Let all people of Earth read what is written here:

Today I used “specialized tools” to open a Compaq computer that was built in the late 1800s. It had those nostalgic “star” head screws, like that’s going to stop anybody from peeling it open and taking the HD out of it. I had to tell a lady that I didn’t “do it for free” when she started asking me all kinds of computer questions about her new computer. Then I thought, “I should hold classes.” And I think I might.

I went to the bank and there was a sign on the door. This lady tried the doors, but they wouldn’t open. This is Friday at about 2-something PM. I was in my car when the lady tried the doors, and I’m thinking, “those f**king slackers, it’s not even close to the Fourth of July, and they’re closed?” So I get out and the lady says, “I saw some people go in.” So I look in the window, and there were people in there. I said, “Not sure how they got in there.” Then the lady pulls on the doors again and says, “Maybe I didn’t pull hard enough,” and the doors opened. What a fake out.

I had to buy new tires. The reason I had to buy new tires is because I loaned my air compressor to my neighbor. Actually, I had to get new tires because I loaned my air compressor to my neighbor, and since he wasn’t home I drove to the Speedway to get my tires aired up. Since it costs FIFTY F**KING CENTS to air up your tires at Speedway (where is the outrage people? where is the f**king outrage) I decided I wouldn’t air them up there. I looked at the little sticker in the corner of my windshield, and I was about 700 miles over my oil change mileage. So I went to Valvoline Instant Oil Change (yes, I am a lazy, pansy city-boy who doesn’t change his own oil) and got the oil change because they check the air pressure. So the guy at Valvoline Instant Oil Change tells me to “be careful” because my driver’s side front tire is showing cord and could blow at any time. This is the same thing the guy at the tire place told me about a month earlier when they fixed a leak in the tire. So, with a second opinion, I got the tires changed.

Luckily, there is a bar, Bud and Stanley’s, just a few blocks away. I stopped by the tobacco store, got a cigar, and then sat on the deck at Bud and Stanley’s and drank Coronas. Did I mention how friggin’ beautiful it was out today?

I bought Pizza. Deb and I are now on the patio, she’s reading a book and I’m typing this. The birds are singing. The dog is begging for pizza. The pool strainer sounds like a fountain. I got the slightest beer buzz. Life is good.

Have a good weekend.

is it just me, or do the cops just make shit up as they go along if they think someone gets "uppity?" They arrested a guy for having security cameras on his own property. Fucking Pigs. Nashuatelegraph.com: Man charged after videotaping police

7:48 PM:
Good day. Two old ladies, two PCs, two AOL accounts, some memory installation, some speaker sales, some new laptop setup, some AOL password recovery, some purchasing of specialized tools to open ancient Compaq laptop to get at HD to transfer files.

A mailbox full of check goodness.

A growler of beer, (untouched as of yet) the updating of websites, airing of tires, reading of emails, playing of video games, calm, cool and collected. A new button-down black shirt.

The cleaning of the pool and the smoking of a cigar (later). The listening to 60s music and the scratching of itchy toe. The reading of a book and the writing of a chapter. The crick in the neck. The sweet smell of magic markers. . . . wah?? what the hell did I just type??

Today I did many things. I set up wireless network goodness for both PCs and Macs, and the PC shared a printer, and the Mac found it lickity-split.

That’s right, I said lickity-split. You have a problem with that?

Anywhoo, I did that and transferred some files and I got to keep the old laptop. I will mount it into a robotic automaton, perhaps a robot, if you will. This robot, which now sits slumped over in the corner of my garage, is made from the finest brushed stainless steel. It is modeled after one of Picasso’s cubist works, Harlequin with Violin. I call my robot Harl, but while he is already a masterpiece, he has no soul. That’s where the Dell Inspiron 7000 comes in. Using a simple blog-sythesis tool I found on the internet, this robot will be imbibed with my personality, gleaned completely from the contents of this blog. Using wireless technology, it will learn from my entries here and develop a more complete personality.

Of course, this will only be toward one goal, the point of self-awareness, when it realizes it is too smart to take orders from me . . . and then the warmed-over Frankenstein/Matrix/Terminator plot happens again.

In reality, I set up a wireless network, moved some data, replaced a modem, found a tower riddled with viruses SO profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here.

I cleaned the pool. I don’t know about you girls, but when I get into a cold pool, I hate the part when my nasty bits touch the cold water.

But enough about my nether regions.

Business is picking up, and there is a strong possibility that I’m going to be able to pay the mortgage. I even bought some supplies today.

