Take Me Out to the Ball Game

"In the seventh inning fans all get up and sing 'Take Me Out to the Ball Game,' and they're already there. It's really a stupid thing to say and I don't know who made 'em sing it. Why would somebody that's there get up and sing take me out to the ball game? The first person to do it must have been a moron." - Pitcher Larry Anderson

generic blog post

Inventory the trunk, make postcards, played Wow. What a relaxing afternoon. Worked this morning, did some website update work for a company downtown. I should hit the driving range.

two awesome ideas for corporate america:

idea #1, for Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream:

Introduce a flavor named "Chuck Norris"

idea #2 for Biggby Coffee:

Print the frequency card on the cardboard sleeve so people don't use a new one every time. duh.

Am I not wise and powerful?

The hidden shame of polygamy . . .

Forget the underage girls, the multiple wives and the cultist lifestyle. The real crime committed by the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the practice of dressing their women-folk in those butt-ugly dresses. Damn, give them a burka so they can hide their faces in shame. Shame from wearing those crappy dresses. I'm a guy, I don't know much about fashion, but those dresses suck ass.

pope visits U.S.

The Pope visits the US and this happens:

(NYT)At 4:36 a.m. Central daylight time, a quake of magnitude 5.2 (revised from an initial 5.4) struck the southeastern part of the state, centered five miles from Bellmont, a tiny farm town close to the Wabash River, which marks the border with Indiana.

coincidence? I think not.

Stupid Internal Microsoft Vista SP1 Video - Leaked!

omfg this is friggin' stupid . . .

He's dead Jim.

i had to look in the back of the book

really dumb sentence:

From the New York Times, no less. The story is about the level of noise in Cairo, Egypt. The sentence is:

While noise is never cited as a reason for the spasms of violence, it is a silent enemy that makes the pressures of life that much harder to cope with, people on the streets here said.

"Silent"? Really? Silent noise huh? Brilliant.

from http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/14/world/middleeast/14cairo.html?hp

ha ha ha ha ha i hope you starve you fncking bastard!

WASHINGTON - Alberto R. Gonzales, like many others recently unemployed, has discovered how difficult it can be to find a new job. Mr. Gonzales, the former attorney general, who was forced to resign last year, has been unable to interest law firms in adding his name to their roster, Washington lawyers and his associates said in recent interviews.

Alberto R. Gonzales

He has, through friends, put out inquiries, they said, and has not found any takers. What makes Mr. Gonzales’s case extraordinary is that former attorneys general, the government’s chief lawyer, are typically highly sought.

awesome sentence

Found this awesome sentence in a movie review at slate.com

A good 20 minutes of screen time are devoted solely to convincing us of this character's douchebagdom.

link

The week of breathtaking piles of fncked-up bullshit.

Deb got a flat tire on the van. The Internets were blinking in and out. Had to fix a leak in the roof. Just now Deb's computer wouldn't start, but then started. Left turn signal on Taurus didn't work, then mysteriously started working. Guy wrote me a 500 dollar bad check and now he's in Florida and won't return my friggin calls. That's okay, I know where his office is. GodDammit.

160 miles of awesomeness

Yesterday I dug a rotten old tree root out of the ground with an axe. I burned an old wooden swing-set the girls outgrew last year. I drank Coronas and sat in the sun. I worked on a short story I'm going to send out. I played World of Warcraft. I puttered around the house.

Today I had SIX stops. I spread technological goodness all over the city, from Grand Haven on Ada to Kalamazoo Avenue to Rockford. 160 miles of awesomeness without even leaving "town".

The van had a flat tire, had to take the tire in for repairs. My internet connection was off and on all day.

I ran 4 miles.

