Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Today I chopped wood. Today I bought stamps.
I've been reading The Salmon of Doubt by Douglas Adams. for those of you who don't know, (shame! shame I say) Douglas Adams wrote The Hichhiker's Guide to The Galaxy. The Salmon of Doubt, published after his death, is a collection of essays and articles he wrote over his career. It's great reading. Better than the Hichhiker's series, I think.
Anywhooo, I'm sweating my naughty bits off because I was out in the humidity chopping wood.
Air Conditioner update: it's working fine, now that it's thawed out.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
My first call today was to repair a receipt printer at the Zales jewelry store at Rivertown Mall. That involves a jaunt down I96. It was raining kind of hard, and traffic was heavy. So I’m tooling along in the slow lane, minding my own damn bidness, when this Semi changes lanes from the right lane to the left lane, cutting off a small blue car that was already in the left lane.
And so the fishtailing begins for the little blue car. It started out with a wobble to the right, a wobble to the left, etc., slowly getting more and more severe until it was perpendicular to traffic facing right, then the other way facing left, and then it. It seems like it took forever, and the entire time I’m slowing down nice and easy thinking “please don’t let me get caught up in the crash, I got shit to do.”
But the blue car, magically, doesn’t hit any other car, and it careens off the highway and down the embankment.
So I pull over and hit the hazard button. I check the mirror. Didn’t want to lose my door to the highway traffic tearing down the slick, rainy road. I get out and run across the two lanes of highway and down through the high wet weeds and the blue car is at the bottom of the ditch, front end crumpled against a tree.
I have the cell phone out and dial 911
I tap on the window, and this girl is just bawling her eyes out, her face is all cried-up and red, she’s shaking and holding her cell phone. She opens the door and says, “The truck cut me off,” and she’s bawling. I tell ask her if she’s okay and she says her shoulder hurts. I tell her I’m calling for help and wonder why it’s taking so long for them to answer the friggin’ phone.
Then I remember to hit “Send,” and my hands are shaking, even though she obviously isn’t hurt, I realize that while I can tell everything will be fine, this poor young woman thinks she almost died. She’s not hysterical, but she’s got that little girl scaredy voice, like she’s trying real hard not to cry, and I tell her she’ll be okay.
So the operator asks what the emergency is, and I tell her there’s been an accident on I96 west, and the operator informs me that I96 is a long highway, could she get a little information like, mile marker or exit?
I have no idea. I had been listening to XM radio “Chill” station just vegetating and driving when the whole fishtail dance started two car-lengths ahead of me. So I climb the embankment and look for a mile-marker. There’s one about twenty or thirty yards down the road, but like a jackass, I left my glasses in the car and I have no idea what the fuzzy shapes on the little sign say.
Cell phone to ear, I’m running down the shoulder until the fuzzy white shapes pull themselves together enough to say “72” I tell the operator.
So I run back down the embankment, and I ask the girl how her shoulder is, and she says she thinks she’s not hurt. I ask her name and she says “Becky,” and tell her everything is going to be fine, she’d not hurt, and help is on the way. I look up and the ambulance is already there, backing up on the shoulder, as if by magic. I swear three minutes didn’t pass between the accident and the ambulance getting there.
I go halfway up the embankment and meet the ambulance drivers. I asked if they needed me to hang around, and he says no, so I leave.
I go to the mall with soaking wet pants and boots covered with weed stuff, and I fix the receipt printer.
I am such a big friggin hero.
Monday, May 29, 2006
These are pretty tame by today's standards, but funny.
I went golfing this morning with Brian, Jay, and Sid. Great times. I didn’t golf so well, but had a good time nonetheless. We went to BW3s after, and I had a grilled chicken sandwich and a beer.
After that, it was chillin’ in the pool.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Thursday, May 25, 2006
i've had no calls today, which makes me surly, and makes me wonder what's the difference between being self-employed and un-employed. it just matters if the friggin' phone rings. thing is i make more in one hour working for myself than i would working all day at Lowes, so I guess i'm stuck. plus i can play world of warcraft or work on my book when i'm not fixing other people's computer problems.
at least they convicted those Enron assholes.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
yet again, my stories are getting out there: this time on the podcast AIR OUT MY SHORTS episode number 46 (available on Itunes, or on theitspot.com's website.) click the "listen" link. Basically, they read 800 word stories on their show. So they read my story "The Wrong Excuse" and they liked it.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Yesterday I unboxed a brand new Dell and set it up in a dentist office. I made a printer print. I wrote some words. I took Savannah to the library. I watched AeonFlux (2005, Charlize Theron) it sucked in a way a 92 minute music video would suck if it wasn't very good. Theron is super hot, so I watched it till the end.
Today slow computers will become suddenly fast after my skillfull administrations. I will golf erratically; my chip shots will fall short, and my drives will veer to the right, probably seeking the company of trees.
Life is good, my mind is clear, my teeth don't hurt, and the coffee is always hot at Denny's. Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me . . . motherfuckers!
Sunday, May 21, 2006
The best ride the Giant Drop, which is a free-fall ride. Scared the crap out of me.
The drive home was an butt-kicker, but i'm a driving pansy when it comes to long distances. Lucky I had my iPod loaded with lots of political talk shows and podcasts. Kept me wide awake, and shortened the drive. We got home about one in the morning. It was raining. I hate driving at night.
IN OTHER HUGE NEWS . . . When I got home, despite the late hour, I checked my email. I sold ANOTHER STORY to another SF magazine, this time for the March '07 issue of AOIFE'S KISS magazine.
Friday, May 19, 2006
I made a XP installation genuine by some simple registry changes :) I declared a camera incapable of connecting to its computer.
I fished a shoe off of the roof of the school.
I have something VERY IMPORTANT to say to you all. Please get all your news from Ze Frank from now on. It is very important that you do this.
I played World of Warcraft. I read a book. I coughed up some phlem. I ate some bratwurst. I filled the van up with gas. (oh . . . my . . . God that sh*t's expensive!) I sat on the paito. I watched television. I typed this.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Friday, May 12, 2006
Hunkered down in my office, door closed, my only contact with the outside world is my cable modem internet connection, XM radio, and a hand-held portable TV. I'm not sure how long I can last. The dog is in the office with me because she'll eat all of the childrens' pizza, and we can't have that.
The reason there are so many childrens in my house is Alexandria's 8th b'day, which is on the 16th. She's having the big ta-do tonight because we have something or other going on that weekend, so it's all about scheduling.
Today I manifested AOL connectivity, Wireless hoo-ha, and reformat goodness. Long live Microsoft and their fragile, touchy OS.
In other news, Joey Harrington was traded to Miami. Thank God! Loser! Be Gone!