I saw this on a tee-shirt . . . really.

CHRISTIANITY:

The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

Makes perfect sense.

generic blog post I posted Sunday

I golfed Tuesday and shot horribly. I did hit a lot of fairways, but couldn't chip to save my life. I painted yesterday, up on a ladder; I painted the highest reaches of our sprawling estate. I went to my writer’s club today. That was pretty cool. I sent a story to the “Air Out My Shorts” podcast. They read short-short 800 word stories there. They’ve already read one of mine in episode #46, so maybe they’ll read another one.

I’m plotting out a new bestselling novel. I’ve found a way to plot it all out first so it doesn’t go to shit in the first couple of chapters.

I’ve slept on my neck wrong for two days in a row, and it’s pissing me off, because it is like having a hangover, but I haven’t had any beer. What a rip!

the moon

best viewed with headphones.

What the F**k is Lindsay Lohan's Problem?

Get a friggin' chauffeur. She can't afford to hire a driver? Duh. Rich people are so friggin' stupid. But sometimes they pull off some stunning mug shots . . .

really short book review, Witches of Eastwick.

The Witches of Eastwick

John Updike

1984

* * *

The first three-quarters were great. The last part, boring. Updike can really describe stuff. ~ July 21, 2007

http://www.marathonminute.com/

Hey everybody,

Check out Don's new podcast, Marathon Minute. He's on the radio and everything. Inspirational messages, even if you don't run. http://www.marathonminute.com/

Tammy Faye Messner is the friggin' Crypt Keeper

if you look like this:



Please don't put yourself in front of a camera. And shame on CNN and Larry King for exploiting this poor, dying, terrifying walking corpse. Jeez.

Harry Potter Line (queue?) already forming at bookstore.

While Savannah and I were at the bookstore at about 8 PM, a kid was setting up a tent for the Midnight release of the 7th Harry Potter book. That’s only 28 hours away. Good luck kid!

Savannah and I saw the latest Harry Potter movie. It was pretty dark and action packed. It was pretty good.

homer rules!

Hi kids,

Nothing to report, but I found this funny story: http://film.guardian.co.uk/news/story/0,,2128300,00.html

May you have a nice day.

I STILL WON'T WATCH SOCCER

I have tried. I understand that the rest of the world loves soccer. I’ve made an honest effort to watch soccer. I even watched the world cup. David Beckham has joined some team in LA, and everyone is speculating that it will make Americans watch soccer. I don’t think so. I once watched the movie “Bend it Like Beckham,” because I thought my daughters might like it, but it was boring, and when I rented it, I had no idea who David Beckham was. At least Keira Knightley was in the movie, she’s smoking hot.

Even if Keira Knightley, and a bunch of other equally hot girls formed a soccer league and played in bikinis, I’d probably only watch a couple of times. . . no wait, I might tune in to that program more than once, but that’s about the only way I’d watch soccer. And then only if at the end, they mud-wrestled.

Because soccer is boring. I know that we Americans should join in the international sport, so that a global sense of fellowship and some kind of common spirit would traverse the globe, eventually resulting in international peace and goodwill.

But really, the only time soccer is interesting is when there is a big drunken riot, and then only when the good parts of the riots are condensed into a four minute montage on one of those “Shocking Video” shows you see on the spike channel.

And oh yeah, when that one dude head-butted that other dude. That was cool.

So, I know the LA Whatchamacallits are banking on Beckham drawing a crowd to American soccer. I understand that he’s the Michael Jordan of soccer and all that, but the coolest thing about him, to me at least, is that he’s tagging Posh Spice. That means he’s cool. That fact that he’s good at soccer? Meh, whatever.

So good luck American Soccer people. When Beckham shows up on “The Surreal Life” with a pot-belly and a drinking problem with Lance Armstrong and Maria Sharapova, then we’ll know he’s really made it.

the confession machine

~ B O O K R E V I E W ~

The Razor’s Edge by W. Somerset Maugham has everything a novel should have. Fantastic characters, death, marriages, romance, jealousy, deceit, and a story that moves. There is Larry the mystic, Elliot the lovable snob, Isabel the socialite. Every character is distinct. The stock market crashes in ’29 at just the right point. This work is a masterpiece, and everybody should read it. Right now!