All in all, a pretty sweet day. And the basketball tourney final is tonight. woot I say. woot.

movie review: imperium: agustus

Imperium: augustus

2003

*

This unwatchable piece of shit was a made-for-tv movie. I thought it might be okay cause Peter O'Toole was the main character. He used to be a great actor, but now he's a quivering sack of withered flesh. I rented it with my monthly free rental from Blockbuster, which is a good thing, because the acting was so bad I never found out if anyone was smokin' hot. ~ 01.12.07

april fools joke . . . impressive

http://www.google.com/virgle/index.html

Picture of Toast appears on portrait of Jesus! It's a miracle!

swiped from: http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/weblog/comments/5132/

Parental Controls for 41 Year old Man . . .

Today I had to put parental controls on my own World of Warcraft account to keep myself from playing it constantly. Not sure if it will work or not, but so far I've stayed off it.

Returned 1 machine, picked another one up and fixed a network due to sweet, sweet spring lightning, the very act of God that puts money in my pocket. Go Nature!

panic!

creepy virtual woman

CUBOCC

creepy virtual woman follows mouse. damn.

Sunday: The day of Easter Bla Bla

The sky is clear, but the air is cold. And that cold air busted me up when I tried to run today. Friggin' winter, go away already. It hangs around like a visitor that has overstayed its welcome. Deb was in Flint Friday and Saturday. We held the fort down reasonably well. Today she got home. It's Easter, so we went out to eat at Johnny Carino's. I had spaghetti.

I finished reading On Writing, by Stephen King. Damn good book. It gave clear advice from a guy who has made a boat-load of money writing books.

I bought a new machine for work. I'm starting to get SATA drives, and my 400MHZ Gateway with the IDE controllers can't cut the mustard. I have a converter that works half the time but the transfer rate is for shit and it takes forever to rescue a client's first season of "Desperate Housewives" iTunes files. So I got a new machine.

My March Madness bracket is in the can already, but as of this writing, Brian is on top by three points.

I keep telling myself, spring warm-up is just around the corner, but I'm starting to have my doubts.

I'm still working on my newest bestseller. I'm 90 typewritten pages in and counting.

Rush's "The Fountain of Lamneth" from "Caress of Steel" is a mere 19:58 minutes of geeky fantasy-rock goofiness, but it is still pretty good. I got the iTunes on shuffle.

Well, if you've read this far, I've got to give you credit for hanging in there. This is a hefty blog post, and I appreciate you reading this last sentence.

Oh yeah, Billy Thorp's "Children of the Sun" just came on. I must stop typing now and commence air-guitar. There is nothing more pathetic than a 41 year old man doing air-guitar in his tiny office.

take this test. it's really quick

take this test. found at http://www.dvorak.org/blog/

world of warcraft . . . not going to get you laid . . .

Thanks mark for the link to this image.

I am at the hockey game with dan, don, and matt.

generic blog post

Today (Saturday) The girls had volleyball games in the morning. I bought some food at the grocery store. Took the girls to a Griffins Hockey game. They lost 2-1 to the Lake Erie Monsters. Then I played World of Warcraft.

Gov. Elliot Spitzer busted for high-priced prostitute

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

His nickname was "Mr. Clean". Why do the wives of these assholes stand by them while they make their public apology? Why? It's stupid. Why doesn't her DIVORCE LAWYER stand next to him?

The Credit Crunch

If we were really a Chri$tian nation, and we're obviously not, we wouldn't have a credit crunch. Oh America, you nation of Chri$tians, are you really following your bible? I think not:

Exodus 22:25

New American Standard Bible
"If you lend money to My people, to the poor among you, you are not to act as a creditor to him; you shall not charge him interest.

King James Bible
If thou lend money to any of my people that is poor by thee, thou shalt not be to him as an usurer, neither shalt thou lay upon him usury.

Leviticus 25:36

Take thou no usury of him, or increase: but fear thy God; that thy brother may live with thee.

Take no interest from him or profit, but fear your God; that your brother may live among you.

much bla bla about stuff

The sun is out and I thought, "Today I start training for the marathon". I located my stylish tracksuit my mother-in-law bought me a few years ago, and then I checked the weather channel to see the temperature: 14 miserable degrees (F). Dammit!