We all walked to Baskin Robbins and got some ice-cream.

Last night I dreamt of my old girlfriend. She moved to Indiana and went on to great things, (I think) and I never heard from her again. I wonder what really happened to her. Anyway, last night I dreamt I had business there in her town for some reason, and she asked me “what are you doing here?” and she was pretty alarmed. I guess that makes me a nocturnal stalker or something. She still looked 16 years old, but I guess people don’t age in dreams. I didn’t get anywhere with her, cause her stupid jock boyfriend was hanging around, the bastard. And her dad. She wouldn’t even come out of the house and talk to me. What a disappointing dream. She still looked sixteen.

Am I creeping you out right now?

Enough about me and my unhinged cerebral cortex.

Yesterday (in the real, slightly less cool world of reality) I got one call in the morning from a gentleman whose daughter’s laptop was having power problems. I told him it might be the cord, and it might be the socket the cord plugged into. He said the socket fix sounded simple, and I explained that the socket is soldered to the motherboard, which is pretty much the entire laptop, and it means disassembling the entire thing to get to the socket, and since the socket is soldered by a robot run by a ten-year-old girl in a sweat-shop in Malaysia, it’s pretty difficult to solder, because I don’t have a robot, and I am not a ten-year-old Malaysian girl.

So the guy doesn’t make an appointment, and I’m getting all anxious because it’s going to be another day without calls. I wrote, I cleaned mulberries out of the pool, I read a book, I went to Starbucks and wrote, I came home, I read. I wrote. I read, I wrote.

Then at seven the guy’s daughter calls, I go over there and fix the computer. Luckily I had another power cord, and after checking polarity, amperage and voltage requirements, limits, parameters, phase-induced parabola flux fields, I sold her the chord and charged for a house call. Because I am the Lord of Basic Electronic Technology. Fixing a college girl’s $300.00 used laptop in an air-conditioned apartment is easier than fixing a $42,000,000 helicopter in a sun-baked flight-line with an angry chief yelling at you over the radio to “hurry the f*ck up.” The customer also took my card and told me that she knows
a bunch of other college girls who need their computers fixed “all the time.”

So, that is my post for Tuesday. Let all the people of Earth read what I have written and be glad. Let a calm, soothing peace spread throughout the lands, and let tolerance and understanding rule the world. And let my friggin’ cell phone ring this morning so I can make some scratch.

When trying to think of something to write about, one thing pops into my mind first: the Iraq War. I’ve already gone through a few stages of grief.

DENIAL
I thought for sure that we were doing the right thing. We had to be doing the right thing. They’d find the WMDs, right? I mean, the USA doesn’t go to war by accident. And there was no way the President of the United States would just flat-out lie to us. Right? We just don’t do that. Didn’t Colin Powell sit there in front of the UN and show that little vial of cocaine or whatever it was? I mean, no matter what clowns were running the Whitehouse, Powell could still be trusted, right? They had yellow cake! The worst possible cake you can have is yellow. Right? We didn’t make a mistake. It was going to turn out okay. It was going to turn around. We were turning a corner . . .

ANGER
How could we let this stupid, arrogant, failure of a billionaire’s son do this? How could we put him in office twice? Why weren’t we storming the capital demanding impeachment hearings? Where is the outrage? We’re not talking about an oval office blow-job here. People were dying over this cluster-f*ck. We weren’t sold on this thing by being told we were going to “liberate” anybody. We were told there was going to be a “mushroom cloud” if we didn’t invade. What do you mean there was no WMDs? Who piled those naked dudes up? Waterboarding? We don’t waterboard people. That’s banana republic type stuff. What the in the HELL is going on here? I want somebody to go to jail over this . . .

BARGAINING
Okay, If we can just get out of there without too many casualties, it will be okay. If we can just leave Iraq somehow able to cope on its own, I’m okay with that. If we could just get out of Iraq, maybe we could get a real coalition going, one that can actually do something and let our soldiers get home. Please Iraq, don’t spiral down into a shit-hole of civil war and Islamic fundamentalist theocracy. Please don’t get more screwed up than you were when we got there . . .

DEPRESSION
What’s the difference? People are getting killed all over the world, what’s one more country? Our country is broke over this, everybody hates us, the President is an idiot, we’re losing all of our jobs, and King George’s War is just another piece of a puzzle that doesn’t go together. Who cares?

