Friday, December 29, 2006

watching the Intenternets

If you've got a free hour, watch the video below. It's the first of three BBC films about politicians and terrorists, and how they use fear to bla bla bla, just watch it. I watched all three, and now I'm all depressed.

The weather isn't depressing at all. It's nice and warm. It's going to be in the forties for the next week. No global warming. Nothing to worry about :)

Otherwise, I got nothing going on. I probably won't get any calls cause it's New Year's Eve Weekend. We got family coming in, so the house is clean.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Christmas Morning

I haven’t written in this for awhile. Let’s see. A week ago Sunday I went to this stoner’s house and his 4 stoner teenage hangabout sons couldn’t hook up a wireless router to a cable modem. Three of them were sitting around all high watching the fourth play World of Warcraft. Monday, I fixed a router/printer/Mac networking situation for a lady who had Rush-Limbaugh blasting in the background. Tuesday I cleaned up a wiring mess at an accounting office. Tax season is coming up! Wednesday last week I went way out to Lowel to fix a high-dollar video card and reformat a Compaq. Thursday I returned the PC. Friday I had a customer who thought she had a virus that made the computer come on by itself. Her computer needed a serious cleanup, but there were no viruses.

Yesterday (Christmas Eve) we drove to Joanne’s and had a nice visit. I got a gallon of beer in one of those mini-kegs, which I look forward to tapping later on.

I got a new electric shaver. It’s charging now. The girls got lost of presents, bla bla bla, another Christmas.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

candy snowmen

had to make 60 of these babies for the girls' classes for treats. An army of snowmen.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Cleartype makes the computer go hella-slow (a followup)

Something I should have anticipated: Cleartype makes the PC go hella-slow. But in Control Panel, there's an icon, and after that there is a checkbox "Turn on ClearType" Uncheck it, and it turns off ClearType no problem.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

cleartype. what took me so long to find you?

Hi fellow laptop users. Let me just say this now: I should have stumbled across this a long time ago. Anywhoo, when I downloaded the IE7 upgrade, I noticed how clear the text was on the new browser. It's something called "cleartype" and I thought, "well golly! why can't I see that clearly on everything?"

Well, I found the cleartype tuner, and I'm here to tell you, it makes the laptop look like a brand new, clearer laptop. check it out. Freakin' awesome.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

boston typewriter orchestra <--they make "music" with old typewriters. Audio samples.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Oliver Sipple, a tragic story.

Here's a sad story for ya: the story of Oliver Sipple, the guy who saved President Ford. No good deed goes unpunished. Check out the chain of events that followed his heroic action that saved President Ford. Poor gay bastard.

Don't ask what random clicking led me to this wikipedia page. It started on Slate.

Friday, December 08, 2006

my next phone!!??

Italk. does this even exist?

Cat Puke!!

So the cat puked right in front of my office door. I can’t stand puke. I have a weak stomach. I’m a puss when it comes to vomit and shit.

So. Deb worked last night, so she was asleep. So I’m already gagging, and I haven’t even looked directly at the puke. I’m looking at it with my periphial vision only, just stepping around it, and I’m thinking, “I have to wake Deb up so she can take care of this.” I don’t want to wake her up, cause she’s asleep, and what kind of a puss can’t pick up some cat puke? So I steel myself, hold my breath, and clean it up.

And then I puked. Just a little.

Oh the things I do for love.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006


Today I changed the blinker in my 2002 Taurus. 38 cents for the bulb, 10 bucks for the socket and socket adaptor. Being able to turn left, priceless.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

I am such a friggin’ slacker. Jesus H. Christ.

Well, first I get hooked on World of Warcraft. I play the crap out of that, get no writing done, and then I cancel the account and burn the CDs. What do I, being the genius that I am? I get a Second Life account and get hooked on that. So today I had to cash out of that and uninstall the software.

It’s like the last thing I want to do is WRITE. Maybe because I’m allergic to WORK. And writing a book is HARD. It takes a lot of TIME. And EFFORT.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

girl fights, motherboards, James Bond, Yes Men, and doohickeys

The 1963 film, “From Russia with Love” is great for the following reason: In the span of 5 minutes, there’s a belly dancer, a gypsy girl-fight, a gun-shootout, a riot, and then an implied menage-a-tois between the two gypsy girls and Bond. All in about five minutes. Thanks Tivo!

I rented another movie, suggested by my friend Barry. “The Yes Men” These guys are trying to shock people by impersonating WTO representatives in front of corporate fat-cats saying this outragous, greedy stuff to point out how outragous and greedy corporations are, and how the WTO is exploiting 3rd world countries. The problem for the Yes Men was that the corporate drones took what they had to say seriously. They did this one bit where they compared offshoring for cheap labor to slavery (like it was a good thing), and the corporate guys ate it up like it was a great idea. All in all, it was a pretty good movie.

Yesterday I got a call from a woman who said her PC wouldn’t start. I tried the power supply, the switch, nothing. Then I figured out she had the switch off at her multi-power-switch doohickey. Oh, it was plugged in, but the friggin’ switch was off. Imagine my chagrin . . .

Today I took a machine home to reformat it. When I put it on the bench, the keyboard wouldn’t work. After that, it stopped posting. The motherboard crapped out right before my eyes. Luckily it was an ancient PC and I just replaced it with one I had on the shelf. They don’t use it for much, and I’ll give them a good deal. Dammit.

Friday, November 24, 2006

chives, tryptophan, Lions, Joey, and the Joys of The Holiday Spirit

The blogger community is all abuzz in anticipation of my next blog post. So here it is:

Chives: Is there anything that doesn’t taste better with chives? I don’t think so. It’s certainly great with sour-cream dip, but there are other things: Oreos and Chives. Chive Beer. Chive flavored edible underwear. Vanilla ice cream topped with delicious, fresh chives. God had his thinking cap on when he invented chives. Oh yes. I am thankful for chives! Say it with me now . . . . “CHIVES!”

Yesterday we ate turkey. I’m a fan of tryptophan, that’s for sure. Wikipedia takes all they mystery and fun out of the Tryptophan myth:
According to popular belief, tryptophan in turkey meat causes drowsiness[9]. Turkey does contain tryptophan, which does have a documented sleep-inducing effect as it is readily converted into serotonin by the body. However, tryptophan is effective only when taken on its own as a free amino acid. Tryptophan in turkey is found as part of a protein, and, in small enough amounts, this mechanism seems unlikely.[10]

A more-likely hypothesis is that the ingestion of large quantities of food, such as at a Thanksgiving feast, means that large quantities of both carbohydrates and branched-chain amino acids are consumed. Like carbohydrates, branched-chain amino acids require insulin to be transduced through the myocyte membranes, which, after a large meal, creates a competition among the amino acids and glucose for insulin, while simultaneously creating tryptophan's reduced competition with other amino acids for the Large Neutral Amino Acid Transporter protein for transduction across the blood-brain barrier. Alcoholic beverage consumption at holiday feasts is likely to compound the effect.
They got the booze part right! Just kidding kids. Drink responsibly! I took it easy on the booze yesterday.

The Lions did their usual screwed up job. Not only did they get beat, but they got beat by Joey Harrington, in his first appearance back in Detroit since moving to the Miami Dolphins. Way to go Lions, can’t even blame him this time. Jesus! What’s it take to bring these Lions around?

Today I am wrapping presents. I’m in the Holiday spirit, probably more than at any time in the last twenty years. I don’t know. I’m actually enjoying getting things ready for Christmas this year.

So. There’s this game called Second Life, which is basically this waste of time chat room in 3d, but it’s kind of cool because you walk around and people make all kinds of things and anyway . . . last night I bought a Led Zeppelin tee-shirt in the game. Today I was looking at books on, and guess what; they “suggested” that I might be interested in Led Zeppelin albums. Coincidence? I think not!

My bestselling novel is going gangbusters. There has never been a more unreadable heap of crap produced in a long time. Hopefully it will be made into a movie.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

dog poop, literature, turkey and porn

I really hate the day before Thanksgiving. It isn’t really a work day, and it isn’t really a holiday. Usually I don’t get any calls, (this is my 4th year working for myself) and the kids are home and the day drags and drags and drags. I got some writing done. I’m still going through World of Warcraft withdrawals. I’m having a hard time filling those hours I wasted on gaming. I have managed to read another book cover to cover. That’s helping. The pages in my upcoming International Best Seller (IBS doesn’t’ just stand for “irritable bowel syndrome”) and I’m seriously thinking about combining two of my false-starts into one really big false-start.

I picked up dog poop. We’re giving that dog too many snacks. There was crap everywhere and it seems like I picked up poop just the other day.

Deb and the girls are preparing the turkey for turkey-day.

I have all four of my book manuscripts on the desk and I realize I’ve typed a pant-load of pages. That and a bunch of short-stories. All of them unmitigated craptastic hoo-haw.

I ate two cans of spaghetti and now I’m really sleepy. I have to pick up a computer at five because the husband downloaded “something he shouldn’t have.” That always makes for a comfortable scene. The husband guilty of downloading porn, and the irate wife hiring me to clean up the hard-drive. uuuuuuhhhhhh.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

evolving mural

I can't believe this isn't on Utube.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

check out this internet music site: Punch in a song title, and they make as "station" with music you'd probably want to hear. It works. Pretty cool.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

laptop hinges . . . repaired!

