Tuesday, January 30, 2007

furry PC

Today I vacuumed the most hair out of a PC I’ve ever seen. Then I showed somebody how to use windows xP. I cleaned my office. I picked up two identical PCs from two different clients. I swept the floor. I slipped on some snow in somebody’s driveway and fell flat on my back. I had two beers. I smoked a cigar. I read and article in Rolling Stone magazine about John Stewart and Steven Colbert.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

new site alert! workoutdump.com

Hey everybody check out Brian's new site workoutdump.com , where you can record your workouts and weight and get in shape. So get off your fat arses and get some miles in. I might actually run so I can post to the site.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

32 degrees feels like a friggin’ heat wave

I got one of those false sunlight lamps in my office now, and now I am happy. I went to the Hideout and played 4 player cribbage and drank some beers. This might actually be the reason why I am happy. I bought “Connect Four” for the kids.” I bought a lamp replacement switch for a broken lamp. I picked up a PC to be reformatted it had an almost naked Jessica Alba for wallpaper and lots of virus popups on startup, so I’m sure it’s riddled with porn and viruses, much like a cancer sufferer has holes in their bone marrow. Or whatever goes on in that situation. I have no idea.

This morning it was 32 degrees Fahrenheit and I went outside with no coat and barefooted and it was completely comfortable. That’s how cold it’s been lately. 32 degrees feels like a friggin’ heat wave.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

funny picture. (clean)

wanna see a funny picture? click here. it's safe, it's clean, it's funny.

Podcast #98. The most important podcast you will ever listen to.

podcast #98 is now available. Listen to it. The fate of humanity just may hinge on you hearing it.

In other news, the phone rang when I was on the crapper. It rang when I was in the shower. It was snowing out, now it's sunny.

I'm going downtown to fix all technological fambuneries.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

The Internets are (were) down.

The Internet is down. At least, it is for me. It’s 8:16 PM Monday. I can ping my default gateway. I can ping my DNS servers. I know, on faith alone, that I’ll be connected again, probably within the next half hour.

But what if it never came up again? What if the Internet disappeared overnight, never to work again? I’d be out of a job. Lots of people would be out of work, wouldn’t they? I mean, how much would that screw the world up, if the Internet just stopped working? If the Tubes were permanently Filled?

My buddy called and I answered, “Yes, it’s down.” I didn’t even have to ask him why he was calling. We have the same ISP.

Today I hooked up one of those Motorola Q phones. I hooked up a DSL line that wasn’t connected yet, but I had to clean up the PC and put in some AV software that worked.

Then I replaced a CD player.

Well, as you can see, the Internets are back up.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

59 days to the vernal equinox

Today I took the girls (Savannah, Alex and Cassidy) to the mall. I gave them each ten bucks and let them walk around while I sat in the bookstore drinking coffee and reading A Farewell to Arms. Right now I’m drinking a little Maker’s Mark and watching Bears/Saints for the NFC championship. There’s a fire in the fireplace and I’m on the couch.

Last night I took the girls to the gymnastics place on Coit and they were there from 7 to 10. While they were gone I used my time wisely. I beat Halo II for the second time. I should have been writing. That’s another three hours I’ll never get back.

Yesterday morning I had to make two stops. One to replace a UPS at a pharmacy, the other to fix something I had broke the day before. Don’t take IE7 out if you don’t want to drive back north of Belding road on a Saturday when you’d rather be doing something else.

The unseasonable warmth earlier this month has left my seasonal depression twice as bad now that the temperature’s dropped and the snow is all over the place. I’m already counting down the 59 days to the vernal equinox (March 21, seven minutes after midnight) and I can’t wait to go out on the patio barefooted.

59 days to the vernal equinox

Today I took the girls (Savannah, Alex and Cassidy) to the mall. I gave them each ten bucks and let them walk around while I sat in the bookstore drinking coffee and reading A Farewell to Arms. Right now I’m drinking a little Maker’s Mark and watching Bears/Saints for the NFC championship. There’s a fire in the fireplace and I’m on the couch.

Last night I took the girls to the gymnastics place on Coit and they were there from 7 to 10. While they were gone I used my time wisely. I beat Halo II for the second time. I should have been writing. That’s another three hours I’ll never get back.