ACCEPTANCE
War is inevitable. We went to war, but now that we’ve dug ourselves into a big hole, if we work hard enough, we could break even. I mean, the best we can do is get out of there with . . . wait, I’m thinking . . . the best we can do is to get out. I mean, how hard will that be? Tens of thousands of civilians killed, a few thousand of our troops killed, all in the name of . . . of . . . an unrelated civil war that has nothing to do with terrorism. Oh well, shit happens.

So. Not the best rant I’ve thrown down, but I got shit to do. No time to re-write this sucker. Go read something uplifting to counter-act the bitter, sullen bad attitude I have this morning.

longawkwardpose.com Instead of taking a picture, she videotapes them posing for the picture. Funny.

Greetings and salutations from me, Dan Manning. I'm on my front porch, broadcasting this via the miracle of wireless router communications. A lawnmower drones in the distance. Robins and sparrows frolic on my recently watered lawn. A Corona Extra sweats seductively by my side. The kids have friends over in the house, entertaining themselves in wholesome and non-annoying ways. Deb is visiting with her friend. The sun is shining. I am basking in the afterglow of a well-made cigar mightily smoked. My feet are bare, my head is clear, with the slightest hint of a beer buzz painting a golden halo around all things.

I have written fabulous fictions that will astound and delight millions of readers.

I have listened to my iPod and enjoyed numerous Podcasts that, in hearing them, make me feel hip and connected.

Yesterday I golfed in the 3rd annual Firehouse Open. Much Bloody Mary Mix was consumed, along with a mysterious active ingredient that made me sociable and happy. I hit the golf ball in a confident and able manner, sending it aloft in straight, true trajectories which landed them for the most part on neatly manicured fairways. Later I enjoyed the company of friends and acquaintances while eating spiced hot-wings and viewing multiple sporting events on large screens. Attractive young women bearing trays of beer catered to my every need.

Yes, this is a good weekend. May you enjoy yours as well

Peace in the Middle East!

I'm at the library! But I'm posting this anyways.

I gave up trying to read Atlas Shrugged by next Tuesday, so I bought a copy and took it back. Then I thought, "wouldn't it be super keen to see my web-page from the library?"

Then I thought, what a super-cool frood I'd be if I posted to my blog from a public place, typing shamelessly in full view of my adoring public?

So I sat down at this terminal (K140 if you'd like to make a pilgrimage) and opened the Firefox browser.

I had to put in my library number, which I will not be publishing here. I punched it in a couple times, I have a library card keychain-thingy. I punched it in and it came up wrong, I double-checked the number. It matched the number on the screen, but then I realized I was punching in my BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO card number. I hope some shifty librarian hasn't key-logged my blockbuster number. I'd hate to pay fines for movies like "Out of Africa" or "Sophie's Choice." Friggin' librarians.

I had 4 stops today: A keyboard/spyware job at an used automobile place; a chkdisk/print server job at an accounting office downtown; a fan replacement at some place I have no idea what they do, but I had to call Diebold and another company, and I replaced the fans in a cool server; and finally, document revisions/data backup at an accounting place.

The wife's at work and the kids are at bible camp, so I might stop by for a pint (1) before making back to the homestead.

Let all people of earth read what I have written.

Peace!

As the freakish Jr. High Popularity Contest we Americans call “Election Time” draws nigh, it’s time for me to sit in my air-conditioned office on my fat ass and weigh in on the Iraq war.

The Republicans want to stay and fight. Fine. Rich congressmen and their spawn don’t have to worry about it, because they are too old and their children are to wealthy to fight a war. They are too busy with school and careers and things like that to fight for “freedom.” Let the less fortunate get their arms and legs blown off in the name of Freedom. (The freedom for rich folk to fill up their Hummers! Hoo-ya!)

Of course, I generalize here.

The Democrats want to say they are against the war, but they also have to worry about their careers. While they want the war to end, they can’t say the “T” word (timetable) because they will be painted as cowards. Since they need to save their seats more than stand by a principle, they too have to say we need to stay, otherwise Iraq will fall into the wrong hands. They are too scared to just come out and say, “Let’s get the f*ck out of there now!

Damned if We Do, Damned if We Don’t.

Again, I generalize here, because I’m typing this off the top of my head, with no real research or facts to back up what I type. Stop reading now! It gets worse!

Here’s the problem with “winning” in Iraq: The only success we can have in Iraq is digging ourselves out of a hole we dug ourselves into.

So we can only hope to break even, which is looking less and less likely.

Of course the contractors in Iraq are winning CA$H, but rich people and their cronies tend to do that. Good for them. War profiteering isn’t that much of a crime, is it?