Slow day. Didn’t have any work until 4PM, when I flew to Rockford to tighten the hinges on a Dell Dimension 1100 laptop screen. Leaping into action, I mounted my trusty Ford Taurus of Technology and raced to a secluded bungalow off of Spring Lake, where I cannibalized an old laptop for hinge screws and restored the machine to near pristine quality.

I sent some NoWaterBall golf balls out unto the world. I visited one company, but could do nothing for the proprietary software. But I met some folks and I’m sure they’ll be calling me for all technological thingies.

I haven’t watched any football this year because the Lions suck ass. But Saturday I’ll be watching Michigan(2) and Ohio State(1) in the big game. Both teams are 11-0. Should be pretty friggin’ exciting.

Watched Thank You for Smoking the other night, and wrote a review on my movie review page.

I want each and every one of you using the Internets to go to and order the greatest novelty golf balls in the world for presents this Holiday season.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


Yesterday I made Level 60 in World of Warcraft. Last night I played for almost an hour, and then realized I’d done what I intended to do, which was to make level 60. So I cancelled my account, uninstalled the software, and BURNED the installation CDs with the trash so I wouldn’t be tempted to re-install it. That game is too addictive for me. It’s kind of sad, a forty-year-old man playing a game that much.

This morning I hooked up DSL connectivity smoothness to a family from India. How odd. I went to the home of an Indian family, and when I called tech support to make sure they had DSL signal, I got an guy in America. Weird.

Monday, November 13, 2006

New Talent on 60 Minutes

New Talent on 60 Minutes funny stuff.



Sunday, November 05, 2006

The Blog post I posted on Sunday

Yesterday I replaced the kitchen sink soap dispenser, replaced the drain thingy, you know where the plug goes? And re-caulked around the sink. I hate plumbing in all of its forms.

Today we raked leaves. We watched some movies; you can read three new reviews on my Movie Reviews Page at the greatest website in the world,

Don't forget to vote Tuesday. Throw the Bums out!

Thursday, November 02, 2006 ~ Procrastinator's Homepage ~ Procrastinator's Homepage I'm such a procratinator, I had to make this page and make it my browswer homepage. Gee hope it works.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


Originally uploaded by sheeshoo.
Holy crap! Look at this fantastic pumpkin!

I'm gonna keep my baby . . .

Later that day . . .

Finally, some checks came in the mail. Plus, when I went to the post office to buy stamps they were playing Madonna’s 1986 megahit “Papa Don’t Preach” on the loudspeakers. While I waited in line I got to contemplate Madonna’s reasons for why she wanted to keep her baby.

RobCorddry @ Sg News

Yes! Rob Corddry (from the daily show, duh) has a blog/column thingy. He writes as funny as he acts.

Ultimate Fighting Championship

Went to two Halloween get-togethers last night. At one place, I saw this amazing thing: Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) fighting. It was friggin’ great, these two dudes came out and kicked the shit out of each other. I had to ask if this was allowed in the US, and apparently, it is. So I’m going over there later this month, cause the guy gets pay-per-view to watch these fights. This one dude was bleeding all over the place, and they let them keep fighting. It was sick.

Otherwise, I’m invoice rich and cash poor. I did a bunch of work for this one place in early October, and I’m waiting for the checks to come in. Meanwhile, we’re flat-ass broke.

So I haven’t been in the mood to blog at ya lately. I’m so sick of going to the mailbox and seeing no checks in there. Self employment is fun, but it has its drawbacks.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Friday, October 27, 2006

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Supreme Beings of Leisure

Hi everybody, it’s me, Dan. Today something amazing happened. I got a call to fix a little old lady’s laptop computer. There was nothing wrong with it really, it just needed a slight attitude adjustment. But the amazing thing was, the computer guy she had before me set the laptop up exactly how I would have. It was amazing. Most computer guys always talk smack about the LAST computer guy, usually because there are a million ways to skin almost every technological cat.* But this guy had the machine set up just like I would.

I told the old lady this. She said the only reason she didn’t call the guy back was because he was a “smart-alec”. So let that be a lesson out there, don’t be a smart ass, especially if you want to keep people’s business. You can know your business, but even if you have the same product, if you’re an asshole, your customer won’t call you back.

Oh, and on the entertainment tip, check out the name of this band: Supreme Beings of Leisure. The name says it all. Cool-froody chill-out music. I got their self-titled CD, and it is coooool.

*yes, I know that analogy sucked

Monday, October 16, 2006

expound on all things ME

Haven’t updated in awhile. I’ve been working too much. But that’s a good thing. I’ve been busy at this tool and die place cleaning up after the last computer guy who had everything jacked up and then ran out on them. I got everything pretty much cleaned up.

Otherwise, I got nuthin. I’ve been watching the Tigers. They’re going to the World Series.

I did witness the most annoying people on the planet at Meijer today. They barked everything they said at the top of their lungs. Four husky girls in their twenties(?) with a toddler. Jesus, I wanted to run out of there screaming.

Well, I wish I had more time to expound on all things ME, but I have to do some stuff.

Peace out.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

the game my cell phone company plays

Here is the game my cell phone company plays:

I upgraded my cell phone, hoping to find happiness. My new phone works great, it is shiny and new, but I am no more happy than I was before. But that’s not why I’m writing you, the Internet User, today.

There is a $50.00 rebate, so the whole upgrade costs me a whopping 20 bucks. Nice. But here is the game they play:

On the rebate receipt, they warn:
“Merchandise is not eligible to be returned if the Manufacturer UPC code is removed from the box.”
Okay. Fair enough.

But on the $50.00 Mail-In Rebate Offer sheet thingy, it says:
“Please note, if you remove the bar code label from the equipment box, the product cannot be returned. Do not remove the bar code label to submit for rebate until after the return period is over.”
And of course, they want you to cut the UPC bar code off and send it in to get the rebate.

So. Two warnings. How long is the “return period”?

15 days.

What are they trying to accomplish with this? In two weeks, how many people are going to forget to send in their rebate form, or lose the paperwork? Tricky. Oh my Corporate Masters! You are more powerful than me!

Otherwise, I've had two days of zenlike non-drama cool-froodiness.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

I am a dumbass

I fixed a hp plotter. The plotter needs a DHCP server. I rerouted some wiring on the shop floor that went to the CNC machine.

Then the plotter stopped working. After a short puzzlement, I found that the wire to the plotter had come loose when I was moving the unrelated wiring on the same switch.

I wrote a batch file to run a backup. I hooked up the external hard-drive I had just purchased.

The power cord to the external hard drive that I just purchased kept falling out. I had bought a faulty part.

I took it back to the technology store that will remain nameless (Circuit City)

I showed them the power cord falling out of the external hard drive.

They wouldn’t let me return it, because I didn’t have the 1 cent install CD that came with it, even though I never used it.

I left in a huff.

I drove halfway across town when I realized I forgot the receipt at the return counter.

I drove back.

I went in in a huff. I lost my cool. I demanded to see the manager. He agreed that it was a “dumb” policy blab la RMA returns etc etc.

I left in a huff. I came home in a huff. I almost bought beer, but instead I went jogging.

And now I typed this, and now I realize that I was wrong. I didn’t have to do anything “in a huff.” and I am a dumbass. Today anyway. Maybe tomorrow I’ll wise up.

Monday, October 09, 2006

I am a geek!

Hey everybody! Today I made backup batch files, reconfigured static IP addresses (weird) and puzzled over the HP plotters inability to talk to a network. All of this with a looming motherboard change and industrial area cabling issues. Stay tuned! I am a geek!

I saw many traffic accidents, traffic, road construction and other hoo-haw. My back is feeling slightly better.

That’s it. I have no time for you now.


Sunday, October 08, 2006

climb the rock wall

Today Savannah and I enjoyed “Star Trek II, The Wrath of Khan” At least, I enjoyed it. Savannah thought it was “too dramatic”. I cried when Spock was in that clear plastic chamber where he got radiation poisoning. When he put his hand up and made the “live long and prosper” sign, and Kirk put his hand on the other side of the glass, it broke my heart. Poor Spock.

We went to the mall, and Alex got a new winter coat. I made the embarrassing mistake of trying to climb the rock wall at the sports equipment place. I think I got ten feet before I fell. I should have tried the easier side. Now my back hurts, and I am sad. Boo Hoo.

We went to Henry Johnson Park on the way back. It was a beautiful day. I was able to redeem myself by climbing the little five-foot rock wall on the little play set there.

Now my back is killing me.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

the last post i've done so far.

today I spent quality time with a juniper router. I made static ip addresses talk to ftp servers and i made virtual routes.

I told a man his computer was totalled because of lightning. I wrote his insurance company a little note to the same effect.

It's finally cooled off the way it is supposed to, and now there is a havest moon shining in the sky.

Nighty-night internet!

No time to blog.

Yesterday: Photo Kiosk, Coopersville.
Today: Router that is not broken must be fixed anyway.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

enough with the October Thunderstorms

Okay, okay already, enough with the October Thunderstorms. I've had to unplug everything in the house about ten times already. I get enough calls for fried equipment to know better than to leave everything plugged in.

Remember kids, unplug your stuff during global-warming induced winter thunderstorms!

