# THERE'S A PROBLEM WITH THAT THING

"There's a problem with that thing."

"No there isn't."

"Yes there is. That thing is happening all the time. We could fix the problem. It would take a lot of work, but..."

"No. There isn't a problem. I do not see a problem."

"But what about X, Y, and Z? We need to fix this stuff. Something needs to change."

"Those are isolated incidents. They are not connected in any way. All circumstances and events exist in a vacuum."

"They are a trend. They are a symptom of a bigger issue."

"No they aren't. Can you give me a specific example?"

"A couple, but there are so many..."

"If you can't give me twenty specific examples, right now, off the top of your head, there isn't a problem. If you give me twenty examples, I'll ask for twenty-one examples."

"This Thing is a problem. It's complicated and involves..."

"I don't see it. It isn't affecting me, so it isn't a problem..."

"It's a problem."

"Do you have a specific solution, that you can describe completely, right now? Is it foolproof and perfect, as all plans are foolproof and perfect?"

"Well no..."

"See? Then there is no problem, and even if there was a problem, which there isn't, it can't be fixed because there is no perfect solution that is easy, and involves no sacrifice. No problem."

"But..."

"Nope. End of discussion. I have to go do things now. Also, booze now. I do not have time for this. Things are going well for me, so there is no problem. Booze now, and sports. Booze now?"