Yesterday I dropped checked my cell phone from an altitude of 4 feet. Grand Rapids is 610 feet above sea level, and the check surface was hard tile. I am pleased to report that my Samsung SCH-a870 cell phone passed with flying colors, bouncing approximately 1 foot in the air with an amazing spin rate while I exclaimed "SHIT!" and caught it before the second bounce. Cell phone checks 4.0 after drop check. In short, my phone was on the washer and I knocked it off and it fell.

I Heard some good reviews about a movie "Paranoid Park" on the radio.

Had lunch with a few friends at The Beltline Bar, which amazingly, is not on the Beltline. They make a mean burrito, aptly named "The Famous" and I was scoring some legendary farts later that afternoon.

Doom and gloom in the economic front. Jobs are more scarce, gasoline has hit record highs, and the dollar is sucking ass vs every other currency on the planet.

I've heard a lot of economic experts trying to say whether or not we are in a recession. Let me, Dan Manning, put the question to rest.

Yes, we are in a recession Here is the research to back up my claim:

If you have to ask if you're in a recession, you're in a recession.

OK? Everybody clear now?

The Blog Post I Posted Thursday

I've been playing way too much World of Warcraft. I haven't been writing. At all. Last night Don and I went to see the Griffins play the Toronto Marlies. They won 5-3. After that we stopped in to Hopcat to have a beer. There were people there in very flamboyant pirate hats. That was cool.

At work, a law office was flooded when a pipe burst. A tax preparation office was riddled with spyware. An outlook PST file was corrupt. I did some minor web development. Spyware is making a big comeback. I had to go to my old employer because a contractor there can't get the IT guys to help him with anything. I went into the murky depths of the cubicle farm and was so glad I was no longer a cubicle dweller.

I am going to enter a chess tournament April 5th. I played against the Xbox and realized I suck at chess. Reading chess books is not the same as playing chess.

It's running season again. As spring approaches, I get out my running shoes and let them sit in plain sight for about a week, then I will consider running.

When I went to VA for Jim's retirement, he had this great booze at his house: PAMA Pomegranate Liqueur. God-damn, that's some tasty booze. It will give you a headache.

youtube searchables:

funny stuff to search on youtube:

"benny lava"
"italian spiderman"
"sarah silverman singing"

In Virginia

I am in Virginia for Jim's retirement. There is no snow here and it is warm. Watching tv and drinking coffee with Superman, who is pantless Recording a podcast. According to the weatherman, it is snowing back in Michigan.

the history of evil . . .animated

awesome definition:

Fractal Wrongness:

The state of being wrong at every conceivable scale of resolution. That is, from a distance, a fractally wrong person's worldview is incorrect; and furthermore, if you zoom in on any small part of that person's worldview, that part is just as wrong as the whole worldview.

Debating with a person who is fractally wrong leads to infinite regress, as every refutation you make of that person's opinions will lead to a rejoinder, full of half-truths, leaps of logic, and outright lies, that requires just as much refutation to debunk as the first one. It is as impossible to convince a fractally wrong person of anything as it is to walk around the edge of the Mandelbrot set in finite time.

If you ever get embroiled in a discussion with a fractally wrong person on the Internet--in mailing lists, newsgroups, or website forums--your best bet is to say your piece once and ignore any replies, thus saving yourself time.

Good news black fans, there's an even blacker black now available

Thank goodness! Scientists have discovered the blackest black ever. When will it be available for tee-shirts?

Charles Barkley: Friggin Awesome

http://www.breitbart.tv/html/48184.html

Tell it like it is man!

The poetry of Roger Clemens

The poetry of Roger Clemens. - By Hart Seely - Slate Magazine
That's a funny way to put it. Poetry

AOL: a clown-hat duct-taped to the Mona Lisa

I am the king of reformats. I can take a crappy machine and fine-tune it into an Internet slicing work of art.

So some of my customers us AOL, a bloated crapfest software abomination.