Monday, October 02, 2006

Monday Hoo-Haw

Today: Juno reinstallation; external HD installation, CAD file corrupt; DSL/Router Hoo-Haw; reformat.

Heavy lightning, unseasonably(?) warm. Wind gusts and rain.

At the library, they have this self-checkout system. You just scan your library card and put each book on this pad, and it can identify each book. Then it prints you a receipt. Finally, a library visit with no human interaction whatsoever. Oh Progress, I love how you allow us all to live in our insular, safe little worlds.

I wonder if the machine that allows me to check out my own library books forwards the information to the Department of Justice. I hope so. Free thought and privacy are dangerous. I must obey the collective for the greater good.

Friday, September 29, 2006


Oh cruel fate, how come you gotta be so cruel? I got an email a few minutes ago from the editor of RELEVANT magazine, letting me know that my kick-ass story about eccentric celebs is posted in his online magazine.

I get there and I’m like “hey, my article is right there, in a real online magazine.” I get ready to post the announcement to my loyal web-page readers, when my Internet connection goes down.


Of course, I suppose you’ve figured out that the connection is back up; otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this fresh post.

But right now, at eleven at night, my connection is still down. I’ll probably get more writing done tonight then ever before. The Internet is such a distraction. The cable modem is downstairs, and every five minutes, whether I want to or not, I go down there and see if the little green “online” light is still blinking.

I even walked next door to the neighbor’s. They said the Internet was up, which is even more frustrating, because now it’s just ME and not something going on at the other end of the line at Comcast. Dammit!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

No time to blog

No time to blog . . . must . . . write . . . international best-selling novel . . . no time . . .

Monday, September 25, 2006

Monday's Blog Post-O-Complaints!

Today I installed 3 printers, 5 UPS, and a touch-screen. Thanks Don for the business. I organized the cabling in my techno-mobile. I mowed the lawn. Savannah’s school photos came in and she looks marvelous.

Writing a book is hard. There are so many words, and they have to be in the right order. There are characters, and they have to do and say interesting things. Things have to happen in a plausible way, but it can’t be just like real life, because real life is dull. It has to be entertaining and witty but not too witty.

Maybe I should just plagiarize something. But even that involves a lot of typing, and my fingers will get tired.

I might have to do research in order to make the book interesting enough for someone else to actually want to read it. All my science fiction is starting to sound like re-hashed Star Trek episodes.

My left elbow is all scraped up from me leaning on it, staring into my screen, trying to, by sheer force of will, to make shit happen in my story.

I don’t know my own mother’s address to send the school photos of Savannah to her. She moved.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

defragmentation achieved.

Let all peoples of Earth know that my laptop files are now contiguous. Long live laptop.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

why does this video exist??

It's official: this video is the weirdest thing I've seen on the Internets in a long time. Prepare to be amused and terrified.

Fun fact about the Internets!

If you Google the term "breathtaking breasts", my laptop story page comes up first.

Remember, the more you know, the more you grow.

Have a great weekend Internet junkies!

Friday, September 22, 2006


The following is an excerpt from a speech Gen. Smedley Butler delivered in 1933(…) It is one of over 1,200 speeches he delivered in over 700 US cities. In the first half of the 20th century, Gen. Butler was as well known as Colin Powell is today. He served 33 years in the US Marines and is one of only 19 people ever to receive TWO Congressional Medals of Honor - the highest decoration the US Military awards.

"War is just a racket. A racket is best described, I believe, as something that is not what it seems to the majority of people. Only a small inside group knows what it is about. It is conducted for the benefit of the very few at the expense of the masses.

I believe in adequate defense at the coastline and nothing else. If a nation comes over here to fight, then we'll fight. The trouble with America is that when the dollar only earns 6 percent over here, then it gets restless and goes overseas to get 100 percent. Then the flag follows the dollar and the soldiers follow the flag.

I wouldn't go to war again as I have done to protect some lousy investment of the bankers. There are only two things we should fight for. One is the defense of our homes and the other is the Bill of Rights. War for any other reason is simply a racket.

There isn't a trick in the racketeering bag that the military gang is blind to. It has its "finger men" to point out enemies, its "muscle men" to destroy enemies, its "brain men" to plan war preparations, and a "Big Boss" Super-Nationalistic-Capitalism.

It may seem odd for me, a military man to adopt such a comparison. Truthfulness compels me to. I spent thirty- three years and four months in active military service as a member of this country's most agile military force, the Marine Corps. I served in all commissioned ranks from Second Lieutenant to Major-General. And during that period, I spent most of my time being a high class muscle- man for Big Business, for Wall Street and for the Bankers. In short, I was a racketeer, a gangster for capitalism.

I suspected I was just part of a racket at the time. Now I am sure of it. Like all the members of the military profession, I never had a thought of my own until I left the service. My mental faculties remained in suspended animation while I obeyed the orders of higher-ups. This is typical with everyone in the military service.

I helped make Mexico, especially Tampico, safe for American oil interests in 1914. I helped make Haiti and Cuba a decent place for the National City Bank boys to collect revenues in. I helped in the raping of half a dozen Central American republics for the benefits of Wall Street. The record of racketeering is long. I helped purify Nicaragua for the international banking house of Brown Brothers in 1909-1912. I brought light to the Dominican Republic for American sugar interests in 1916. In China I helped to see to it that Standard Oil went its way unmolested.

During those years, I had, as the boys in the back room would say, a swell racket. Looking back on it, I feel that I could have given Al Capone a few hints. The best he could do was to operate his racket in three districts. I operated on three continents."

Thursday, September 21, 2006

I got another story published.

I just got my copy of Tales of the Talisman 2.2 in the mail today. My short story "Fuel" is on pg. 28, and I reread it after a long time, and the ending is great! Plus, there's a kick-ass illustration that goes with it by Liz Clarke. AND . . . there's a bio of me on page 81. I want each and every one of you to click the cover right now and order your copy today.

the letter i wrote to the Governor and Congressman Vernon J. Ehlers

Dear ____________________,

I want you to do everything you can to return paper ballots to all Michigan polling places. I don’t trust the voting machines. There is no physical way to verify votes; computerized voting machines could be tampered with or malfunction.

I am a computer technician, yet with something as important as voting, I want something more concrete than a touch screen when I enter the voting booth. Even if the only result would be more faith in our voting system, it would be worth it.

I know it is close to the elections and I’m sure all kinds of money went into installing these electronic voting machines, but I feel they are going to ruin voting rights in Michigan, and in America.


Dan Manning

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

happy monkey

Well, yesterday I turned 40. Thanks to the thousands of folks who sent me five dollars. That’s going to go a long way toward paying some bills.

Today I got a five dollar per hour raise! That makes me a happy monkey.

It feels like fall finally. I thought I’d go out and enjoy the great outdoors, so I picked up dog poop in the back yard. The air was fresh and crisp, except when dog poop smell wafted off the shovel into my large, manly nostrils.

Speaking of nostrils, I’ve noticed some gray hair, but it’s all in my nose hair. Isn’t that weird?

Well, thanks for stopping by the ol’ homepage. Ya’ll come back and visit again!

Monday, September 18, 2006

One of many reasons i hate local FM radio

So I get brave and turn on the local oldies station, thinking, “Oldies, how bad could they screw this up?” It started out okay, Janis Joplin’s 1971 hit “Me and Bobby McGee” from her album “Pearl.” Okay. That’s a pretty good song, it’s up there on my hypothetical list of really cool songs. So I’m thinking, “Maybe I can listen to local FM radio.” How do they screw up “oldies?” Simple. The next song was the 1982 suckfest that is “Ebony and Ivory.” After that, a barrage of the most banal, obnoxious commercials I’ve heard in a long time. I have two words for local FM radio commercial producers: “Stop yelling.”

And that’s why I don’t listen to local FM radio.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Out of sorts.

I’ve been tired and grumpy all day. I tried to watch the Lions, but it is painful to watch the same crappy team year after year, so we watched SpongeBob instead. Just looked it up, the Lions lost to the Bears 34-7. God they suck ass.

Deb was sleeping because she worked last night, and I was going crazy bored sitting around the house, so I took the girls to K-Mart so they could look at Halloween costumes. I sat in the lawn furniture section while they tried on masks and came over to “scare” me.

Later in the afternoon I learned how to juggle two softballs and a garden spade. I did pretty good.

I put the finishing touches on the new laptop installation. This thing is running so much better. I only loaded what I need, and I can’t believe the difference.

I did something I almost never do: I took a nap.

And now it’s nine PM, and I’m going to bed.

I also made my "writing brag sheet" page listing all the stuff I've had published. Hooray for me.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

How I spent Saturday

I spent today replacing my 40g hard drive with a 100g hard drive. I only put on the programs I need, and it’s going wicked fast now. I could have reformatted the old one, but having the old files on a backup HD makes me feel a little less nervous.

It went as smooth as expected, since I do this about five times a week anyway.

I had one appointment this morning, fixing wireless and removing Norton AV that was killing HP wireless printing service, when to bloated software programs fight, the only loser is the user.

I took Savannah to Circuit City and I bought what I have wanted for years: The first Star Wars movie on DVD. Now my life is complete.

Well, working on this laptop has eaten the entire day, so I have nothing more to write about.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Broken Sh*t III The Return of Broken Sh*t.