Yesterday morning I had to make two stops. One to replace a UPS at a pharmacy, the other to fix something I had broke the day before. Don’t take IE7 out if you don’t want to drive back north of Belding road on a Saturday when you’d rather be doing something else.

The unseasonable warmth earlier this month has left my seasonal depression twice as bad now that the temperature’s dropped and the snow is all over the place. I’m already counting down the 59 days to the vernal equinox (March 21, seven minutes after midnight) and I can’t wait to go out on the patio barefooted.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Mr. Deity.com

http://www.mrdeity.com/ <-- there's only four episodes right now, but they are pretty funny.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Thursday, January 18, 2007

search terms that led people to my website:

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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun On Hold Music . . .

Today I had no calls. I had one call, a customer couldn’t find a file she had saved, but it was right on her desktop. I was there for an entire one minute, so I didn’t charge her. I know she’ll be calling me back, so that’s okay.

I had to make some calls to some customers who were late on payments. I hate making those calls. Once customer put me on hold, and what did I hear . . . ? “WHEN THE WORKING DAY IS DONE OH GIRLS, THEY WANT TO HAVE FU – UN, OH GIRLS THEY WANNA HAVE . . . THEY JUST WANNA, THE JUST WANNA . . . THEY JUST WANNA . . . GIRLS . . . “ You get the picture. So I had Cyndi Lauper’s 1983 smash hit stuck in my head for the rest of the day. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a whopper of a vocal performance, but I don’t want that bouncing around in my head all friggin’ day. Pay your bills people!

Did I mention podcast #97 is available?

An open Letter to Movie Directors Everywhere

Okay: I like movies. But there's one type of scene that is telegraphed no matter who is directing: The auto accident. Every movie I see, there are certain camera angles in cars that scream: "Okay, here comes an 'unexpected' auto accident!"

When I'm watching a movie, and there's a scene in a vehicle where they characters are just chatting about mundane day-to-day stuff, or even having dialog that moves the plot along, nine times out of ten I can say "car crash coming" and be right. You can just tell.

So movie directors, if you have to have a car crash, make sure to have some scenes in vehicles that DON'T have a car crash, so the viewers will get used to seeing the characters in cars, so when there IS a crash, it's like, "holy crap, didn't see that coming."

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Podcast #97: "Old Man at The Bank" is ready!

Podcast #97 is ready! "Old Man at the Bank" is ready for download. Visit the Podcast Page!

I proof-read and re-proof-read and re-re-proof-read my succulent short story

Today I sent my latest short story, “The Squid-Headed God” to Weird Tales magazine, where I imagine it will be accepted enthusiastically, and in a few years it will be made into a major motion picture starring some of today’s hottest stars’ grandchildren.

In my more mundane pursuits, I finished a reformat, configured email goodness, and scrumptified software irregularities at a tax preparation place.

I bought an airline sized bottle of Jack Daniels (a tiny bottle) and had a nice drink.

I proof-read and re-proof-read and re-re-proof-read my succulent short story and slipped it seductively into a thin sheath of pure, creamy white envelope.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Weekend Update, with your Weekend Update News Team . . .

Yesterday we refinanced from an ARM to a fixed rate on our mortgage. The word “mortgage” has the “mort” in it, because you pay until you’re dead. After that I had to drop off two machines and collect some money. Then I went to the Hideout and had two beers. I earned those beers by showing somebody how to run S-video to their television. It was an undocumented keystroke combo. I watched some football.

Today I went to Brian’s bearing pizza. Had a couple of beers there and watched the Bears beat the Seahawks.

Tomorrow I have two stops scheduled.

Stay tuned to my PODCAST PAGE. On Feb. 7th, episode #100 will be available then!

Friday, January 12, 2007

Little Squid Head

Last night (and this morning) I stayed up till 1:30 AM EST and finished my latest masterpiece, “Little Squid-Head God” a heartwarming tale of little carven gods, “happy slapping” visions of matricide and the culmination of somebody getting beaten to death with a baseball bat. I think it’s the feel-good hit of the winter!