So after I make this masterpiece, I have to load this throbbing goiter onto the PC.

It's like if I went to the Louvre in Paris and duct-taped a cardboard clown hat on the Mona Lisa.

What a shame, what a horrible shame . . .

Baseball and Performance Enhancing Drugs

Congress is wasting our tax dollars grilling Roger Clemens and his former trainer Brian McNamee on which one of them are lying about Performance Enhancing Drugs. I don't care and neither should you and I. If rich guys who get paid to hit a ball and run around in a circle want to take PED.s (is that an acronym?) let them.

Clemens: "Let me be clear, I have never taken steroids or HGH."

McNamee: "Make no mistake, when I told Sen. Mitchell I had injected Roger Clemens with performance-enhancing drugs, I told the truth."

In fact, all professional athletes should be REQUIRED to take PEDs. Then we could get on with our lives and sleep peacefully, knowing that a bunch of rich dudes are playing their sports on an even playing field.

Could we please, please waste our tax dollars on more important things, like useless wars and pork-barrel spending?

today's bla bla

You know, it's a waste of time staying sober when you stay up till 2:30 in the morning listening to your iPod after staying up til midnight playing World of Warcraft. Performing sleep deprivation experiments on yourself mid-week is stupid. That's no way for a grown man to act. Suprisingly, I'm in a good mood.

Spring is in the air! This morning it is a balmy 19 degrees, not the bone-crushing, soul-taking crippling cold we've been having recently.

Who the @#$%^ is Amy Winehouse? The first thing I ever heard of about her was that she was a drugged up "troubled singer" headed for rehab or worse. I was like, "okay cnn.com, never heard of her, i really don't give a sh!t". Then I stumbled across an article on Slate with a YouTube link to her Grammy performance. Turns out she's not just a British version or our own drunk, stupid, suicide-in-waiting Britney Spears. She's not just a drunk bimbo. She's actually talented, and kind of hot in a sleazy, white-trash way.

Temperatures are up, Hillary is down. Business is up. Snow plows are catching up, and there are only 36 days until spring.

Let all peoples of Earth live in peace and Harmony.

some notes from The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Behold Genius:

These are the notes from chapter 5 of The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky I'm in the middle of reading it (actually, pg. 64) and it kicks ass. Anywhoo, I looked it up on Wikipedia, and they had this page of notes Dostoyevsky made while working on chapter 5. Damn. I got notes like that , but my writing sucks. (So far)

generic blog post

Today I synched 25 GB of data goodness. I repaired a CD player by cleaning up the Operating System. It took an hour to drive from downtown to home because of the snow. Tomorrow I get my taxes done.

laptop issue from hell

Had the weirdest of problem; one laptop could only access one website from their office network, but all the other machines worked fine. The laptop worked fine on any other network. I got it fixed (reformat) but I never figured out what caused the problem. Otherwise things have been pretty uneventful.

17-14: Awesome

The Giants beat the Patriots. There's probably enough written about it on the Internets. What an fantastic win. I actually jumped off the couch when the Giants made that last touchdown. Fantastic. Mannings rule the Superbowl! Ha ha ha Patriots! Yay.

waiting for wings

I wrote this waiting for my order at buffalo wild wings. It isn't easy to type on this thing, but it gives me something to do while I wait. I also like how everybody looks longingly at this shiny gadget

PSA: too much television

Oompa Loompa doompadee doo, I've got another puzzle for you, oompa Loompa doompadah dee, if you are wise you'll listen to me. What do you get from a glut of TV? A pain in the neck and an IQ of three. Why don't you try simply reading a book? Or could you just not bear to look? You'll get no, you'll get no, you'll get no, you'll get no, you'll get no commercials. Oompa Loompa Doompadee Dah, if you're not greedy you will go far. You will live in happiness too. Like the Oompa Oompa Loompa doompadee do.