And the hits keep on coming: Now my friggin’ garage door opener spring snapped. First the plumbing, then the stove, now the garage door opener. If any of you out there have put some sort of hex on me, please lift it, because my shit keeps breaking. I’m really sick of spending time and money on friggin’ repairs. I hate work.

And there's another sequel in the works: my hard drive is getting ready to crash, every other time I reboot i get "Operating System Not Found" dammit. That's more money on replacement parts.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

my kid got fingerprinted today

My oldest daughter came in to borrow the stapler. For an "experiment" for school. She had ten pieces of tape, one labeled for each finger, on a piece of paper, one group of five for the left hand, one group of five for the right. She had printed the name of each finger neatly above each piece of tape.

Under the tape: her fingerprints.

I can understand they want the kids' fingerprints on file. I've given up any illusion of privacy or rights in this country a long time ago, and this is just one more minor chink in the illusion that you and I, as average taxpayer/consumer units, have any rights at all.

But come on already: if you want to fingerprint all the kids in school, just come right out and say what you're doing. Don't pretend it's some "experiment" for science class with some lame-ass fake school assignment. I mean Jesus Christ, just because we're wage-slave/serfs doesn't mean we're that stupid.

Monday, September 11, 2006

get in the kitchen and bake me a pie.

Let all people of Earth know that on this day I fixed the oven. I replaced the igniter. My wife made fun of the butt-crack that showed from under my shirt, and she said it proved that I was a handy-man. I told her to get in the kitchen and bake me a pie, but she didn't.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

the world seems a safer, happier place

Today I figured out what is wrong with the oven. I’m sick of stuff breaking. The plumbing, that’s two sinks, two showers, the fridge, one toilet and the washer. And now the oven.

But I used the Oracle of Google to discover the inner workings of the gas oven, and it turns out we have a glow-igniter, an igniter that glows red hot and then if it gets hot enough, it opens the gas valve. It has a little gap that burned through, and I took it out and walked to Lowes, but they didn’t have it, so I walked to the hardware store, and they didn’t have it, and I walked the APEX appliance parts store that Lowes and the hardware store told me about, but they were closed.

But knowing is half the battle, and during the walk I podcasted about everything I saw on Plainfield, and I stopped at Long John Silver’s and had the sampler platter.

Otherwise, I wrote, played video games and watched television. I’m still on my news blackout, and the world seems a safer, and happier place because of it.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

big dirt patch in yard

big dirt patch in yard
Originally uploaded by danmanning2001.
I’ve been flooded with emails of support following the horrific ordeal concerning the City digging up my yard for no reason. I’d like to send out a special thanks to all of the Taiwanese who sent their best wishes. You all certainly understand the hardship plumbing problems can cause. Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto!

Well, to follow up, today, two days after the violent upheaval that was my front yard, I was sitting here today, minding my own damn bidness, when ANOTHER truck with the evil word “UTILITY” on it pulls up, and a guy gets out with a bunch of red, blue, and yellow little flags in his hand. I went outside, and he wasn’t in the truck. Nope, he was standing next to my house getting ready to mark the underground utility lines – for the hole they had dug two days before. I told him that the hole was already dug and filled in and he went away. I love the Government in all its forms.

Today I set up some mailing software and did a spyware/windowsUpdate/virus check for one of my regular customers. I got some checks in the mail and I fixed my shower, which was clogged due to the sand in our plumbing. blab la bla. whatever.

humungus pixle art

biggest pixle art ever?

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

blogity blog bla bla

Today, I had to play plumber because of the sand in the plumbing, put there by Plainfield Charter Township and their digging for no reason.

I had one call today so far, an external hard drive that wasn't plugged in.

The President made a speech about the prisoners at Git-mo. They are going to be tried. But there are questions about how the evidence was collected.

The girls are back in school. It's nice to have them back in school.

I've been working on a new short story, another science fiction story that I hope will sell. I have a book to write.

great photo of the moon

link to photo

Saturday, September 02, 2006

the wagoneers

This morning I fixed a Mac G5 wireless. I also mapped a keyboard shortcut so it would eject the CD player. Otherwise, I watched Star-Trek, washed the car, read some short-stories, worked on my own short-story.

I took the kids to the school and they rode the wagon down the hill. There’s video of the wagoneers on my website.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

my sad, sad little mean-spirited attitude

The road is closed down the street. Usually people cut through our neighborhood to get from 4 Mile Road to Plainfield Ave. But one end of the road is closed. You don’t know how much sick satisfaction I get when somebody comes tearing down the road and they have to turn around and go back. Ha ha ha F*ckers!

Other than my sad, sad little mean-spirited attitude, today is going great. I picked up a PC from a patio furniture place, and I am copying over all appropriate files in order to wipe this hard drive.

Later I’m going to a law office to show them how to back up files. All things on earth are good right now.

I tried Clamato for the first time today. Even though it sounds like a veneral disease, it isn't; it's tomato juice and it is delicious.

Alas, when things are going smoothly, blogs are boring. So Peace!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006


Oh God it’s 4:41 in the morning and I’m awake. This never happens to me. At least it’s not supposed to. I went to bed way early last night, so maybe that’s it.

Last night was the last night of the golf league and I did terrible. Thank goodness it was a scramble. I couldn’t hit a fairway.

Yesterday I had a motherboard replacement, a power-supply replacement and a wireless configuredoodle. I conquered all. I got a lot of writing done in two coffee shops between appointments. I got a five-dollar laptop that is now wireless and it kicks butt.

I’ve been keeping busy and writing and generally being a good boy.

They haven’t dug up my yard yet, but there are little blue flags in the front so I know its coming. I don’t care about the yard, as long as they don’t charge me. That stupid tree we cut down last year is getting its revenge.

Well, it’s too friggin early in the morning to be typing this crap, I think I might be able to go to sleep now.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Sailor On A Concrete Sea

My friend Barry has a new blog, Sailor On A Concrete Sea. He writes about his travels driving his truck around the country. It's a good read. little excerpt:
"Leaving my first stop, I can't help but laugh at the posted signs: '$1000 Reward for reporting illegal dumping' on the fences and signposts. Everywhere around them are old mattresses, tires, appliances, household junk, etc. piled up to five feet deep. "

You should check it out.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Glad religion is helping that region!

neat-o for a geek-o

Today I loaded something called “DSL” which in this case stands for “Damn Small Linux” onto a 64mb flash drive. I booted off it on my laptop, the entire Operating System runs off a flash disk. It has the basic apps anyone would need for basic computing. The Firefox browser works perfect. Its pretty amazing what they can fit on a flash drive. For older machines, it will boot off a small CD, one of those half-sized ones that hold 200MB. The website says it will boot off one of those credit-card disks, I’m doing that next. It’s only 50MB. pretty neat-o for a geek-o.

Otherwise I’ve been reading Catch 22, which is some kind of cross between Alice in Wonderland and Patton. I can’t explain it really, but the absolute nonsense contained in this book defies categorization or explanation. The people in this book are lunatics.

That’s about it.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

laptops, orange cones, sewer robots.

Today, today, today, what can I possibly write about today? Well, I didn’t get any calls until almost five; a guy poured coffee on his laptop. It’s fixed. I had to take it apart and clean it out. I finished reformatting and reloading another laptop, and only then did it decide to start making “HARD DRIVE . . . FAILING!” noises. Didn’t make a sound while I was doing all the work, so I had to get another HD and replace it and do everything again. Filled the car up with gas, and went to Meijer.

I finished taking the pool down and storing it. I surfed the Internet.

Oh yeah, after I filled up with gas, Deb called and asked me to pick up some fabric softener. I was pulling in and saw this lady’s van stopped right as you turn into the parking lot. She was sitting there in the right-hand southbound lane on Plainfield at 4:30, which is asshole-central. Her pinion arm (or whatever, I know nothing about the underside of minivans) busted, and both of her front tires were pointed toward the middle of her vehicle. The minivan couldn’t even be pushed out of the way. She had a cell-phone, so I went into Meijer and got three orange cones from the auto-tools department and asked the lawn-garden dude if I could take them out there and help prevent a friggin accident. He said yeah, and I put the cones out so people would see ahead of time not to rear-end this lady who wasn’t smart enough to get out of the driver’s seat.

I went and got the fabric softener, walked around some and came out and she was STILL sitting there, trying to get killed by some distracted driver. As I was getting into my car, the cops finally pulled up behind her.

I didn’t bother taking the cones back. Fuck ‘em.

What else happened? Oh yeah, the Kent County guy that runs the robot that films the sewers came by and showed me the video that triggered the form letter that said I was going to have to pay for them to tear up the road. There's one little root, and it's in my lateral drain going into the main sewer, and it's not in the main sewer, anywho, he gave me a copy of the video and said they shouldn't have to tear up the road. Which is good because the Plainfield Township guy said if they did, they might charge me like, $12,000 and that would make me very sad.

So I got a roter-rooter plumber guy coming out to clean it up for a fraction of that. I don't need any more friggin' expenses. Dammit!