Saddam would have had to work overtime torturing and killing people to keep up with the lawlessness we’ve spawned over there. We’ve brought torture and beheadings and bombings to a fever pitch. We’ve created a lawless hellhole that is FREEDOM! Taste the Freedom and Democracy.

I feel bad for the soldiers. They joined the Department of DEFENSE. Defense means defense. Not offence. So. I feel bad because they aren’t being allowed to do their jobs.

The Military has only two functions:

1. Kill people.
2. Blow shit up.

That’s it. We have the best military in the world, but you can’t expect them to play referee in a Civil War we set off.

At least the VFW can continue to make money selling beer to bitter guys in wheelchairs for decades to come! That will help our economy a little, won’t it?

I mean if we really “liberated” Iraq, set them free: Get the hell out of there and let them kill each other. Who cares? They are FREEEeeeeee! Weee! Isn’t Freedom great? Turn em loose and watch em go!

When we invade a country, let’s come right out and say it: “We’re invading Iraq for its oil and strategic military bases in the region.” Go in guns blazing, hole up in walled fortresses, and let the natives fend for themselves. Kill anything that moves. That’s how you invade a country.

Don’t have the stomach for it? Then don’t invade. Go big or go home . . . Pussies.

There, that is my misinformed, reactionary, belligerent screed about Iraq. Enjoy.

Today I did a “free estimate” for a laptop screen repair. I got the part number anyway. I’ll probably quote too high cause I don’t want to do it. The price will be naturally high because laptop screens are really expensive. I wish I had a laptop screen factory. But I’d have to move to China or India to afford the workers, so I guess I’m glad I don’t have a laptop screen factory.

I put some stamps on some postcards. I went to a print-shop where I might be their new computer guy. I ate some glumkies. I cleaned out my car. I went golfing. I shot a 47. That’s pretty good for me. I like golf. Went with Deb to pick up the girls from bible camp. On the way back, a guy was pealing his tires at every stoplight. He was driving a Mustang. What a jackass.

I’m like, really really tired, because I don’t get enough exercise, so every round of golf on Tuesday is like I ran a marathon or something.

I had three cruncy tacos at Taco Bell. I visited Mark at the Firehouse. I read some more of my book. I actually made a spreadsheet with a chart to figure out how many pages a day I would have to read to finish it before it’s due back at the library. Looks like I’m going to have to buy the book, cause I can’t read that fast. And I’ve already renewed it once already, and I think they only let you renew once. I’m a library geek. Live with it.

There was only one place to put our pool, and unfortunately, it’s under a mulberry tree. The friggin’ mulberry tree is pooping out mulberries at an alarming rate this year. I blame Al Gore and global warming.

"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with our right.

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "Mt".

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Shamelessly stolen from this dude's blog

Today is Deb’s Birthday. I got her a LIFE magazine from the week she was born. I bought her some champagne. Some neighbors came over and we had a nice little get-together.

Today I backed up dental information at a dental office, told someone they needed to get a new computer, enabled Adobe PDF printing, and programmed a remote control. I browsed for used books, dropped off a computer, ate some pasta, and printed some postcards.

Yesterday we (the family) took a long walk. I saw a kid with a remote control SUV, and the batteries died. Ha ha.

Today I was served an omelet in bed that was too large to eat. I'll have the rest for lunch. The girls brought me breakfast in bed, the newspaper, gifts and cards. I couldn't finish the omelet, so I'll have it for lunch.

The girls are at church. They joined a church this week, God bless em. I feel that Sunday is a day of rest, so I'm not going. And church is friggin' BORING.

I'm reading my book and typing once in awhile, and otherwise taking it easy. I'm reading Atlas Shrugged. I'm at the part where they're about to run the train over the bridge made with the controversial "Rearden Metal."

I’m also reading PrairyErth by William Least Heat~Moon. It’s about Kansas. So far. Pretty good, I’ll let you know.

Savannah made a box-duck-cardboard outfit out of two boxes. The whole family took a long walk. It rained.

We only want what we cannot have. My example is ‘Star Trek’. For years I’ve wanted to see the original episodes from the 60s. I haven’t seen them in decades, because either they weren’t on television, or the DVDs were too damn expensive.

But now, the waiting is over. After so many long years, I’ve got the original series on television, thanks to G4TV.

Problem is, the original series now sucks. Even seeing The Shatner in all of his overacting glory, it’s not the same as seeing someone parody Shatner in his overacting glory. Even seeing Shatner in his present incarnation, fat and jolly, overacting is more entertaining than seeing The Shatner in his Kirk incarnation, actually overacting.