"Yes, booze I suppose."

~~~  LATER ~~~

"Can you believe that thing that happened on the news!? It is awful and terrible! This will briefly make me somewhat sad, for a few days, or hours!!"

"Yes. I can believe it. I don't see why you are surprised. It is part of the thing we were talking about the other day, these things are connected."

"No. There is no problem. That is not a real problem. We don't need to fix it, it isn't a problem."

"You don't see how that led to this?"

"No. It is another isolated incident. I have to go do things now that are important to me. Work stuff now. Booze later, and also, sports."

Thought Experiment 15_01

Fifteen people are in a locked, windowless room.

#1 thru #10 are just random people.

#11 thru #15 are siblings.

#11 has a gun. He's waving it around and saying all kinds of crazy things. He has a long criminal record. He beats his wife. He's a major-league sociopath.

His siblings, #12 thru #15 are embarrassed and alarmed by his shenanigans, but #11 won't listen to reason. #11 is sensitive about his mother, and he makes this clear to everybody in the room.

"Anybody jokes about my mother, I kill him."

His siblings, while they might also be offended if someone insulted their mother, are at least reasonable about it. They don't like guns, and they are relatively sane.

So #1 thru #10 keep their mouths shut. Perhaps in the future they can reason with him, or disarm him, but right now, he's bat-shit crazy, and waving a gun.

Everybody keeps quiet except #3. He says:

"Your mama's so fat... "

BLAM BLAM BLAM

The crazy guy shoots #3 dead, as promised.

Now we all agree #11 has to be stopped, somehow. We understand the sibling's embarrassment about their psycho brother.

But what about #3?

You Aren't Going to Get Ebola

You aren't going to get Ebola. Terrorists aren't going to cut off your head. You won't be shot by a random gunman at the mall/theater/church/school. What annoys you is a symptom of a bigger problem. 9/11 wasn't an inside job. That new gadget won't fix it. (There's nothing to fix.) The government isn't going to take your guns. Gun owners aren't taking over the world. Your party won't fix anything. The government isn't watching you; you aren't that interesting. Cops can't help it. Criminals can't help it. You (probably) won't end up homeless, but if you do, you'll figure something out. Stop watching the news. You aren't crazy. You're doing the best you can. God isn't threatened by science. Be kinder than you have to be. Creationists won't destroy science. Legalized gay marriage won't turn you gay. Yes, stupidity is everywhere, but not everyone is stupid on the same frequency. Things aren't unraveling, they're changing, just like always. The slope isn't that slippery. Stop taking selfies. People are not getting dumber. Most Christians don't care if you're gay. Most atheists don't care if you're Christian. Christmas isn't under attack. Your ________ is less interesting than you think. Booze isn't going to fix it. Stop trying to fix it. Rich people can't help it. Poor people can't help it. You don't need a new _____ unless the one you have is broken. You don't need a new _____. Nativity scenes do not lead to theocracy. The world economy will keep tottering along. You annoy somebody. You look fine. Your clothes are fine. Your car is fine. Your booze is fine. Your phone is fine. It's good enough. You don't need pills from the TV. The Internet isn't harming your kids. Everything is going to work itself out. Relax.

#85 THE PISSED OFF WITH GUNS SONG

Pissed off white guys with guns,
Pissed off white guys with guns,
Pissed off white guys with guns,
Oh yeah, Oh yeah.

Pissed off Muslims with guns,
Pissed off Muslims with guns,
Pissed off Muslims with guns,
Oh yeah, Oh yeah.

Pissed off soldiers with guns,
Pissed off soldiers with guns,
Pissed off soldiers with guns,
Oh yeah Oh yeah.

Pissed off police with guns,
Pissed off police with guns,
Pissed off police with guns,
Oh yeah, Oh yeah.

Pissed off humans with guns,
Pissed off humans with guns,
Pissed off humans with guns,
Oh yeah, Oh yeah.

{repeat, ad infinitum}

#79 THEY TELL US WHAT TO THINK

There are photogenic, sonorous people with cameras and microphones, and they tell us what to think.
They claim to tell us what is happening, but they tell us what to think.
They might be on the Left, and they might be on the Right, but they tell us what to think.
 They tell us what to buy and wear and drink and they tell us what to think.
Right and the Left work together to tell us what to think.
 If we think for ourselves we are told we are wrong and they tell us what to think.
They "inform" us by forming us and they tell us what to think.
 The news is not the news because they tell us what to think.
 By tone of voice and innuendo and background music they hide that they are telling us what to think while they tell us what to think.

In school they tell us what to think. In church they tell us what to think.
At work they tell us what to think.
On the campaign trail and in office they tell us what to think.
Rebellious groups are still groups and they tell us what to think.
In press releases and written statements they tell us what to think.
 In history books and police reports they tell us what to think.
Our families and friends tell us what to think.
 Commercials tell us we shrink and slink and stink and they tell us what to eat and drink and think.
Everywhere you turn people tell us what to think.

Teen charged in Miami's 19 serial cat killings - CNN.com

Teen charged in Miami's 19 serial cat killings - CNN.com: "He could face a maximum of 158 years in state prison if convicted on all counts, said Terry Shavez, spokeswoman for the state attorney's office."

--If they give this kid 158 years for killing cats, that would be awesome.

The FDA is now going to regulate tobacco.

How hard could this possibly be? I'll spell it out:

Day 1: Yeah! we regulate tobacco!
Day 2: Tobacco is illegal.

How could they possibly allow tobacco to be legal? It kills the sh!t out of people all the time. I am NOT anti-smoking, but if they are going to "regulate" tobacco, and it kills as many people as it kills, then the only "logical" thing to do would be to make it illegal.

OR

Legalize the stuff that is less harmful.

The other thing that surprises me is this: The FDA WASN'T regulating tobacco until this year? WTF are those slackers good for?

cnn: delivering hard, important news.

Babies + Drill = WRONG!

