Monday, April 28, 2008

generic blog post

Yesterday I did nothing. Played WoW, wrote a little, but otherwise wasted the day. My office chair finally collapsed and I have two folding chairs in here now.

It's friggin' cold out.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

intelligent design results (fig 4.)

intelligent design results (fig 4.)

Saturday, April 26, 2008

results of intelligent design (fig 3)

results of intelligent design (fig 3)

results of intelligent design (fig 2)

results of intelligent design (fig2)

Friday, April 25, 2008

results of intelligent design (fig 1)

results of intelligent design. (fig 1)

Now that's service

I know a lot of people aren't happy with Comcast. I'm not a fan-boy but listen to this: This morning my Internet connection went down at about 8:30. Fifteen minutes later, a Comcast truck showed up. I went out and asked him if he was there for the Internet connection. He said he was. It is 8:55, and my Internet is up.

I know their response time isn't always that fast, but today, at least, I have to give them some credit. Today at least, the response time was pretty damn good.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

generic blog post

Today I had all the aches and pains of having the flu, but without the nausea and diarrhea. Weird. All my joints ache and I have a low-grade headache, but nothing else. Half-flu. Better than full blown flu I suppose.

I only had one service call. Somebody's print spooler wasn't cooperating. I'm lucky I didn't wreck the car, because I was a little bleary driving.

mspaint.exe #2

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

farewell to all

I pen this missive from what may be my deathbed, but it is at least my sickbed. Death, that old hooded acquaintance, is just down the road, having a smoke and glancing down the street occasionally, looking at his watch. Where does he get a wristband small enough?

You see, I have been stricken by a horrible ailment. The flu. I want everyone to know my suffering because I am a sissy-boy drama queen when I am ill. Let others suffer in dignified silence, but not me.

Oh no, anyone but me.

Love one another. Cherish each day, no, each moment as if it might be your last, because tragically I now know first hand how fragile life is, like a snowflake melting on the smiling cheek of a little child.

Forgive one another! Call your parents. Hug your children. Buy that DVD box set. Dream big.

A wise man once said, in a now long forgotten Marty Feldman classic, "Life is as brief as a butterfly's fart."

Truer words were never spoken.

Don't weep for me world, when I have returned to the earth, and my bones are picked clean, remember me for the good times, for that's all we can do.

mspaint.exe #1

Government Stimulous Package already Stimulating me.

Oh, that sweet, sweet Eagle is going to shit some gub-mint money my way. I'm already spending a little more freely, already thinking things are looking up now that the gub-mint is finally looking out for my welfare by sending me a check. It's fantastic that the government is sending us all checks, looking out for our welfare. It's too bad there wasn't a more nimble name for the check. "financial stimulus package check" is just so cumbersome. What would be another way to describe a check that is meant to look out for our financial welfare? What is the word I'm looking for? I mean, I'm thankful the government is giving us a check because it is concerned for our welfare. Well, whatever the word is, its a good thing the entire nation needs a check to improve its welfare. What is it? What kind of check? What's the word I'm looking for?

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

oh, this makes me so friggin' proud . . .

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

"In the seventh inning fans all get up and sing 'Take Me Out to the Ball Game,' and they're already there. It's really a stupid thing to say and I don't know who made 'em sing it. Why would somebody that's there get up and sing take me out to the ball game? The first person to do it must have been a moron." - Pitcher Larry Anderson

generic blog post

Inventory the trunk, make postcards, played Wow. What a relaxing afternoon. Worked this morning, did some website update work for a company downtown. I should hit the driving range.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

two awesome ideas for corporate america:

idea #1, for Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream:
Introduce a flavor named "Chuck Norris"
idea #2 for Biggby Coffee:
Print the frequency card on the cardboard sleeve so people don't use a new one every time. duh.
Am I not wise and powerful?

Saturday, April 19, 2008

The hidden shame of polygamy . . .

Forget the underage girls, the multiple wives and the cultist lifestyle. The real crime committed by the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the practice of dressing their women-folk in those butt-ugly dresses. Damn, give them a burka so they can hide their faces in shame. Shame from wearing those crappy dresses. I'm a guy, I don't know much about fashion, but those dresses suck ass.

Friday, April 18, 2008

pope visits U.S.

The Pope visits the US and this happens:
(NYT)At 4:36 a.m. Central daylight time, a quake of magnitude 5.2 (revised from an initial 5.4) struck the southeastern part of the state, centered five miles from Bellmont, a tiny farm town close to the Wabash River, which marks the border with Indiana.
coincidence? I think not.

Stupid Internal Microsoft Vista SP1 Video - Leaked!

omfg this is friggin' stupid . . .

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Monday, April 14, 2008

i had to look in the back of the book

really dumb sentence:

From the New York Times, no less. The story is about the level of noise in Cairo, Egypt. The sentence is:
While noise is never cited as a reason for the spasms of violence, it is a silent enemy that makes the pressures of life that much harder to cope with, people on the streets here said.
"Silent"? Really? Silent noise huh? Brilliant.


Sunday, April 13, 2008

ha ha ha ha ha i hope you starve you fncking bastard!

WASHINGTON - Alberto R. Gonzales, like many others recently unemployed, has discovered how difficult it can be to find a new job. Mr. Gonzales, the former attorney general, who was forced to resign last year, has been unable to interest law firms in adding his name to their roster, Washington lawyers and his associates said in recent interviews.

Alberto R. Gonzales

He has, through friends, put out inquiries, they said, and has not found any takers. What makes Mr. Gonzales’s case extraordinary is that former attorneys general, the government’s chief lawyer, are typically highly sought.

awesome sentence

Found this awesome sentence in a movie review at
A good 20 minutes of screen time are devoted solely to convincing us of this character's douchebagdom.

Friday, April 11, 2008

The week of breathtaking piles of fncked-up bullshit.

Deb got a flat tire on the van. The Internets were blinking in and out. Had to fix a leak in the roof. Just now Deb's computer wouldn't start, but then started. Left turn signal on Taurus didn't work, then mysteriously started working. Guy wrote me a 500 dollar bad check and now he's in Florida and won't return my friggin calls. That's okay, I know where his office is. GodDammit.

Monday, April 07, 2008

160 miles of awesomeness

Yesterday I dug a rotten old tree root out of the ground with an axe. I burned an old wooden swing-set the girls outgrew last year. I drank Coronas and sat in the sun. I worked on a short story I'm going to send out. I played World of Warcraft. I puttered around the house.

Today I had SIX stops. I spread technological goodness all over the city, from Grand Haven on Ada to Kalamazoo Avenue to Rockford. 160 miles of awesomeness without even leaving "town".

The van had a flat tire, had to take the tire in for repairs. My internet connection was off and on all day.

I ran 4 miles.

All in all, a pretty sweet day. And the basketball tourney final is tonight. woot I say. woot.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

movie review: imperium: agustus

Imperium: augustus 2003 * This unwatchable piece of shit was a made-for-tv movie. I thought it might be okay cause Peter O'Toole was the main character. He used to be a great actor, but now he's a quivering sack of withered flesh. I rented it with my monthly free rental from Blockbuster, which is a good thing, because the acting was so bad I never found out if anyone was smokin' hot. ~ 01.12.07

About Me

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I am the author of 5 books: Android Down, Firewood for Cannibals, The Cubicles of Madness, Robot Stories, and most recently, Various Meats and Cheeses. I live and write in Michigan. My website is at