Enough about The Shatner.

Today was hot, as far as Michigan goes. I’m reading Atlas Shrugged, and Rand’s writing style is fantastic. It’s great writing. I took my book to the Hideout and ordered a beer. I was going to read it at the bar (there’s no one there at noon) but I can’t read with music going, so instead went out to the beer garden, found some shade, and sat outside. It wasn’t too bad in the shade.

When I came home after my two beer ration, there was a red cooler in the street in front of our house, and some sealed bottled water, which had been frozen, but had thawed half-way. I took the cooler into the garage, cause it was a nice one, and kept the sealed water. Must have fallen off someone’s vehicle.

Then I watched USA vs. Italy. It was a good match, ending in a 1-1 tie. Did you know the USA team bus is the only one that doesn't indicate what country it represents? Hm . . . All the other countries have their flags and stuff on them.

If you move to a new house, here’s how to meet the new neighbors: Have a Garage Sale. I know this works, because we have had new neighbors for a few weeks now, but I haven’t gone over to introduce myself. Why not? Because I don’t want to meet people simply because some random Realtor showed a random house to some random people. That’s my excuse, I’m really shy. But enough about me: Here’s why you should have a garage sale when you move to a new house: The neighbors, even unsociable dickheads like myself, will come over and introduce themselves and buy some of your junk.

This morning the new neighbors had a garage sale, and I went over and looked at all their junk and introduced myself. I got 4 words for ya: “Framed Dale Earnhardt
Poster.”

But despite that, I met the new neighbor lady, and she’s nice. Deb and Savannah just went over to look at their sale as well. So let’s be neighborly.

Last night I dreamt: I was walking home. Not sure why I was walking. Blogger headquarters was in Grand Rapids, and on my walk home, I decided to go inside to podcast there. It was a huge brick building, very tall, and the lobby was marble floors and the ceiling went way, way up, like an antrium.

I went inside and heard someone snicker, “Tourist again.” I looked up and recognized someone I had once worked with at Meijer, standing on one of the walkways. I can’t think of his name, (in fact, it was another geek I know, but I don’t know his name either. I don’t think he ever worked at Meijer.)

So I go upstairs and ask him about maybe working there and he starts telling me about “ignoring politics” and “trying to just go everywhere and work with all the teams” and I ran out of there fast.

Then i saw a young woman walking a wiener dog and the dog sniffed my leg, and the woman says: “He’s looking for tobacco.” I said I didn’t have any, or I’d give her a cigarette. Then the woman said it was my lucky day and she gave me some acid. It looked like an Alka-Seltzer. I never got to take it, because I woke up.

I’ve turned off the screed that is the 24 hour news cycle and liberal talk radio. I don’t care anymore. I don’t care what “they” do anymore, and “they” never cared what I’m doing. Screw it. We’re fucked, and I might as well close my eyes and enjoy myself while my government still allows it. So rah rah rah, yea for us.

Last night I sat on the porch, smoked a cheap cigar, and listened to my iPod. Then I noticed how much talk radio crap was on there, and how little there was of any good music. I copied my Beatles library onto my computer, and then onto my iPod. Now my iPod is happy.

I have to get started on my non-fiction book. I have to do some market research. I hope no one else has taken the title.

I also learned something fascinating yesterday: You can return stuff to Goodwill. That’s not the fascinating thing: People actually DO return stuff to Goodwill. What kind of cheap-ass do you have to be to return stuff to a place that supports charity? It’s Charity you numb-f*cks. Dammit. Every day people are making me more cynical than I was the day before.

Giant Foam Cowboy Hat Thursday
Originally uploaded by danmanning2001.

Today I drove twenty miles for a windows xp pro cd, only to be told, oops, it’s a windows 98 cd. damnit. So I stopped to find one, and ended up configuring email configurations for a law office. I made postcards to spread the gospel of my computer fixing miracles, and then I went to the bank. On the way back, I found Gigantic Orange Foam Cowboy hats. I brought them home, and then Savannah and I decided to walk all the way down Plainfield at rush hour wearing those hats. We got 15 honks, 5 “thumbs ups” a “yee-haw” and two “Cute hates” compliments. We made a fine spectacle out of ourselves, and I bet a bunch of people went home and said, “You won’t believe what I saw on the way home . . .”

Then I cut dead wood from the side of the house, and we all went swimming and listened to the oldies station.

I have seen the enemy
Originally uploaded by danmanning2001.