At recent Republican rallies, they have been chanting "Drill baby drill!". Sarah Palin even mentioned it during the debate. Babies and drills do not mix. Babies should not be allowed to operate any power tools, and drills are probably one of the most dangerous power tools a baby could operate. Why do the Republicans hate babies? It is obvious what would happen if a baby got hold of a power drill. Besides the risk of serious damage to property, the baby could get hurt! The sound alone would probably scare the baby and make it cry.

Or do the Republicans actually want to drill babies? This is even worse. And they claim to respect life. Bullshit. What kind of sick agenda do the Republicans have if all they want to do is drill holes in defenseless babies? That is just un-American.

We have to stop these sick bastards. Vote Obama on November 4th, and lets stop these sick Republican bastards from hurting the babies.

Why does God hate Iowa?

Why does God hate Iowa? Is it their incessant church-going? All the praying? The All-Americanism? Why does God hate Iowa? Why has he sent his mighty flood to destroy them? What have they done to deserve God's mighty wrath?

What message is Our Lord sending us? Why does he spare Utah, with its crazy polygamy sects and its salty, salty lake? Shouldn't he smite Utah?

What is it that God hates about the down-home, middle-class values found in Iowa?

Why does God hate Iowa? Is turning corn into ethanol some sort of abomination? Does God hate overalls? Or has the idol worship of John Deer tractors finally aroused God's mighty wrath?

Is it the surly, sexual undertones of today's modern Country Music with its exaltation of alcohol-fueled honky-tonk sexual congress with relative strangers?

Why does God hate Iowa? Why?

Hey FEMA, take good notes!

I hope FEMA is taking notes on how the Chinese are handling the earthquake aftermath. Our disaster response during the Katrina hurricane was so ass-backwards compared to how the Chinese are handling the earthquake.

Maybe we can just call the Chinese for the relief effort for our next disaster, because our Federal Government can't find its own ass with a flashlight.

The hidden shame of polygamy . . .

Forget the underage girls, the multiple wives and the cultist lifestyle. The real crime committed by the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the practice of dressing their women-folk in those butt-ugly dresses. Damn, give them a burka so they can hide their faces in shame. Shame from wearing those crappy dresses. I'm a guy, I don't know much about fashion, but those dresses suck ass.

Gov. Elliot Spitzer busted for high-priced prostitute

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

His nickname was "Mr. Clean". Why do the wives of these assholes stand by them while they make their public apology? Why? It's stupid. Why doesn't her DIVORCE LAWYER stand next to him?

The Credit Crunch

If we were really a Chri$tian nation, and we're obviously not, we wouldn't have a credit crunch. Oh America, you nation of Chri$tians, are you really following your bible? I think not:

Exodus 22:25

New American Standard Bible
"If you lend money to My people, to the poor among you, you are not to act as a creditor to him; you shall not charge him interest.

King James Bible
If thou lend money to any of my people that is poor by thee, thou shalt not be to him as an usurer, neither shalt thou lay upon him usury.

Leviticus 25:36

Take thou no usury of him, or increase: but fear thy God; that thy brother may live with thee.

Take no interest from him or profit, but fear your God; that your brother may live among you.

much bla bla about stuff

The sun is out and I thought, "Today I start training for the marathon". I located my stylish tracksuit my mother-in-law bought me a few years ago, and then I checked the weather channel to see the temperature: 14 miserable degrees (F). Dammit!

Yesterday I dropped checked my cell phone from an altitude of 4 feet. Grand Rapids is 610 feet above sea level, and the check surface was hard tile. I am pleased to report that my Samsung SCH-a870 cell phone passed with flying colors, bouncing approximately 1 foot in the air with an amazing spin rate while I exclaimed "SHIT!" and caught it before the second bounce. Cell phone checks 4.0 after drop check. In short, my phone was on the washer and I knocked it off and it fell.

I Heard some good reviews about a movie "Paranoid Park" on the radio.

Had lunch with a few friends at The Beltline Bar, which amazingly, is not on the Beltline. They make a mean burrito, aptly named "The Famous" and I was scoring some legendary farts later that afternoon.

Doom and gloom in the economic front. Jobs are more scarce, gasoline has hit record highs, and the dollar is sucking ass vs every other currency on the planet.

I've heard a lot of economic experts trying to say whether or not we are in a recession. Let me, Dan Manning, put the question to rest.

Yes, we are in a recession Here is the research to back up my claim:

If you have to ask if you're in a recession, you're in a recession.

OK? Everybody clear now?

Jesus F*cking Christ, will you guys stop wasting my money on this retarded sh*t?

Behold House Resolution 847, one of the many things on which these fucktards in the 110th Congre$$ are wasting time. The intrinsic retardation of this piece of shit legislation transcends satire or mockery. This bill is it's own comedy bit. The very radioactive nature of its stupidity, its disregard for the separation of Church and State, and the blatant use of a loaded issue to coerce votes boggles the mind and reaffirms my 0% hope in anything positive emerging from this cabal of worthless corporate-cock-sucking plutocrats.

this is one reason is why network news sucks:

ABC News opening story for Friday, November 16:

Barry Bonds took steroids, and baseball has a steroids problem. How much time did they spend on this? 4:48. Almost 5 minutes on a stupid game.

The second story? A typhoon kills at least 1100 people. Time spent: 1:33. Less than two minutes on a catastrophe bigger than 9/11. Not only were those people killed, but their farms and homes were destroyed.

If every professional baseball player overdosed with steroids and died tomorrow, the world would be a better place because baseball is stupid.

That's one reason why network news sucks.

No, you can't have your day in court. Now shut the f**k up and pay your parking ticket.

~ ~ ~

Cities Eliminate Right to Contest Parking Tickets
Boston, Massachusetts and Washington, DC effectively eliminate the right to contest parking tickets.