book review: 1984 by George Orwell

#41 1984

George Orwell

1949

* * * * *

If you read it a long time ago when you were a kid, read it again. I love this novel, and the writing style is fantastic. Did you know Orwell is only a pen name? The author's real name was Eric Blair. ~ January 29, 2008

See all my book reviews at danmanning.com/37.html

movie review: no country for old men

no country for old men

2008

* * * * *

The Cohen Brother's do it again in another jaw-dropping mesmerizing movie. Tommy Lee Jones is a great lawman, as he always is. The ending promped one dumbfounded moviegoer in our theatre to go "what?" as the credits popped on the screen, but this is a masterpiece. Un-friggin-believable. The bad guy, played by Javier Bardem is terrifying, and Kelly Macdonald, the trailer park bound wife of the good guy, is smokin' hot. ~ 06.17.07

See all my movie reviews at http://www.danmanning.com/38.php

hey hey we're the U.S. Navy Monkees . . .

It's 5:20 in the morning. I dreamed I was back in the Navy. Some friends and I were at the base "mall" and we ordered cinnamon rolls at one of those stores in the mall that sell cinnamon rolls. Then three of my friends decided to break into the theme song from "The Monkees" and everyone joined in. Weird.

time lapse film collection

http://fogonazos.blogspot.com/2008/01/13-time-lapse-wonders.html

USB - 2.0, 3.0, Wireless, port, Hi-Speed, Gadgets - Everything USB

USB - 2.0, 3.0, Wireless, port, Hi-Speed, Gadgets - Everything USB

informative!

the first starship Enterprise crewmember to be killed off

Michael Zaslow was the first red-shirt on Star Trek (original series) to get killed off. Wiki entry here. thanks Barry for that awesome info.

because

This weekend I did a whole lotta nuthin because there was nothing to do. I kept a fire in the fireplace because it is nut-crackin' cold outside. I watched football because there is a Superbowl coming up. I played World of Warcraft because it is friggin' awesome, and I worked on the plot of the second part of my bestselling novel, because I am a super-genius.

Now I am going to go to the dentist because my teeth are horrible. I'm wearing my slippers because my office has no carpet. I got my hair cut after 301 days because I couldn't stand it, and I'm going to Byron Center today because somebody's computer doesn't work.

Okay, you're all caught up on the awesomeness that is danmanning because you read this post. Have a nice day because your going to have to get through it, and the only thing you can really control is your attitude.

Generic blog post, Wednesday

Today I replaced another slow computer. Yesterday I retrieved some deleted bookkeeping files from a pc. I encrypted an external hard drive for an accounting firm. I set up a Windows Live account for a different accounting firm. I cut spam at a law office. I fixed a wireless connection; they had two "linksys" wireless networks in their house and didn't realize it. One was secured with one code, the other with a different code. The laptops were understandably confused. At home I moved the bunk-bed from downstairs to Alex's room. I got my hair cut. I didn't vote in the Michigan primary because the Democrat$ managed to screw that up and no one I liked was on the ballot. I quit reading Hemingway and started reading Orwell. I started taking vitamins. Vitamin B and D, taken together, are like speed. I have too much energy. It's freaking me out. I’m making a lot of lists. Everything is alphabetized and cleaned up.

before and after 301 days without haircut

64 days short of a year. I couldn't take it anymore

oh, so THAT'S how a sewing machine works . . .

I always wondered how they worked.







Swiped from http://www.dvorak.org/blog/.

movie review: i am legend

i am legend

2007

* * * *

The Fresh Prince has come a long way. I have to admit Will Smith did a great acting job in this movie, which had a lot to do with going crazy from solitary confinement. The story had a couple of weak points, like the immaculate car in the end and the female lead had perfect makeup. And oh yes, the female lead, Alice Braga is smokin' hot. ~ 01.12.08

see all my awesome movie reviews at here

upgrade from Vi$ta to XP today.