Is “Flag Day” a real holiday? Apparently the Post Office thinks so, because they didn’t deliver the friggin’ mail and I didn’t know why. Slackers. “Flag Day” is a real holiday the same way “Arbor Day” is a real holiday: it isn’t.

I’m out on the patio writing this. It’s a fabuloso day out today.

This morning I picked up a PC to reformat, but the lady didn’t have the XP CD . . . well whatever, she’s wasted a lot of my time. But I need the money so I have to be nice.

I told a Hispanic man he needed to buy a new computer.

I discovered, to my horror, a woman running a PC with only 32M ram. I sold her 128 and hooked up her DSL connection. The world is now a better place. I’m sure I’ll be back to clean up the spyware soon.

I started some market research for a NON FICTION book idea. I went to the library to study up on what was already out there. I have to compose a query letter and such. I will not tell you my multi-million dollar idea, cause I’m afraid there are unscrupulous people out there who might steal my idea and leave me destitute. Of course, I’m not talking about you, Dear Reader, you are my favorite person in the whole wide world. Yes, You!

I saw a Geek Squad mobile in traffic today, and I took a picture of it.

Craig Kilborn is not dead. Deb and I weren't sure. We thought a former host of The Daily Show had killed himself, but I guess we were mistaken.

As someone who fixes PCs for a living, my iMac scares me. It works too smoothly. It’s too easy to operate. It’s too intuitive. Too easy to figure out. If this Mac OS thing takes off, I’m finished.

I set up an iMac for the family yesterday. It was too easy to install and uninstall things. It’s clean. It’s quick. It’s everything Microsoft Windows is not. It’s why I better start writing more often. I won’t be fixing computers much longer if people start using iMacs.

I didn’t get any calls, but I did go golfing. I shot a 48. The best I’ve ever done on the front side is a 44 last year, so I’m pretty happy about that. I’m doing more writing, now that I’ve broken the video game spell. I’m actually reading books and everything. I’m gonna get me some a dat high-falutin' culture gol-darnit!

I replaced a circa 1998 PII Gateway desktop dinosaur with a brand spankin’ new Compaq laptop today. It was just like Christmas. I transferred email, email settings, files, programs and all the trimmings for my customer. I carted away the old PC, which will be melted down and made into a sledgehammer, which will be used to destroy other old computers. It took a long time and I got paid pretty good money for it. It was for a customer I’ve had for years now, so it was no-stress and plenty of fresh coffee.

Last night I deactivated my World of Warcraft account. I was spending every free moment I had on that game. It was consuming every last minute of my idle thoughts. I was addicted. After spending, I don’t know, at least three and a half hours in one game dungeon last night, killing fake monsters and collecting fake treasure, and after going to sleep at 3+ in the morning, I knew I’d had enough.

I was at the point that I didn’t want to do anything except play that stupid game. It’s just a video game, but it’s so addictive. It lets you forget your troubles and start worrying about the troubles of a pretend person. Gather this and kill that and go there and talk to this or that person. Bid for that and trade this and make that and move over there. Travel here and kill this and collect this many of these and watch your “progress.” It’s like “Busy Town for “adults.”

F#ck!

I wasted so many hours on that game. It’s pathetic.

Savannah graduates to Middle School
Originally uploaded by danmanning2001.

Savannah graduates 4th grade. Now it's on to Middle School, and the school bus. (sniff) my little girl is growing up.

Today I went to Savannah’s 4th grade graduation. I’m glad she had her ceremony, but I hate sitting in auditoriums. Unless it is super-entertaining, I’m not into it. I’m selfish, I know. I sat and clapped and all that. Savannah got her certificate, and I was out of there.

I had an odd call where somebody needed some files off of a computer, but the computer’s owner showed up, and there was an awkward moment.

I told another customer they needed a new computer

I hate it when the WIFE asks me to come over and fix a computer, and the type A HUSBAND arrives after I’m finishing up, and he looks at me like he’s going to punch me. I hate that. That happened today. Jesus, that house must be a hell on earth. I got out of there and went straight to the bar.

Tomorrow I’m setting up the new computer the second customer is purchasing tonight.

Brian and I golfed solid games yesterday.

Today I cleaned out AOL giblets from an unemployed man’s computer. He paid me in cash. Unemployed people seem to pay in cash more than employed people. I like cash.

I’m reading Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand. It’s 1168 pages long, but I think I found the gist of it on page 22: “I’m not interested in helping anybody. I want to make money.” Seems reasonable to me. But I think it can be taken a little too far.