In an attempt to stem the loss of revenue from motorists contesting parking tickets, cities are effectively eliminating the traditional due process rights of motorists to defend themselves at an impartial hearing. By the end of next year, Washington, DC's Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) will not allow anyone who believes he unfairly received a citation to have his day in an administrative hearing.

"DMV will complete the phase-out of in-person adjudication of parking tickets in favor of mail-in and e-mail adjudication by December 2008," the Fiscal Year 2008 DMV plan states.

The move is intended to allow automated street sweeper parking ticket machines to boost the number of infractions cited well beyond the 1.6 million currently handed out by meter maids. As one-third of those who contest citations in the city are successful, the hearings cut significantly into the $100 million in revenue tickets generate each year.

Under the DMV's plan, motorists will only be able to object to a ticket by email or letter where city employees can ignore or reject letters in bulk without affected motorists having any realistic recourse. That's not good enough for residents like Emily Miller, who told us that being able to present her case in person was essential. The Sunday school teacher was found not guilty at an administrative DMV hearing in June of driving with an open container of coffee. She was so thrilled with her victory that she decided to fight a parking ticket issued to her in a location where the parking signs were contradictory.

Motorists in many cities besides DC complain about unfair citations. So far, Baltimore, Maryland's Inspector General has uncovered 10,000 bogus parking tickets issued to innocent motorists. In Boston and other cities in Massachusetts, motorists cannot challenge a $100 parking ticket in court without first paying a $275 court fee. If found innocent, the motorist does not receive a refund of the $275.

found here

Source: FY08 Performance Plan (Washington DC Department of Motor Vehicles, 11/9/2007)

Her arm was found near the accident still clutching a cell phone.

Woman's Arm Severed In Car Accident

A Letcher County woman suffered a horrible injury early Thursday when her arm was severed in a car crash on the Mountain Parkway in Clark County.

Jacqueline Dotson and her six-year-old daughter had to be cut out of their vehicle after the accident in which Dotson veered into the median and over-corrected, rolling her truck over the guardrail and landing upside down after flipping several times.

Several people stopped to help, and it turns out, the good samaritans may very well have saved Dotson's life. Sheila Vice, a nurse's aide, and an off-duty EMT from another county stopped to help, and put a tourniquet on Dotson's arm to stop the bleeding. Her arm was found near the accident still clutching a cell phone.

"Basically we stayed there and talked to them until the EMT drivers got there," said Vice.

Rescuers used the jaws of life to get the Dotson and her daughter out of the truck. Both were flown to hospitals, and Dotson is listed in serious condition at UK Hospital. Her daughter is not in the hospital, and sheriff's officials say they believe she's going to be fine.

Both were wearing seat belts.

thanks barry! link

We Were Civilians

~ ~ ~

We were civilians.

The war didn't rage really; there was just a steady flow of dead and dismembered soldiers whose names were on the Internet and on the news programs. The soldiers were black, Hispanic, white and Asian. Some of us paid attention and some of us didn't and some of us were devastated. If you didn't know any of the unlucky ones, then they were only statistics.

These statistics were given on the network news between the school shooting and the celebrity scandal stories. The numbers were tallied with somber patriotic video graphics. Maybe it was an American flag waving slowly, or maybe a combat boot-rifle-helmet combo. These graphics looked great on our high-def wide screen televisions. "What a shame," we said, shaking our heads. When the story about the latest breakthrough in the treatment of osteoporosis came on, we changed the channel to VH1 or ESPN and forgot all about the war.

We were civilians.

Some of us didn't think about the war at all.

With no draft, it was a voluntary thing to go to Iraq and get blown up. It was okay that those brave men and women were getting mangled because they were volunteers; no one was forcing them to enlist and reenlist.

If you could get a job and make decent money, there was no reason to go. If you came from a wealthy family, it didn't make any sense to go. And with the advent of yellow-ribbon car magnets, we had a convenient way to ease our conscience and support the troops at the same time.

That was our attitude anyway, and we went on with our lives as if nothing was wrong. Those were fascinating times, and we couldn't fit it into our busy schedules to enlist. We played newer and better video games, we surfed more rich and interactive websites on ever shinier and faster computers. If we didn't like the war, we could always say so on our blogs. We carried fancier, more feature-rich phones. We drove more technologically advanced cars, and while those cars were all built overseas, we didn't care because they had Ipod docks to give us music, GPS to give us direction, and DVD players to give us a break from the kids. Some of those vehicles got decent gas mileage, but most of them did not.

We were civilians.

Some of us drove massive pickup trucks and SUVs with shiny grills, and those things take gas. What a sense of awesome power these behemoths bestowed upon us as we moved between desk and cubicle and home and hearth. These machines carried us back and forth to work so we could pay our crazy mortgages.

We were civilians.

We didn't have time to go fight a war. Reality shows were coming up with more interesting twists. Starlets and singers were in and out of rehab. These were interesting times.

There were new drugs to keep us thin and happy. They put us to sleep at night. They calmed our restless legs and gave us everlasting erections. We had a pill for everything, so we were happy.

We were civilians.

Were other people making sacrifices? Sure, but we were willing to pay that price. Now we had a military base over the precious, sweet, life-giving Middle East oil.

With no draft, the rest of us could take it easy. There were sporting events to watch and alcohol to drink. We were civilians, and we did what our President asked us to do.

We went shopping.