Still Carving a Chess Set

A couple of Queens:

Heartbreaking Chess Loss.

Oh to have move 27 back!!

Still Carving a Chess Set

You Aren't Going to Get Ebola

You aren't going to get Ebola. Terrorists aren't going to cut off your head. You won't be shot by a random gunman at the mall/theater/church/school. What annoys you is a symptom of a bigger problem. 9/11 wasn't an inside job. That new gadget won't fix it. (There's nothing to fix.) The government isn't going to take your guns. Gun owners aren't taking over the world. Your party won't fix anything. The government isn't watching you; you aren't that interesting. Cops can't help it. Criminals can't help it. You (probably) won't end up homeless, but if you do, you'll figure something out. Stop watching the news. You aren't crazy. You're doing the best you can. God isn't threatened by science. Be kinder than you have to be. Creationists won't destroy science. Legalized gay marriage won't turn you gay. Yes, stupidity is everywhere, but not everyone is stupid on the same frequency. Things aren't unraveling, they're changing, just like always. The slope isn't that slippery. Stop taking selfies. People are not getting dumber. Most Christians don't care if you're gay. Most atheists don't care if you're Christian. Christmas isn't under attack. Your ________ is less interesting than you think. Booze isn't going to fix it. Stop trying to fix it. Rich people can't help it. Poor people can't help it. You don't need a new _____ unless the one you have is broken. You don't need a new _____. Nativity scenes do not lead to theocracy. The world economy will keep tottering along. You annoy somebody. You look fine. Your clothes are fine. Your car is fine. Your booze is fine. Your phone is fine. It's good enough. You don't need pills from the TV. The Internet isn't harming your kids. Everything is going to work itself out. Relax.

#93 THE GREATEST TOAST OF ALL

Be-cause the great-est
Toast of all,
Is easy to achieeeeeeeeeve,
Learn how to maaaake French toast,
It's the greatest, toaaast of all.

Crack two eggs into some milk,
And mix it up with any utensil,
Add some bread, a frying pan,
You can't take away my dignity!

Be-cause the great-est
Toast of all,
Is easy to achieeeeeeeeeve,
Learn how to maaaake French toast,
It's the greatest, toaaast of all.

#87 "LEARN MORE"

Click to learn more.
Click to learn more, you guys.
Call or click to learn more.
Learn more at our website.
Learn more, you guys.
Call or click today to learn more.
Learn more.
Learn more.
Learn more about the thing we're trying to sell you.
Call or click to learn more.
Learn more.
You don't know enough. Learn more.
Learn more, stupid. Call or click to learn more.
Learn more.
Learn.
Learn consumer, learn.
You will learn.
We'll teach you.
Learn more.
Click to learn more.
You can't avoid it. Learn more.
Learn more.

De-Evolution

from here: http://frankart.com.au/de-evolved/

Still Carving a Chess Set

Pawn embryos:

Pawns. New design: left, Old design: right

Reading Ayn Rand To My Dog

I've been reading Ayn Rand's /Introduction to Objectivist Epistemology/ (which I got for a buck at the Salvation Army) to my dog, Ginger. She won't pay attention, and I don't think any of it is sinking in. {please note: I am not a Rand Kool-Aid drinker, I'm just curious to see what affect this information will have on my dog. Will she abandon her dog-like tendencies and follow a path of ruthless Machiavellian selfish motivation?}

How Venn Diagrams are Born

"Sometimes, when two circles love each other very much, they share a special hug..."

#47 The Greatest Nap of All

I believe that napping's in my future,
Close the door and nap the day away
Show them all the snoozes I possess inside
Because I'm tired, I'm getting sleepier
Let the voicemail take my calls, because I'm sleeping
All day long.

I decided long ago, to take a nap, my head on a pillow
If I fail, if I succeed,
At least I'll get the sleep I need!
No matter what I'm sposta do,
It has to wait 'til after Three!

Because the great-est, nap of all,
Is happening to me.
Learning to nap all day
Is the greatest nap of all.

Still carving a chess set out of firewood

"Can you change the temp to 78 and did phil colins die?"