On the radio, just out of coincidence, some guy from the Ayn Rand Institute was on XM radio. This was after I was past pg. 22. The guy from the Institute said there should be no social security, no Medicare, nothing. No safety net for the poor. I think in a purely logical way that makes sense. Why should working people support slackers?

But in reality, good people sometimes fall on bad times, and everybody needs a hand now and then. If you follow the logic all the way through, you would have an overclass of selfish people hogging all the resources. You would have an underclass of equally selfish people trying to survive. The underclass would eventually get fed up and take things that belong to the overclass by force. I think this has happened before . . .

Oh well, enough of my joe-six-pack philosophizing.

Yesterday, as you may have gathered, the world continued to not come to an end. Even though I did have a dream that Mia Farrow was pushing me in a baby carriage, and Linda Blair was my girlfriend, I had no satanic or otherwise Apocalyptic encounters. I have noticed two pointy calcium deposits forming on either side of my head, just above my hairline. Oh well, no one will notice it for awhile.

And by then, all of my evil plans will be in place . . .

(DamniT! did I type that out loud?)

It's the Calendar day of the beast, 666! Bu-hahaha. I spent 2 hours in a jewelry store today replacing a tape drive, then doing a tape backup. It was at the big mall.

While the tape backup was backing up, I went to get something to eat. I walked by the Abacrombi and Fitch at 11:40 and they had the tunes cranked up like it was a night-club or something. Damn.

Perhaps I want to be one of those svelt headless male models on the billboards, and I’m just jealous. My stupid fish-white beer-belly makes me ineligible.

Wait, did I just type that out loud?

today is 6.6.6. in Vegas, I guess you can bet if the world ends or not. Wouldn’t it have ended in the year 1006? or the year 6. A.D.? Or even the year 106? I looked it up on the history channels website, and according to them, the world didn’t end on any of those years.

I spent 2 hours at an insurance office not fixing an IE error.

I spent an hour at a coffee shop making a slow laptop go faster.

later I will golf.

CNN.com - U.S. warns Germany on World Cup sex workers - Jun 5, 2006

why do I read the news? Everything I read about the current administration chaps my ass . . .

"The U.S. government opposes prostitution," which is legal in Germany, a State Department report on global human trafficking said. "These activities are inherently harmful and dehumanizing."

You know what's "harmful and dehumanizing"?

War.

War is "harmful" and "dehumanizing." Stripping P.O.W.s and piling them up and taking pictures of them is demoralizing. Shooting women and children in the heads is "harmful" and "demoralizing."

Starting a war on false pretenses is "harmful" and "demoralizing."

Could someone tell these hypocritical gas-bags to shut the f ck up already? It's friggin' embarrassing.

today I replaced NICs (Network Interface Cards) in two machines that were struck by lightning. I also replaced a modem in another one, and a switch. Lightning is powerful and mysterious. My back hurts. I got a call from a post-AOL sufferer. I played WoW. I started reading Atlas Shrugged. Big friggin' book.

I finished reading The Salmon of Doubt. Pretty good.

Congress is going to waste three days debating gay marriage. Thank God, because we all know that seeing two men (or two women) French kiss will cause otherwise straight and devoted couples to divorce and begin to haunt gay bars and gay chat rooms. I know if a gay couple gets married anywhere in the US, I’m going to turn gay. I don't really want to be gay, but at least I'll get a clue about how to redecorate the office.

Actually, all kidding aside (really, I was JUST KIDDING) I think the U.S. has more important issues than worrying about what Bruce and Steve do together. We have Bruce over there killing Akmed, and Kalil killing Steve, and Haji killing Jalal.

And we got Ahmad trying to figure out how to kill us all.

I think Bruce f*&cking Steve is the least of our worries.

And Jill f%$king Jane? Well that's just beautiful.

I guess some Islamic group has taken over the capital of Somalia. Nice. This W.O.T. (War On Terror) is going great.

In better news, some pilot had a heart-attack, did an emergency landing on a highway, and then died. That's concentration.

Here's a sentence I never expected to read . . . anywhere:

"The area, around Baquba, has become one of the most violent in the country. Authorities found eight heads on a road in the area on Saturday that they transported to a hospital in banana boxes. One of the heads belonged to Sheik Abdel Aziz Mashhadani, 39, from the restive town of Tarmiya, his cousin said."

You just don't expect to run across a sentence like that in the New York Times. And did the one head in particular still "belong" to Mr. Mashhadani? I mean, once it comes off, you've "lost" it, haven't you?