Monday, August 21, 2006

Comedy Central: Shows - Roast of William Shatner

Comedy Central: Shows - Roast of William Shatner < if you get a chance to catch the roast of William Shatner on Comedy Central, watch it. It's really funny. The roast of Pam Anderson was funny too. These comedians are great.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

inside-out swimming pool

Originally uploaded by danmanning2001.
I turned the above-ground pool inside-out so I could wash it. two trash recepticals, two more borrowed trash recepticals, the pool ladder and a pole with a bucket over it suspends this pool in an engineering marvel!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Mornig update

It’s raining this morning. I’ve watched all the David Letterman and Peewee’s Playhouse I can watch on the Tivo. Savannah is river-tubing with a friend. Deb is sleeping, she worked overnight last night. I’m working on another story and killing time. I stayed up till one last night, writing and playing video games. Now I’m sleepy.

I have to take the pool down this weekend, or at least I was going to, but now it’s raining.

I got two appointments already lined up for Monday. It’s good to know I’ll be employed the next week. Every week is different.

Yesterday I took the kids (2 of mine and 2 of their friends) to the city pool. The pool closed for the season yesterday.

Last night I joined YouTube so I can put video in here once in awhile. I put a cool Ted Stevens Remix on here, (see below) I didn't make the video, I just found it and put it on here.

Thanks for checking in.

Friday, August 18, 2006

DJ Ted Stevens Techno Remix:

God, this is awesome. Ted Stevens Rocks!

recent web searches that have led people to my web page:

what happens when you mix mentos with diet pepsi?
lavitra side effects
stupid stuff on the internet'
milk triple sec recipes
bucknell rich kids
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jean kowalski
we're really talking about peace
lyrics of song a'nt it funny by jennifer lopez
series of tubes wav
a series of tubes wav
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home canned chile sauce with anahiem peppers
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favorite cigars
navy pics
kick ass chili recipes
brian coco
number of months viagra side effects

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

cool-buddhas don't brag about their day like I'm about to.

Today met and exceeded all expectations. I had two really LONG calls, setting up wireless/printing/faxing/business software hoobajooba at the first stop, and unpacking a brand-spanking new PC, just like a little mini-mid-august-Christmas, without the fake tree and commercialism. I moved all files from the OLD pc to the NEW pc via USB/IDE technological janks.

After that, another entry in the Grand Rapids Parks Project. Took the entire family to Brigg’s park, on the corner of Lafayette and Knapp, where there’s a city pool with a kick-ass waterslide. We slid and slid and I got water in my ears.

Then I took the entire family to Old Country Buffet, where I ate five plates of food.

Was your day as good as mine? Chances are, it wasn’t. Cause I’m a cool-buddha and you may or may not be, depending on your circumstances and outlook. So, lighten up and have some fun. Because someday, you’re gonna be dead.

Peace in the Middle East ya Bastards!

Monday, August 14, 2006

eighteen dollars

eighteen dollars. that’s what the State of Michigan wants in order to renew my driver’s license. I’m old enough now where I can renew by mail. That’s nice. I’m no longer a threat. I have a driving record that goes back 25 years. Really. We got our learner’s permits when we were 14, back in Kansas, where there are no hills or curves, and there is nothing for us to crash into.

The renewal form says to “include the driver’s license number of the person writing the check.” Funny, I thought they had those records in Lansing. They wouldn’t even provide postage.

I wonder which pothole my 18 dollars is going to fill. Maybe the workman could carve my initials in the hot tar with the tip of his shovel in my special filled pothole. The pothole that will be unplugged a few weeks later by the snowplow.

Yesterday I am proud to say I didn’t do anything. A day of rest, pure and simple. Lots of time just reading on the porch. I’ve never had a better time doing absolutely nothing. Saturday we went to Comstock park and walked around, but Sunday, Sunday was a day of rest.

But not today. I drove 139 miles, 5 stops, and more money today than I made all last week. I had data transferred, the awkward moment when I had to tell a couple that they lost ALL their data because their HD crashed. Don’t forget to backup people! I drove all the way out to bumf8ck to fix a modem, and I also went downtown and fixed a monitor. I am the master of all low-tech probabilities.

Homer said this on the Simpsons:


I think that’s fantastic.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

moped convention

Haven’t written much here because I’m working on a short story. We went to Comstock Park, (Deb, the girls and I) and walked around. There was a moped convention there. It was kind of funny.

We had a get-together the other day, just a few people from Deb’s work. It was a good time.

I’ve been getting calls again, thank the little-baby-Jesus, and everything is gonna be okay.

tubes filled error message

tubes filled 404 message, inspired by Ted Stevens, internet exptert

Thursday, August 10, 2006

panic over!

finally, at 3:08 PM, i finally get a call. I went from unemployed to self-employed in less than a minute. Whew!


Originally uploaded by danmanning2001.
This is the third day of NO CALLS. I’m going broke fast, and that makes me a sad panda. I had to throw out my sandals today because they are stinky.

We’re broke but we’re having a get-together for some of Deb’s co-workers. I don’t want to have a party because we’re broke, but I will be my usual charming and witty self (HA!)

I worked on my short story today, sent some postcards, and obsessed about money.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Goggles :: The Google Maps flight sim

Goggles :: The Google Maps flight sim

the primates have lost their ability to think

The Alaskan Pipeline corrosion story is bullshit. I used to work on US Navy Helicopters. Each Helicopter costs about $42,000,000. For those of you unfamiliar with government spending and budgets, $42,000,000 is chump change. Anyways, the squadron that I was attached to, as well as every other squadron, had a “corrosion control” department, that did nothing but, you guessed it, controlled corrosion. Every single day, 24 hours a day, we had an entire department devoted to one thing: controlling corrosion. If you mean to tell me nobody thought to check for corrosion on the fucking ALASKAN PIPELINE, I would have to opine that you are FULL OF SHIT. There is no excuse for letting corrosion put holes in our friggin’ ALASKAN PIPELINE when anyone with a high school education who has been in the military for five minutes could tell you that you need to check the fucking pipeline for fucking corrosion. Jesus Christ on a pogo-stick, Janie, let me off this crazy thing because all of the primates have lost their ability to think.

I’m done being angry. Happy Wednesday assholes.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

"pop" or "soda"?

Here's the breakdown. Do you call it "pop" or "soda"? it's all broken down here on this map: link

let’s talk about ME!

Israel, Hezbollah, Baghdad, OH MY! UN, Israel, Baghdad, Hezbollah, UN, Israel, Hezbollah, Baghdad, Oil Prices, UN, Israel, Hezbollah, UN, Israel, Hezbollah, UN JESUS!

What a friggin’ mess over there. Glad I live here.

So before the world ends, let’s talk about ME! Nothing shakin’. Yesterday I fixed a laptop cover micro-switch, and I fought Microsoft Outlook “Identities” hoo-haw. Took Savannah to the go-cart place, we had two races, and then rode the bumper-boats and golfed the mini-golf.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

your lives revolve around reading about mine

Weekend roundup: Well, lemme see: Friday I picked up a Sony VAIO that had teenager/spyware on it. The Itunes application wouldn’t allow them to download CDs, and after fiddling with it for about an hour, I decided it needed to be wiped.

Then I helped a VERY old woman get into the NY Times website. The pesky and impossibly tedious MacAfee Privacy Manager has a cookies “white list” that has to be manually managed, it’s a serious pain in the ass, but I figured it out.

Deb worked Friday, so I took the girls to Comstock park, where fun ensued. We saw a guy launch a speedboat, we got ice-cream at the ice-cream truck, and a good time was had by all.

Saturday Deb was sleeping, (she works overnights) so I took the girls to OCB(old country buffet) and then we saw the movie “Barnyard,” which, even by “kid’s movie” standards, sucked major ass. Someone should tell the movie execs that cows are female. Besides that annoying fact, it had a horrible story, none of it was even remotely funny, and it sucked. It’s the absolute worse movie I’ve ever seen in recent memory, possible the worse movie ever.

After that I took the girls downtown and we walked around a little, but there was nothing going on downtown. We walked through Rosa Parks Circle, and the place was empty.

After that, we went home.

I mowed the lawn, had a couple of beers, smoked a cigar and worked on my newest kick-ass short story. Let’s just say some supernatural shit goes down.

Yes, BORING, I know, but I realize that some of your lives revolve around reading about mine.

On the 70s station on XM Radio, they play old "Casey Kasem's American Top 40" shows. It's like time travel.

Peace in the Middle East MotHerFuCkers!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

That will make lip and throat cancer seem worth it huh?

I wish there was something exciting to report about today, but there isn’t. No calls. I worked on a new short story, it’s good, but wordy, so it’s going to be pared down before I send it out into the world. I think my SF bestseller is DOA. It's not going anywhere and I’m sick of it. If I’M sick of it, I can’t really expect anyone else to read it can I?

I could tell I was smoking a bad cigar today, which means my ability to discern one cigar from another is improving. Great. That will make lip and throat cancer seem worth it huh? I might be giving them up altogether before I become an addict. That would be a bonehead move.

I did stay out of the bar today, and that’s a god-damn miracle. Yay me!

Well, I’m going to write some more enthralling fiction. I just have to think of an exciting story with real sympathetic characters that develop over the course of the book in a way that will hold the readers attention and make them care about the characters. No problem. I’ll get right on that.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Amazing Stop Motion Video - - Google Video

Amazing Stop Motion Video - very cool.

Dreams suck.