Think how it must be for me, with the horrifying 1986 hit, "Invisible Touch" stuck in my head. It has reached in, and grabbed "right hold" of my mind. It crawls under my skin. It is taking control of me, and slowly tearing me apart. I know other people are dealing with real issues right now, and this seems like a minor thing, but I can't escape it. It echoes through my mind. It casts a cheesy pallor on everything I do and everything I see. It is there; it will not go away. I've looked at the lyrics. This song is f**king terrible. But I can't get that scrap of tune out of my head. This piece of shit was the first #1 single in the US for the band Genesis.

Why? Why you ask? Because I received this ACTUAL text this morning: "Can you change the temp to 78 and did phil colins die?"

I changed the thermostat and I checked the news for "Phil Collins."

I responded, "I changed the temperature, and I find no evidence that Phil Collins is dead. He seems very much alive."

But then, a few minutes later, it started:  "duh duh duh an invisible touch yeah, duh duh duh duh... slowly tears you apart...."

And it's still there. I wouldn't want to pass this on to anyone. I wouldn't want anyone to read this and go, "Oh shit, now it has infected me!"

I don't want that on my conscience. I don't want you walking around all day, "duh duh duh an invisible touch yeah, duh duh duh duh... slowly tears you apart...."

We Could Put An Unnecessary Blinking Light On It

So the power company put new meters on all the houses in our neighborhood for some reason. Fine, whatever. But this evening, walking around the block, it turns out there's a blinking red light on the side of everybody's house now, because you can't just put in a new meter, you have to put a blinking red light on it, because _________ wtf, I don't know. You've got to put a blinking light on everything, for some reason. God forbid you put up a power meter without a blinking red light. It's a red light, and it blinks. On every house.

 "Bob, I like the design on the new meters, but is there any way we could make them obnoxious, somehow?"

"Well, we could put an unnecessary blinking light on it, you know, to tell the customer, 'hey, don't forget, we're the Power Company. We can make your house blink.'"

 "I like it. It makes it more complicated, for no reason. And obnoxious. Make it red. And make sure it blinks."

Alan Hovhaness: The Rubaiyat (of Omar Khayyam) Op. 308

I'm carving a chess set out of firewood.

I have my work cut out for me.

This Land is Mine, by Nina Paley

This Land Is Mine from Nina Paley on Vimeo.

DISHWATER SHOTS

A week or so ago, I introduced two words that should not be put together:

LITTERBOX HARVEST

Now, I've come up with two more words that don't go together:

DISHWATER SHOTS

THE THEME SONG FROM THREE'S COMPANY (IS STUCK IN MY HEAD)

Sometimes, the theme song from the hit television show, "Three's Company" spontaneously gets stuck in your head. Other times, it gets stuck in someone else's head, but they post on the Internet how the theme from "Three's Company" is stuck in their head, and then it is stuck in yours, and you're like, "dammit."

"Come and knock on our door
(Come and knock on our door)
We've been waiting for you
(We've been waiting for you)
Somethin' somethin' somethin' his
Three's company, too!"

So anyway. There is is.

# WHICH DIPPING SAUCE WOULD JESUS PREFER?

Biblical scholars cannot tell us which dipping sauces Jesus would prefer, if given a choice of today's dipping sauces. He might choose "mild," for the meek shall inherit the earth, but maybe not. He might choose "honey-mustard," although this too is pure speculation.

The question over which dipping sauce Jesus would choose has plagued theologians for decades, and in 1972 almost caused a schism in Catholic Church, similar to the East-West schism of 1053. In 1972 Pope Paul VI declared that the preferred dipping sauce of Jesus Christ was "ranch," and that all teachings to the contrary was heresy.

Makarios III, Archbishop of Cyprus during that period, declared that no, in fact, Jesus preferred "honey-mustard" dipping sauce.

The question remains. What dipping sauce would Jesus prefer, if given a choice? Some of us believe that Jesus is open to all types of dipping sauces, not preferring one over the other.

What's your opinion? Which dipping sauce do you think Jesus would prefer, when having wings or maybe chicken strips?