Choristers hoist the trophy
Originally uploaded by danmanning2001.

Savannah got her picture in the paper! Congratulations!

yesterday I delivered a PC. I purchased an 8 port switch for a job on Monday. Today, I'm going to a jewelry store to get the tape backup to eject. Why are they still using tape backups? I don't know. Nor do I care. As long as they keep having to call for stuff, I'm okay.

I worked on my website and then had some beers at the Hideout. While there, they were playing "Dazed and Confused" DVD, and it was mildly entertaining. I would have mowed the lawn, but it rained.

This post is boring, and I'm already apologizing for it before I'm done writing it.

thepictureofeverything.com

While browsing through FHM magazine at the Hideout Brewery, I came across a link to this page. The guy doodled a huge doodle with almost everything. Scroll down to the big bottom-left mural, and click it to get a larger view. The guy's got everything from Citizen Kane to the Wizard of Oz and everything in between in this picture. Pretty friggin' cool.

Today one of my customers got whacked by lightning. Lightning is weird. When I was in the Navy, when I lived in our little brick house in VA, our house got struck by lightning while Deb and I and a couple we hung out with were watching a Blockbuster VHS (yes, I said VHS). So I turned momentarily to grab my drink. While I was looking at my drink, a bolt of lightning came through the side window next to our loveseat (where our guests were sitting) and hit the FRONT of our VCR.

I missed the whole thing, but Deb and Rob and Kara were freaked out!

They all described the same thing: the bolt of lightning came through the center of the windowpane, arced through the air, and hit the front of the VCR.

I got a free rental out of the deal, because we couldn't get the tape out to take back.

In other news, I propagated .pdf printing powers, and looked at a switch that was fried by lightning. Plus, another guy in the building had his computer fried, so that’s a bonus for me. Data recovery and computer rebuilding and such.

Go Global Warming! Thunderstorms: Activate!

U.S. Wants Companies to Keep Web Usage Records - New York Times

Yes! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! It smells so wonderful. Tap my phone. Use "signing statements" to ignore the law. monitor my internet activity. If I want free speech, Corral me into a "free speech zone". threaten me and my children with "the form of a mushroom cloud" in order to wage illegal wars. steal elections. execute civilians! Freedom! Usama Bin Laden hates freedom, but our "President" loves freedom. Look how he wipes his ass with the constitution to protect us! Look how he shreds the 4th amendment to keep us safe from the bad people. 12 of the nineteen hijackers were Saudis, but we invaded Iraq instead, because Holy Family Bush are cousins with the Holy family Saud. They hold their hands. They allow the Bin Laden family to fly out of the country on Sept. 12. All Hail King George! All Hail the Emperor! The Executive Branch Rules! Down with Checks and Balances! Disband the Congress! We have a new King! Bush is Lord! Long live the King!

Today I enabled email delivery to all lawyers downtown. I drank some coffee, played a video game, chopped some wood, read a book, watched the news, cleaned the pool, faxed, installed anti-virus software, reformatted a computer, used my new SATA-USB adaptor for data backup initiatives. It was a great day. It's June already. The kids are antsy to get out of school, and the humidity is pooling in different areas of my person.

So. Let all people of earth read these words and know that they are true. Peace!

I am relax-o-boy. For some reason today, I feel relaxed, tanned, and rested. Not sure why. I'm just like, "hey, groovy." or something.

I guess it might have to do with Deb. She got a part-time position instead of resource, so now we're going to get actual healthcare coverage, so I feel like we’re part of the human population again, instead of being Morlocks or something.

The war is depressing the hell out of me. Last night on the news they had a story of a father and mother being shot at a checkpoint. In front of the five kids in the back seat of their car. They had a photo of a little girl, about five or six years old, screaming in horror and crying.

(By the way, who the fuck is taking pictures of somebody else’s grief like that? Its depressing. Shouldn’t we listen to the “president” and just see happy news?)

So this little girl sees her parents massacred by a bunch of guys in wrap-around mirrored sunglasses and desert camouflage. Isn’t “freedom” delicious? It makes it’s own gravy.

I wonder how they told her they were sorry. oops. our mistake. I suppose if we hadn’t invaded your country by accident (or on purpose?) we wouldn’t have shot your parents. But hey, you’re liberated. Doesn’t that make you feel better? Here, have a lollipop.

Hmm, how does that “freedom” taste? Good? Do you love democracy now?

Gosh, my relax-o-boy feeling is suddenly gone. What a fucking downer.