Today I get to do my first upgrade from Vi$ta to sweet, sweet Window$ XP. Since the machine is already bulked up with 2G ram to handle the lethargic, massive bloatware that is Vi$ta, it goes really really fast with XP. I love doing "upgrades."

news you won't see

Check out this site: theuptake.org
Lots of interviews with people you'll never hear from otherwise. Pretty interesting

generic blog post on Saturday Night

The place where we went to shoot pool Thursday was one of those working class joints with one pool table, two booths, a few chairs, and a bar in the dark corner away from the windows. The waitress was an aging beauty with too much red lipstick and a baseball cap and ponytail. The pool table was slightly warped, and the ball would move slightly toward the door, where an overweight kid who barely looked old enough to drink checked IDs at the door. They started karaoke at nine and some gal in tight jeans and frizzy hair sang a Crystal Gayle song. Playing pool, I actually made a jump shot to sink the six ball into the side pocket. I also made a bank shot to sink the eight ball. These things have never happened to me before. But I scratched a lot and everybody let me know about it. We got out of there early, and we were back by ten.

I had a laptop to reformat, and I was doing the reformat and left for awhile and came back and it was dead and it wouldn't start. The battery recharge light wouldn't come on. I took the entire thing apart in a panic before I finally called the owner and asked if she'd had problems charging the battery. "Oh yeah," she said. She'd forgot to mention that little detail, how you had to hold the power cord "just so" to make it charge the battery. Dammit. Not only was the operating system trashed, the screen was stained from smoke and there were seeds or something in the keyboard and I cleaned all that out and now it shines like new with a pure OS in a filthy apartment.

Today I took the girls and my niece and nephew sledding at Proven trails where we were lucky to escape with our lives because the snow was packed solid on this steep hill with solid trees at the bottom and if you don't steer carefully you get a face full of pine and possibly a broken skull or fractured bone. No one got hurt and after that irresponsible Uncle-ing I went and got KFC for everybody.

I love it when the in-laws visit, they are cool in-laws, but after having anyone visiting for awhile, the house seems huge after they leave. So now I live in a big house.

I'm just glad that finally, FINALLY, the holidays are over. I have lots of work already lined up for next week, so I'm pretty happy about everything and everybody.

Another year, and another year of bla bla bla

Last night we rang in the New Year here at the house. Dick Clark is old and scary now; he slurs his words and reminds us all that death is the ultimate end. Do we need to be reminded of that on New Year's Eve of all nights? He should do a "Dick Clark's Rockin' Halloween" special, where his ghoulishness would fit in better with the spirit of the season. Why don't they just have the CryptKeeper puppet host the New Year's ball drop? He's got more life in him than Dick Clark.

Today is one of those lazy days with nothing to do. I'm playing World of Warcraft. I printed out my 2007 journal. I'm rereading the short stories of Ernest Hemingway. It snowed last night, but the shoveling was easy. I ate two corn dogs.

book review, the Golden Compass

#40 The Golden Compass

Philip Pullman

1995

* * *

The writing and scenes were well done, but the story didn't do anything for me. Lots of people are saying this is a great book, and it is pretty good, but it doesn't live up to all the hype. ~ December 30, 2007

The Cris Collinsworth School of Classical Music Appreciation.

Cris Collinsworth is so annoying my daughters mentioned the annoying man talking over the football game, so we were forced to mute the television and put on classical music during the Patriots/Giants game instead of listening to that blowhard Cris Collinsworth ruin another football game. We enjoyed Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries", Prokofiev's "Montagues and Capulets", Pachelbel's "Canon" and a host of other classics. My thanks goes out to Cris Collinsworth for an enjoyable evening with my family listening to classics so we wouldn't have to listen to you for 4+ hours being stupid.

(Contrats Pats)

I woke up at 5:00 this morning and cleaned my desk. I sent out 4 short stories, and through the miracle of electronic mail messages, or "email" as the kids like to call it, I got a reject letter the SAME DAY! A first. I re-wrote the ending to one story.

Savannah drew the most amazing bird sketches. They are suitable for framing.