But “Squid-Head” was just me warming up my writing chops for my newest bestseller, an epic work about a dystopian USA ruled by a uber-marketed totalitarian regime that uses clones for slave labor and entertainment, and one clone’s struggle to . . . uh, that’s all I got right now, but it reads better than I’m making it sound. I’ll write the pitch for it when I finish the story. I’m sure it will be made into a movie starring the children or grandchildren of some of today’s hottest Hollywood stars.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Howard City, GWB, and PacMan

Today I went to Howard City and removed all Spyware contaminants. Then I tried to organize my office and car. Ha! Next I went to a homebuilder’s place and did backup procedures.

My molar feels better and I am going to write a new bestseller tonight.

GWB spoke to me last night, and somehow I’m not convinced. That guy doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence. I don’t think he knows what he’s doing.

I’m going to play PacMan now on the Xbox.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Podcast #95 is available now!

proceed to podcast page

Apple - iPhone

Apple - iPhone <--my next phone. absolutely.

Notes from the Nocturnal Realm:

You know how I’m trying to be a writer and all that hoo-haw? Well writers are supposed to keep a notebook by their bedside so if they get any genius ideas in the middle of the night or in a dream they’re suppose to jot it down, and that note might be the spark for a story . . . bla la bla.

So I woke up just now, and all I could remember was the last sentence of the dream, and it was so strange I had to jot it down. Here’s my little gem of wisdom from the nether-regions of my subconscious. Someone in the dream was talking to me, and this is what they said:

“And when you get tired of getting advice from a monkey at a funeral for $12.99 a pop, call me.”


What? What? Who’s funeral? What advice? Where’d the monkey come from? Who was telling me this at the end of the dream?

So there you go patient reader, a little sludge from my gray matter.

Have a nice day. I’m going to try.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Recruiting the Dead:

This doesn't even need a comment. From CNN:

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Army said Friday it would apologize to the families of about 275 officers killed or wounded in action who were mistakenly sent letters urging them to return to active duty.

The letters were sent a few days after Christmas to more than 5,100 Army officers who had recently left the service. Included were letters to about 75 officers killed in action and about 200 wounded in action.

"Army personnel officials are contacting those officers' families now to personally apologize for erroneously sending the letters," the Army said in a brief news release issued Friday night.

The Army did not say how or when the mistake was discovered. It said the database normally used for such correspondence with former officers had been "thoroughly reviewed" to remove the names of wounded or dead soldiers.

"But an earlier list was used inadvertently for the December mailings," the Army statement said, adding that the Army is apologizing to those officers and families affected and "regrets any confusion."

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Hi, My name is Dan, and I watch poker.

It’s happened: I found myself watching World Series of Poker on ESPN2 and liking it. There. I said it, and I'm not ashamed!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

sites i found in a newspaper article

blufr.com <-- a true or false game. pretty fun. will you get "bluffed"?

popularitydialer.com <-- fake calls to yourself. Not sure why.

Weird Al interviewing Jessica Simpson <-- on YouTube.

Vicodin is Delicious!

Today they finally buried Gerald Ford. Thank goodness and God bless him. Now I can go downtown and fix computers. The whole town was jacked up for two days burying a guy that was 93 years old.

I got my split molar pulled today. My dentist is great about giving the laughing gas and anesthetic and the gas. I love laughing gas. I swear to God I saw a vision of my old neighborhood.

I saw at least seven accidents. Witnessed one. Some guy pulled out in front of Meijer on Plainfield Blvd. and got spun around. Dumb ass. It’s like everybody forgot to drive. And me driving around high on Vicodin and not even coming close to an accident.

There was a long line at the post office because Gerald R. Ford kept the friggin PO closed yesterday because he was 93 years old and he died. There was a lady with drawn-on eyebrows and gray tennis-shoes in front of me. Up ahead, “Ethan” wouldn’t stay in line with his mother. That kid needed to be smacked. Another lady on her cell phone was talking to her bank. “Debit for two thousand dollars?” She said. Then she said there must have been some mistake. Someone in line smelled like pot. There were 4 workers at the Post Office windows, which is amazing, because usually at least two slackers are on “break.” Government workers. I swear to God.

I’m going to take some Vicodin now and play Xbox.

About Me

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I am the author of 8 books: Android Down, Firewood for Cannibals, Brain Giblets, The Cubicles of Madness, Booze and News, Get Your Zen On, Zen Happens, and most recently, Robot Stories. I live and write in Michigan. My website is at danmanning.com

this is my website:
danmanning.com

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