I had the most awful dream last night. I was trying to golf, and someone had swiped my golf clubs. The ones I was using were too short. I couldn’t take a full swing. I was trying to tee off and a bunch of people were crowding me. Some girl was trying to talk to me, and they were waiting to hit, and I looked like a jackass.

Earlier in the dream I was in the Navy, and I hated everyone I worked with. I had to work on some training jackets or some other bullshit. It was horrible.

Dreams suck.

Monday, July 31, 2006

What more could a primate want?

you can totally get HIGH off a cigar—Billy Thorp’s “Children of The Sun” cranked on the Ipod, sittin’ on the front porch, puffin’ on a big stinkin’ turd of a cigar, two beers in the belly, wife and kids off at a kids’ movie, neighbor’s sprinkler somehow in sync with the guitars, newspaper and Weird Tales magazine, temperature a taught 90 degrees . . I am HIGH right now!

Yeah baby.

Bills paid, clients happy, belly full, no bombs going off; just getting and spending. What more could a primate want?

Peace in the Middle East Motherfuckers!

Oh Crap, I gotta call my Dad. His B-day was two days ago.

Photo gallery: Dust art

This guy does more than just write "WASH ME" on the back of dusty cars. He's an artist.

i didn't do anything . . .

Damn, I can’t even remember what I did this weekend. Um . . . Nothing. I got in the pool. I mowed the lawn, but that was last week . . . Let methink . . . I didn’t do anything this weekend. That’s the report. 0 0 0 oh wait, I remember. Saturday morning, there were kids left over from my daughter's sleepover Friday night, so I fled the house.

Sunday I had to drop the kids off at Chunky Cheese's. A massive storm, with low, black clouds boiling in from the West came upon Alpine Avenue, and it was super creepy. It was almost as Creepy as Chunky Cheese. Luckily, I didn't have to stay, as their was another parent throwing the party.

Friday, July 28, 2006

I am the Lyrical Jesse James. . . . not

XM radio “Sweet Caroline” by a young new artist named Neil Diamond. You’ll be hearing more about this new talent . . . no, wait, it’s the 60’s station on XM Radio. Any-woo . . . I’m in my office, my Fortress of Solitude. Reason: Savannah’s 10.5 birthday party/sleepover is in full effect. Eleven 10/11 year old girls are in my house, and I’m hiding out in the office with the door closed, typing words and playing video games and listening to (now) James Brown, “Mother Popcorn!” Listen to me white people: Get yourself some James Brown in your collection and get your groove on. It’s okay, it won’t hurt. I promise. James Brown kicks ass.

Earlier today, we split the kids into two groups for a Scavenger Hunt. I had to escort one group around the neighborhood, Deb escorted the other group. Deb’s group won, but on a misunderstanding on the rules. I thought she said we could only get ONE item per house, Deb’s group got as many of the 18 items they could from each house. Needless to say, they won. After the mistunderstanding, it was declared a tie and both groups jumped in the pool for a victory lap and had a great time.

(Kenny Rodgers, “Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love to Town”)

After that, I fled to the Hideout Brewery.

The Hideout is the greatest bar in the world (within three miles of my house) and they have great beer that travels less than ten yards from the spot it was brewed. I talked with another patron, Jeff, about old cars, car audio, and we watched Texas Hold-em’ on the TV. I smoked a cigar and had a few beers and relaxed after a relatively slow week.

Check out my new Ted Stevens Explains the Internets page. It kicks ass, and shows you that some of our congressmen are really, really f!cked up. Jesus H. Christ, somebody put this old man in a headlock and take him to the old-folks home already.

(Blood, Sweat & Tears: “Spinning Wheel”)

Any-whoo: I got an appointment tomorrow to fix somebody’s Outlook Express. Yah-hoo.

Luckily, I’m writing again, with a vengeance. My prose are all powerful. My rewrites are astronomical. I am the Lyrical Jesse James. . . . not.

The story I’m writing is pretty good. It’s about demons who tailgate in Dodge Ram pickups, and the guy who “exercises” them out of existence. Uh, that’s a terrible description. Got to read it. When I sell it, I’ll tell you what magazine you need to buy.

Peace in the Middle East Motherf*ckers! Got to go, the fake-ass Wolfman Jack show is on.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

How to Reach 100,000 People for Under $1.00

How to Reach 100,000 People for Under $1.00

cats that look like hitler

why does this website exist? Not sure, but it's a website all about cats that look like Hitler. Jeez. Read the "hate mail" page.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

the thumbs of the gloves

Last night, I got bit by a bat. The girls cleaned out the tree-house and brought in a folding chair that had been up there for along time. We guess that a bat was either hanging off of it or living inside the chair, because we found it huddled in the corner of the living room. I put on my work gloves to pick it up, but the thumbs of the gloves are ripped out, and I got bit.

Last night I dreamed I was a wolf running through the woods, and I want red meat really bad. Not sure if that’s related to the bat or not.

Today I dropped a machine off, pronounced it dead due to lightning strike. I cleaned out the storage room. It was full, but now it has four plastic containers in it, nothing else. We threw out a bunch of stuff.

Tonight I golf. It’s hot out.

Monday, July 24, 2006

I dropped the toilet cover

Did I mention that I dropped the toilet cover (over the back part, where you take it off to see why the toilet ain’t filling or whatever)and it fell on the tiles in the downstairs bathroom? It broke off the corner of it. I put a towel over it and swept up the pieces and Deb hasn’t noticed yet. Let’s see if she’s reading my blog or not. Probably not.

Today I set up a new laptop. I was smart enough to bring the older machine back, and sure enough, I hadn’t backed up the “family tree” software data. But I got it back thanks to my trusty usb-ide converter cable. that thing kicks ass.

Then, I was off to drop off Mr. 5-Gig-of-music machine. The guy had so much music, it took over 8 hours to copy it down in order to format his virus-laden HD.

After that I had to help some lady download some crap software from Comcast, or they wouldn’t let her connect to the Internet. We were on hold so long, I finally just downloaded it and got her on the Internet.

Now I’m working on a crap E-machine. They don’t put the fucking drivers on their website, and the restore “image” is giving me fits. I hate everything and everybody right now.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

the popular poop-putting spot

This week as been trade-show booths, golf-outings, work, and other life-related activities.

Today, finally, a day where I did nothing. Well, I did drain the pool and refill it. It is refilling now. I did crank out a couple of pages in my newest bestselling sci-fi thriller. I did make some pork-rib stew, which is stewing right now.

I did surf the Internets.

Otherwise, nothing. I did play catch with Alex. I did (without raising my voice) tell two kids to get off the roof of the school. I said, “Do I have to make a big stink and call the cops, or would you guys get down?” and they got down. I was calm, non-yelling, cool about the whole thing. My yelling at kids days are over as of last year.

I picked up a trash can at the school that was tipped over, put the trash back in, and dumped it in the dumpster so it wouldn’t end up all over again. It was extra stinky, cause you know when you see people walking their dogs and they have those little bags of poop? Well guess where the popular poop-putting spot is? That trash can at the school. Dis-gust-ing!

Needless to say, when I was done, vigorous hand-washing ensued.

Now I’m going to smoke a cigar and read a little.

Friday, July 21, 2006 booth booth
Originally uploaded by danmanning2001.
this is the nowaterball booth. We are cool.

I'm never reading again!

Tonight I “finished” reading Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. Why should I write a review, when a perfectly good one has already been given by Officer Barbrady from South Park: “And then I read this: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I read every last word of this garbage, and because of this piece of shit I'm never reading again!” I think that about sums it up for me. Her writing is fantastic, but it’s melodramatic and overblown. She’s long-winded and too full of herself. I stopped on page 580. I don’t care if they build the motor. I don’t care if the industrialists are allowed to go about their business again. I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care! The only thing I care about is the brain hemorrhage I felt brewing from reading this crap! I’m going to read Stephen King’s Night Shift and get a handle on things again. Damn.

Earlier this evening we set up the Nowaterball trade-show tent at the “amped @ the ampetheater” event, there were some pretty good bands there, I liked radio messiah myself. We didn’t sell much, but we got the booth up and down with no problems, and everything went smooth, so all we need now is an event that has a bunch of golfers, and we’ll all be rich.

Otherwise, not much else went on today. bla bla

Thursday, July 20, 2006

up late and up early

Saw Pirates of the Caribbean II last night. I can say one thing for it, it was LONG. It was action-packed, over the top at times, pretty creepy. I’ll give it an “okay”. Of course, Keira Knightley is smokin’ hot. more reviews

We’re finishing up the Nowaterball trade booth, of course, it looks like the event might get rained out. We’ll have to see what happens.

My laptop is acting buggy, might have to reformat on general principle.

I stayed up too late and got up too early. I’ll type at ya later.

Monday, July 10, 2006

stuff i typed in my car waiting to go golfing.

I just noticed a booger stuck to my finger.

I'm at the golf-course waiting on Brian so we can pre-golf. The reason I have to pre-golf is because I have to pick my sister up from the airport tomorrow. Picking people up from the airport is one of my least favorite things to do.

The reason I'm here early is because my last appointment was on this side of town.

So I'm typing this up on the PPC on this foldable keyboard.

Earlier today I had to clean up a few PCs, hooked up a wireless router and things of that nature. Nothing too exciting.

I guess I could practice my chip shots or something.