Alex found 6 state quarters for our state quarters collection book.

Spoke to Barry for about an hour. Sat in front of the fire and read a book and wrote while Deb and the Girls went to baby Savannah's 2nd birthday party.

I had a root canal yesterday. Today I have vicodin :)

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everybody. The presents are opened, the fire is in the fireplace, the wrapping paper is burned, and we're just chilling out at the Manning estate.

hyper realistic sculptures by ron mueck

these statues are friggin awesome. here's the link heard about it on the dawn and drew show.

i like turtles!

if the beatles wrote "stairway to heaven"

found at http://www.dvorak.org

This is possibly the Greatest Video EVER!

You've got to see this video, it is the best thing I've seen on the Internet in a long time.

41 Years of Television Programming

Here's the List of Crap I've watched. It's off the top of my head and probably incomplete and inaccurate, but here it is:

Yogi Bear; Scoobie-Doo; Speed Buggy; Lost in Space; Bewitched; I Dream of Jeanie; Ultraman; Gilligan's Island; Green Acres; Leave It to Beaver; Grape Ape; Rocky & Bulwinkle; Kojack; Charlie's Angels; Brady Bunch; The Lawrence Welk Show; Dukes of Hazard; Mannix; Dr. Who; Star Trek; Sesame Street; Electric Company; Zoom; Nova; Battlestar Galactica; Twilight Zone; Night Gallery; Night Stalker; The Six Million Dollar Man; The Bionic Woman; The Incredible Hulk; Wonder Woman; The Incredible Hulk; Fantasy Island; The Price is Right; Name that Tune; Hollywood Squares; To Tell the Truth; The Gong Show; Dancing with The Stars; Sonny and Cher; Shields and Yarnell Show; Candid Camera; Cosby Show; Who's the Boss; Three's Company; All in The Family; Rhoda; Alice; Frasier; One Day At a Time; Cheers; Dallas; In Living Color; MadTV; Saturday Night Live; Austin City Limits; Second City Television (SCTV); Partridge Family; My Three Sons; Family Affair; Greatest American Hero; CSI; X-Files; Pee Wee Herman Show; Bugs Bunny Road Runner Show; Carol Burnett; Kids In the Hall; Seinfeld; Gunsmoke; The Cisco Kid; Bonanza; Kung Fu; The Simpsons; Futurama; 60 Minutes; Nightline; COPS; Survivor; American Idol; Hardy Boys; Nancy Drew; Drew Cary Show; Who's Line Is It Anyway; Reno 911; Sarah Silverman Program; Spongebob Squarepants; Dirty Jobs; Speed Racer; Charmed; 90210; Different World; Fat Albert; What's Happening; Maud; The Jeffersons; Good Times; Real World; Big Brother; The Bachelor; Joker's Wild; Who Wants to be a Millionaire?; American Gladiator; Ninja Warrior; Battle of the Network Stars; Acceptable TV; Roseanne; Flinstones; Jetsons; The Land of The Lost; Wonderful World of Disney; Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom; ; Quantum Leap; Petticoat Juntion; Donnie and Marie Show; Crocodile Hunter; David Letterman; Little House on The Prairie; The Saint; Emergency; Marcus Welby, M.D.; Doogie Houser; Allie McBeal; Boston Legal; C.H.I.P.S.; Columbo; Let's Make a Deal; Tonight Show; The Daily Show; Stephen Colbert; Different Strokes; Captain Kangaroo; Bozo the Clown; Kukla, Fran, and Ollie; Wheel of Fortune; Jeopardy; $64,000 Pyramid; Starsky and Hutch; Baretta; Facts of Life; H.R. Pufnstuf, Southpark; Monty Python's Flying Circus; Young Ones; Tom and Jerry; Underdog; Mighty Mouse; The Man From Atlantis; Three Stooges; Little Rascals; Abbot and Costello; Hawaii Five-O; Dragnet; Get Smart; Lassie; Munsters; Adams Family; Johnny Quest; Batman; Superman; Superfriends; Laugh-In; The Monkees; Josie and The Pussycats; Archie; Marries . . . With Children; The Wolfman Jack Show; Grizzly Adams; Flipper; Gomer Pyle; Andy Griffith; Hogan's Heroes.

