hearing in June of driving with an open container of coffee. She was so thrilled with her victory that she decided to fight a parking ticket issued to her in a location where the parking signs were contradictory.

Motorists in many cities besides DC complain about unfair citations. So far, Baltimore, Maryland's Inspector General has uncovered 10,000 bogus parking tickets issued to innocent motorists. In Boston and other cities in Massachusetts, motorists cannot challenge a $100 parking ticket in court without first paying a $275 court fee. If found innocent, the motorist does not receive a refund of the $275.

found here

Source: FY08 Performance Plan (Washington DC Department of Motor Vehicles, 11/9/2007)

Monday, November 12, 2007

generic blog post

hi everybody.

today i stopped at 4 places and fixed computers. one of the houses was very large. i ran 4 miles and now i'm typing this. some other stuff happened.

thanks for stopping by. if more stuff happens, i'll type about it here.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

my buddy's buddy's letter to the editor

Barry's friend sent this letter in to the newspaper, and I'm passing the awesomeness on to you

Wichita Eagle, The (KS)
Section: OPINION
Edition: main
Page: 6A


With the demand for public services increasing, it is time to re-evaluate the current tax-exempt status for religious properties. In Kansas, 14.1 percent of the total appraised property value is exempt from property taxes simply because it is owned by a religious group or organization. This is $2.86 billion of untaxed property, according to a 2006 report titled "Erosion of the Kansas Property Tax Base," by Glenn W. Fisher.

Properties used by religious, educational benevolent organizations are exempted in the belief that they provide services to the community that reduce the burden on government. This exemption began with legislation dating from the 1860s. The churches in 1860 were much different from the churches today. Over the years, many churches have morphed into businesses. They have cash flow. They budget a portion of this cash flow to marketing. They have a payroll. They invest in training for their employees. They maintain faciliti es. They usually contribute to and are members of larger franchises. On top of this, our church community has become very politically active in recent years. Focus on the Family, American Family Radio and the Discovery Institute are but a few of the wealthy political organizations that are backed, at least in part, with church funds and are overtly engaged in political campaigning. It is not unusual for churches to offer voter guidelin es and to aid in fundraising for political candidates. Remember Phill Kline and his memo concerning church fundraisers? How about Ralph Reed?

It would appear that a greater percentage of church funds is being spent on salaries, facilities and activism than is being spent on community aid and works of charity. For these reasons and more, it is time to tax all religious property on an equal basis with private property. Let's put an end to public subsidies for religion.



Monday, November 05, 2007

gr half marathon

behold my awesomeness!

cell phone Jammers: Pure Awesomeness

A cell-phone jammer that can fit in your pocket? The vindictive asshole in me loves it! There's an article on it in the NYT. website. But then again, I rely on my phone for my business. So on the other hand, I'd hate to have my phone jammed. But I would excuse myself from a resturant table if I got a call . . . Hm. . . . I'm torn by this.

They also have a link to a place to buy a cell phone jammer.

Anywhoo: Cell-Phone Jammers: Awesome!

Friday, November 02, 2007

There's no "i" in "team." But there is a "m" and an "e".

The "me" in team kind of negates the entire "there's no 'i' in team" saying doesn't it? Remember folks: there's an "m" and an "e" in "team".

You have to have a little "me" time once in awhile. So this Friday, take a few more minutes on that smoke break. Take your time coming back from lunch, or don't come back at all if you can get away with it. Surf the Internets when you are supposed to be working. And while you do your actual work, don't give a 100%. Give 40%. You and I both know you're not getting paid as much as you're worth. Remember, you are the "me" in "team".

That's my motivational team-building snippit for Friday. Use it in staff meetings or at any other place where people are all like, "rah rah go team."

Thursday, November 01, 2007

I'm watching Southpark!

The following conversation took place between a 41 year old man (me) and his 12 year old daughter (Savannah)

Savannah: "Dad, can we play the Wii?"
Me: "I'm watching Southpark!"

This actually took place.

About Me

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I am the author of 5 books: Android Down, Firewood for Cannibals, The Cubicles of Madness, Robot Stories, and most recently, Various Meats and Cheeses. I live and write in Michigan. My website is at

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