This is kind of cool. I put the keyboard on the trunk of the car, and it's the perfect height for typing. I can type standing up, and it is a lot more fun, and easier on my back.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

The Grand Rapids Park Project

Weekend Update: Friday I dropped off email data for a machine that crashed. I had to export to a .csv file bla bla bla, but anyways, there was much exporting and importing of files into outlook, cause the user had a different folder for every possible category of email you could think of. Thus it took more time, thus a larger bill.

After that, I jetted off to some crazy place around 64th street for a PC pickup (hard-drive crash) and the confirmation that yes, we have no cable internet signal. Call Comcast, tell them that yes, they have to come out and check the lines or whatever, because the modem no workie.

Then we drove to Davison to visit with my Brother-in-Law Tony, his wife and kids. Tony, his boy Travis and I went to Grand Blanc Golf Country Club and golfed. Fun times. Travis has a good golf swing.

Then there was “ball tag” in the backyard with Savannah, Alex and their cousins. All that running made me sore because I am old.

When we got back yesterday, Deb had to work. Savannah, Alex and I have started a new project: The Grand Rapids Park Project. The purpose is pretty simple: visit every park in Grand Rapids, hopefully by the end of the summer.

And that’s about it. This morning I’m playing catch-up on some work. I have to go make some coffee now. Goodbye.

Friday, July 07, 2006

They are like my electronic children.

I don't understand why there are still a handful of you who don't download my podcasts. Maybe you don't understand what a podcast is. A podcast is just a sound file. It's an .MP3 file that I made, with my own hands. It is a hand-crafted podcast. It's not an illegal file. It's legal. You can download it even if you don't have an ipod.

Podcasts are like little radio shows. It's just a file. There's no reason to be scared. You don't need a "pod" or an "ipod" or a "mac" or an "imac" or anything special. You can listen to it on a windows PC.

You just go to the podcast page and download it.

How can you resist? It's ME for God's sake. It's ME yapping into a microphone talking about dumb shit. Some people find it hilarious.

These are not just any podcasts. These podcasts are special. They are the finest podcasts that I know of. Quality podcasts. I've sweated and worked over 56 of these beauties. Each one a perfect expression of performance art. I've heard other podcasts, but this one is mine. I made them. They are like my electronic children.

Yet you don't go. I don't understand it at all. My poor podcasts, like #56, my baby, or like number #6, my Star Wars episode. Or the legendary #44, the "upset" episode, which has been downloaded, as of this writing, over 15,354,125,145 times. That's right. Over 15 BILLION times.

Go to my Podcast Page and download all of my podcasts. It is very important that you tell all of your friends about it. It is important that we all listen to them together. The fate of humanity hangs in the balance.

This has been a Public Service Announcement.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

It's 5 minutes past eleven.

Today I reformatted a PC at a home builder’s place. I had it back within hours, cause they didn't have any backups whatsoever. Of course I saved all crucial information. I saved their bacon.

Otherwise, after work I took the girls to a couple of parks to get them away from the television. I got the idea to get a map of the city, and we could put a red X on each city park we visit until we visit each and every park in the city.

There is an ice cream place on West River Drive that must be a hundred years old. Buying ice cream there is like going back in time.

After that we came home and watched a movie I downloaded on my laptop from I hooked the laptop to the television with an s-Video cable for the first time. It worked like a champ. No more going to blockbuster.

Right now I'm sitting on the front porch enjoying a cigar and listening to my Ipod. It's 5 minutes past eleven. There's a great podcast called "The Diner". It's kind of old time radio.

Well, that podcast is over, now I'm hitting the sack. Nighty-night Internet.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

today I just loved all of humanity

Today was a fantastic day. I got a call from the one of my regular customers, a garage. Their new E-Machine wouldn’t start. I drove downtown, stopping at Denny’s for a coffee, under a blue sky, cool temperatures, and new tires. The poor E-Machine must have taken a power-spike (I actually have no idea) because when you hit the power button, the power light came on for just a second, and then went out. I performed magic (that will not be revealed here) and it was working in less than thirty seconds.

But then, as they were writing me a check, a miracle happened: One of the mechanics walked in holding a tiny, cute, white and gray kitten. A stray from somewhere. The gal who runs the place said, “Where’d you get that?” and the mechanic said, it just wandered in. So now they have a shop cat. I suggested they call it “shop cat.”

When I got home I finished up one machine on the bench, and took it to one of my other repeat customers. Somehow their “SYSTEM” folder got wiped out, so it was reformat city. But today I took it back. My customer was a pregnant woman and her husband. She was “glowing.”

For some reason, today I just loved all of humanity, and I have a good attitude. That’s good for me, but bad for you, because people in good moods are BORING!

After that I picked up toner for my printer, along with my favorite pen and some invoices. Later, after Deb goes to work, I might go purchase a couple of my favorite cigars.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

happy 4th ya'all

smoke bombs
Originally uploaded by danmanning2001.
Space shuttle launched today. Mentos in Diet Pepsi experiment was a success. Dropped off one machine, bought some more fireworks, and had some beers. Lit smoke bombs in the driveway. Lots of fireworks in the school behind the house. Another lazy day taking it easy.

Monday, July 03, 2006

kid’s big wheel sitting on the shoulder of I96

Today I drove 120 miles, picked up two machines for emergency lobotomies, drove all the way to Byron Center to retrieve data from a machine that had already given up its hard drive to the great beyond. An old Sony VIAO that should have stopped working around ’02.

Weird thing: I saw some kid’s big wheel sitting on the shoulder of I96. That was creepy enough, you know the kind of Stephen King creepy where you wonder if the kid was on it or got lost in those woods next to the highway or whatever. Then, later on, there were kids’ toys strewn down the shoulder of 131. What the heck is going on here?

So I bought a new pool filter, chlorine, and shock for the pool that is looking a little green. I stopped by the bank, and again, there were people outside the door wondering if it was closed. I pulled on the door and it opened. People just can’t pull hard enough on that door or something, that’s the second time it’s happened.

And finally, I didn’t get anything to eat until 2:30. I drove like a madman to OCB (Old Country Buffet), the family silently praying that we wouldn't be killed on the way. My blood sugar was so low my hands were shaking, and I was HANGRY! (Hungry and ANGRY) I would have bitten the head off a small child if it wasn’t illegal. But luckily I got to the buffet before I saw any infants or toddlers, or I would by writing this with a crayon in a padded cell somewhere, and I’m not sure if I’d be able to post to Blogger from there.

So. I ate food, all is well. After that we bought fireworks. Just sparklers and snakes and punks and smoke bombs and those snapper thingys. We saw big fireworks last night, thanks to the neighbors. Plus the rich people by the lake shoot off fireworks every year a couple blocks from here, like, ooh, look at how rich we are, we can afford these expensive fireworks, woo woo woo look at us . . . oh, did I type that out loud? I might sound a little jealous.

I got two machines on the bench, the pool is clearing up, it’s the holidays, Deb’s picking up some booze. Let all peoples of Earth live in Peace and Harmony, and may the Spirit of Elvis Serve and Protect you.

Turns out it was Jupiter

Last night one of the neighbors set off $400.00 worth of illegal fireworks he bought in PA. Takes the pressure off me to put on a show! Now I can just buy some sparklers and snakes and call it good.

A couple of years ago, I bought a telescope at a garage sale that sat has since sat in the garage for a couple of years. For the last few nights, Savannah has taken an interest in looking at the moon with it, and it’s been fun to do some amateur astronomy. So we had it out last night, and the neighbor with the fireworks says they also have a telescope, and he pointed out a planet they had been looking at, and he said he saw some moons around it. He didn’t know what planet it was.

So Savannah and I look at it with the telescope, and it looked like this: link Turns out it was Jupiter. We had to do a little looking on the Internet later, but it is Jupiter.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I hate the part when my nasty bits touch the cold water

Today I did many things. I set up wireless network goodness for both PCs and Macs, and the PC shared a printer, and the Mac found it lickity-split.

That’s right, I said lickity-split. You have a problem with that?

Anywhoo, I did that and transferred some files and I got to keep the old laptop. I will mount it into a robotic automaton, perhaps a robot, if you will. This robot, which now sits slumped over in the corner of my garage, is made from the finest brushed stainless steel. It is modeled after one of Picasso’s cubist works, Harlequin with Violin. I call my robot Harl, but while he is already a masterpiece, he has no soul. That’s where the Dell Inspiron 7000 comes in. Using a simple blog-sythesis tool I found on the internet, this robot will be imbibed with my personality, gleaned completely from the contents of this blog. Using wireless technology, it will learn from my entries here and develop a more complete personality.

Of course, this will only be toward one goal, the point of self-awareness, when it realizes it is too smart to take orders from me . . . and then the warmed-over Frankenstein/Matrix/Terminator plot happens again.

In reality, I set up a wireless network, moved some data, replaced a modem, found a tower riddled with viruses SO profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here.

I cleaned the pool. I don’t know about you girls, but when I get into a cold pool, I hate the part when my nasty bits touch the cold water.

But enough about my nether regions.

Business is picking up, and there is a strong possibility that I’m going to be able to pay the mortgage. I even bought some supplies today.