~~ M U S I C R E V I E W ~~

Donnie Iris’s “Ah Leah” is a great friggin’ song. The vocals are awesome. The simple base line and sonic wave of sound, especially in a good set of earphones, rocks. The guitar solo, probably sixteen notes long, is simple, yet it would peel the paint off the wall if cranked up enough.

re-incarnation

if you are bad in this life, you will re-incarnate into this chair after you die.

THIS BOOK HAS NOT BEEN CONDENSED, ITS BULK IS LESS BECAUSE GOVERNMENT REGULATIONS PROHIBIT USE OF HEAVIER PAPER.

Why no blog posts lately? Well, my life has been smooth and uneventful. Today I joined a writer’s group, and it was actually pretty nice. I’m motivated to write. Plus, people read my writing, and that makes me happy. This week I mowed the lawn. I fixed several computers. I pulled about a million mulberries from our pool. I went to the Firehouse Open, thrown each year by some friends of mine, and I had many Bloody Marys. I golfed okay, I suppose. I’m working on a book idea, but so far, it sucks ass.

My fascination with everything Paris Hilton is finally wearing off. For awhile there, I had to know what she was doing every minute of every day, and I had no shortage of "news" outlets that were more than willing to give me everything I wanted. Actually, I'm being sarcastic. Sort of. London is getting attacked by terrorists. I’m already sick of all the presidential candidates on both sides.

I’m watering my lawn. I’m going to have a rum-and-club-soda-with-lime in a few minutes. I’m reading The Razor’s Edge by W. Somerset Maugham. I looked this edition up on the Internets, and somebody’s selling one for $350.00 bucks. This book has the following stamped on the backside of the title page:

THIS BOOK HAS NOT BEEN CONDENSED, ITS BULK IS LESS BECAUSE GOVERNMENT REGULATIONS PROHIBIT USE OF HEAVIER PAPER.

I think they must have been rationing paper or something for the war? It came out in 1944.

Anywhoo, Deb and the girls are visiting her mom today, so I got the place to myself. I’m going to have a drink, a smoke, and a sit on the porch, and I’m going to read.

I’ve been trying to catch my secret crush Maria Sharapova at the Wimbledon, but I keep missing it. I keep catching the guys playing tennis, and who wants to watch that crap? That's almost as pointless as watching men's beach volleyball. Makes no sense whatsoever.

book review, Lolita

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov, (1955)

A book about a pedophile obsessed with fucking twelve-year-old girls. I got half-way through. The first half was about him trying to get the girl, actually marrying Lolita's mother in order to get near the girl. That part was okay. But once he got the girl, well, it got boring after that. No, there weren't any sex scenes, but it was depressing enough as it is. While it was well written, the last half really sucked ass as it becomes a dismal tour of American tourist traps and motels.

see more reviews at http://www.danmanning.com/37.php

morphage!

Lennon's Last Words

Yoko breaks silence to reveal Lennon's last words
By Andrew Johnson
Published: 10 June 2007

For 40 years Yoko Ono has kept a silent dignity in the face of global vilification meted out by legions of Beatles fans.

But today, in an emotional interview, she reveals the last words her husband John Lennon uttered moments before he was gunned down on a New York street in 1980 by Mark Chapman.

"I said 'shall we go and have dinner before we go home?' and John said 'No, let's go home because I want to see Sean before he goes to sleep'," Ono, 73, told Kirsty Young on 'Desert Island Discs'.

Young then asked Ono if Lennon had said anything after he was shot, to which she replied in almost a whisper: "No."

Ono, a conceptual artist, admitted that she would never be more than "the wife of an ex-Beatle".

Choosing Edith Piaf's "Je Ne Regrette Rien" as one of her discs, she added: "I regret nothing, too."

found here

Mojito

Today I spent the morning fixing many things at a new business customer. It went well. I don’t know if you’ve seen those Bacardi mojito recipe commercials, where everybody’s real cool and everything, and there are lots of hot women dancing around all sexy-like. Anyhoo, I made one of those drinks, and they are pretty tasty. A forbidden Lambada style dance party didn’t erupt in my house, but it is a cool drink on a hot day.

Otherwise, I have nothing to report.

Oh, did you see this?

new video camera=new videos

I made two videos:

One of the dog.

One of the girls running with streamers

nothing to report here. have a good weekend.