We all walked to Baskin Robbins and got some ice-cream.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

I am not a ten-year-old Malaysian girl

Last night I dreamt of my old girlfriend. She moved to Indiana and went on to great things, (I think) and I never heard from her again. I wonder what really happened to her. Anyway, last night I dreamt I had business there in her town for some reason, and she asked me “what are you doing here?” and she was pretty alarmed. I guess that makes me a nocturnal stalker or something. She still looked 16 years old, but I guess people don’t age in dreams. I didn’t get anywhere with her, cause her stupid jock boyfriend was hanging around, the bastard. And her dad. She wouldn’t even come out of the house and talk to me. What a disappointing dream. She still looked sixteen.

Am I creeping you out right now?

Enough about me and my unhinged cerebral cortex.

Yesterday (in the real, slightly less cool world of reality) I got one call in the morning from a gentleman whose daughter’s laptop was having power problems. I told him it might be the cord, and it might be the socket the cord plugged into. He said the socket fix sounded simple, and I explained that the socket is soldered to the motherboard, which is pretty much the entire laptop, and it means disassembling the entire thing to get to the socket, and since the socket is soldered by a robot run by a ten-year-old girl in a sweat-shop in Malaysia, it’s pretty difficult to solder, because I don’t have a robot, and I am not a ten-year-old Malaysian girl.

So the guy doesn’t make an appointment, and I’m getting all anxious because it’s going to be another day without calls. I wrote, I cleaned mulberries out of the pool, I read a book, I went to Starbucks and wrote, I came home, I read. I wrote. I read, I wrote.

Then at seven the guy’s daughter calls, I go over there and fix the computer. Luckily I had another power cord, and after checking polarity, amperage and voltage requirements, limits, parameters, phase-induced parabola flux fields, I sold her the chord and charged for a house call. Because I am the Lord of Basic Electronic Technology. Fixing a college girl’s $300.00 used laptop in an air-conditioned apartment is easier than fixing a $42,000,000 helicopter in a sun-baked flight-line with an angry chief yelling at you over the radio to “hurry the f*ck up.” The customer also took my card and told me that she knows
a bunch of other college girls who need their computers fixed “all the time.”

So, that is my post for Tuesday. Let all the people of Earth read what I have written and be glad. Let a calm, soothing peace spread throughout the lands, and let tolerance and understanding rule the world. And let my friggin’ cell phone ring this morning so I can make some scratch.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Attractive young women bearing trays of beer

Greetings and salutations from me, Dan Manning. I'm on my front porch, broadcasting this via the miracle of wireless router communications. A lawnmower drones in the distance. Robins and sparrows frolic on my recently watered lawn. A Corona Extra sweats seductively by my side. The kids have friends over in the house, entertaining themselves in wholesome and non-annoying ways. Deb is visiting with her friend. The sun is shining. I am basking in the afterglow of a well-made cigar mightily smoked. My feet are bare, my head is clear, with the slightest hint of a beer buzz painting a golden halo around all things.

I have written fabulous fictions that will astound and delight millions of readers.

I have listened to my iPod and enjoyed numerous Podcasts that, in hearing them, make me feel hip and connected.

Yesterday I golfed in the 3rd annual Firehouse Open. Much Bloody Mary Mix was consumed, along with a mysterious active ingredient that made me sociable and happy. I hit the golf ball in a confident and able manner, sending it aloft in straight, true trajectories which landed them for the most part on neatly manicured fairways. Later I enjoyed the company of friends and acquaintances while eating spiced hot-wings and viewing multiple sporting events on large screens. Attractive young women bearing trays of beer catered to my every need.

Yes, this is a good weekend. May you enjoy yours as well

Peace in the Middle East!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Let all people of earth read what I have written.

I'm at the library! But I'm posting this anyways.

I gave up trying to read Atlas Shrugged by next Tuesday, so I bought a copy and took it back. Then I thought, "wouldn't it be super keen to see my web-page from the library?"

Then I thought, what a super-cool frood I'd be if I posted to my blog from a public place, typing shamelessly in full view of my adoring public?

So I sat down at this terminal (K140 if you'd like to make a pilgrimage) and opened the Firefox browser.

I had to put in my library number, which I will not be publishing here. I punched it in a couple times, I have a library card keychain-thingy. I punched it in and it came up wrong, I double-checked the number. It matched the number on the screen, but then I realized I was punching in my BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO card number. I hope some shifty librarian hasn't key-logged my blockbuster number. I'd hate to pay fines for movies like "Out of Africa" or "Sophie's Choice." Friggin' librarians.

I had 4 stops today: A keyboard/spyware job at an used automobile place; a chkdisk/print server job at an accounting office downtown; a fan replacement at some place I have no idea what they do, but I had to call Diebold and another company, and I replaced the fans in a cool server; and finally, document revisions/data backup at an accounting place.

The wife's at work and the kids are at bible camp, so I might stop by for a pint (1) before making back to the homestead.

Let all people of earth read what I have written.


Tuesday, June 20, 2006

pooping out mulberries at an alarming rate

Today I did a “free estimate” for a laptop screen repair. I got the part number anyway. I’ll probably quote too high cause I don’t want to do it. The price will be naturally high because laptop screens are really expensive. I wish I had a laptop screen factory. But I’d have to move to China or India to afford the workers, so I guess I’m glad I don’t have a laptop screen factory.

I put some stamps on some postcards. I went to a print-shop where I might be their new computer guy. I ate some glumkies. I cleaned out my car. I went golfing. I shot a 47. That’s pretty good for me. I like golf. Went with Deb to pick up the girls from bible camp. On the way back, a guy was pealing his tires at every stoplight. He was driving a Mustang. What a jackass.

I’m like, really really tired, because I don’t get enough exercise, so every round of golf on Tuesday is like I ran a marathon or something.

I had three cruncy tacos at Taco Bell. I visited Mark at the Firehouse. I read some more of my book. I actually made a spreadsheet with a chart to figure out how many pages a day I would have to read to finish it before it’s due back at the library. Looks like I’m going to have to buy the book, cause I can’t read that fast. And I’ve already renewed it once already, and I think they only let you renew once. I’m a library geek. Live with it.

There was only one place to put our pool, and unfortunately, it’s under a mulberry tree. The friggin’ mulberry tree is pooping out mulberries at an alarming rate this year. I blame Al Gore and global warming.

Monday, June 19, 2006

today I ate some pasta.

Today is Deb’s Birthday. I got her a LIFE magazine from the week she was born. I bought her some champagne. Some neighbors came over and we had a nice little get-together.

Today I backed up dental information at a dental office, told someone they needed to get a new computer, enabled Adobe PDF printing, and programmed a remote control. I browsed for used books, dropped off a computer, ate some pasta, and printed some postcards.

Yesterday we (the family) took a long walk. I saw a kid with a remote control SUV, and the batteries died. Ha ha.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Father's Day

box-duck-cardboard thingy
Today I was served an omelet in bed that was too large to eat. I'll have the rest for lunch. The girls brought me breakfast in bed, the newspaper, gifts and cards. I couldn't finish the omelet, so I'll have it for lunch.

The girls are at church. They joined a church this week, God bless em. I feel that Sunday is a day of rest, so I'm not going. And church is friggin' BORING.

I'm reading my book and typing once in awhile, and otherwise taking it easy. I'm reading Atlas Shrugged. I'm at the part where they're about to run the train over the bridge made with the controversial "Rearden Metal."

I’m also reading PrairyErth by William Least Heat~Moon. It’s about Kansas. So far. Pretty good, I’ll let you know.

Savannah made a box-duck-cardboard outfit out of two boxes. The whole family took a long walk. It rained.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Tip: Meet the New Neighbors

If you move to a new house, here’s how to meet the new neighbors: Have a Garage Sale. I know this works, because we have had new neighbors for a few weeks now, but I haven’t gone over to introduce myself. Why not? Because I don’t want to meet people simply because some random Realtor showed a random house to some random people. That’s my excuse, I’m really shy. But enough about me: Here’s why you should have a garage sale when you move to a new house: The neighbors, even unsociable dickheads like myself, will come over and introduce themselves and buy some of your junk.

This morning the new neighbors had a garage sale, and I went over and looked at all their junk and introduced myself. I got 4 words for ya: “Framed Dale Earnhardt

But despite that, I met the new neighbor lady, and she’s nice. Deb and Savannah just went over to look at their sale as well. So let’s be neighborly.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Giant Foam Cowboy Hat Thursday

Today I drove twenty miles for a windows xp pro cd, only to be told, oops, it’s a windows 98 cd. damnit. So I stopped to find one, and ended up configuring email configurations for a law office. I made postcards to spread the gospel of my computer fixing miracles, and then I went to the bank. On the way back, I found Gigantic Orange Foam Cowboy hats. I brought them home, and then Savannah and I decided to walk all the way down Plainfield at rush hour wearing those hats. We got 15 honks, 5 “thumbs ups” a “yee-haw” and two “Cute hates” compliments. We made a fine spectacle out of ourselves, and I bet a bunch of people went home and said, “You won’t believe what I saw on the way home . . .”

Then I cut dead wood from the side of the house, and we all went swimming and listened to the oldies station.

About Me

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I am the author of 5 books: Android Down, Firewood for Cannibals, The Cubicles of Madness, Robot Stories, and most recently, Various Meats and Cheeses. I live and write in Michigan. My website is at