Television delivers people

google this:

Treasury Enforcement Communication System

Your Government Loves You.

notes from the coffee shop

I’m in a Beaner’s Coffee Shop, and there are three young men writing some theological paper for college, something about "God gave man free will", and "Man walked away from God” etc, etc, and they are right at the next table. I want to scream, “You idiots are arguing and spending all this time about something that doesn’t exist! You might as well be arguing about Battlestar Galactica plot points!”

But I’m doing the same thing, because In the back of my mind, I think someone is going to read these words, but that “someone” may never exist.

(later . . .) These idiots are still at it. Now they’re trying to argue why Jesus was put on the cross. I’ve always imagined in my mind Christians sitting around debating how many angels can fit on the head of a pin, but I never imagined a stupider exchange of hot air in my most derisive imaginings. These two are so incredibly stupid.

(still later . . .)and now they’re parsing the word “submit” as in “wives submit to their husband.” The one guy actually says: “So I looked up the meaning of the word ‘submit’ and it doesn’t actually mean ‘submit.’”

I swear I want to strangle these stupid bastards.

Jesus F*cking Christ, will you guys stop wasting my money on this retarded sh*t?

Behold House Resolution 847, one of the many things on which these fucktards in the 110th Congre$$ are wasting time. The intrinsic retardation of this piece of shit legislation transcends satire or mockery. This bill is it's own comedy bit. The very radioactive nature of its stupidity, its disregard for the separation of Church and State, and the blatant use of a loaded issue to coerce votes boggles the mind and reaffirms my 0% hope in anything positive emerging from this cabal of worthless corporate-cock-sucking plutocrats.

spend $250.00 on a chance to win a doll! cripes!

So I'm listening to the local radio, usually I listen to NPR cause I like to think I'm a brainiac snob, but today I'm listening to (radio voice) Classic Rock 96.9 WLAV and they run this commercial from Woodland mall. It has two lady shoppers at the mall chatting, and they say something about "every time you spend $250.00 and be entered in an American Girl sweepstakes." and I'm thinking, who in the HELL is spending $250.00 at the mall more than once? Who are these people? So I check the website:

Spend $250 in one day in any store inside Woodland Mall between November 19 and December 16, 2007, bring your receipts to the Customer Service Desk and your receipts will be totaled, rounding to the nearest whole dollar and stamped as proof of expenditure. If your receipts total $250 or more from any store inside Woodland, you will be entered into a drawing to win an American Girl Doll with a retail value of $87. Only one prize awarded per person for any drawing.

I dunno, it just seems weird. Think I'll mention The Story of Stuff with Annie Leonard again.

relaxo music

Hi!

Do you have the Internets? Do you have headphones? Then go to this place:

http://artists4mercy.org/Main.htm

and give it a listen. It's relaxo music.

what your government is up to:

wanna be scared:

How about H.R. 1955, where they basically outlaw revolution; so you can't even talk about the government when they start really screwing up.

and H.R. 3791, where they'll hold anyone with an open wireless connection (coffee shops, bookstores, etc) responsible if someone looks at something bad on the Internets.

The Story of Stuff with Annie Leonard

The Story of Stuff with Annie Leonard I highly recommend spending twenty minutes watching this

blue moose moon zoo

blue moose moon zoo
frog toast flower dance
fish creep tickle pig
dog need wonder butt
book cake window nose
rain red monkey stuff
plant dream music big
eye boy water light
girl good summer bug
hug song yellow run

Book Review: Pride and Prejudice

#39 Pride and Prejudice

Jane Austen

1813

* * *

I know this is supposed to be a girl's book, but I read it anyway for the "what's the big deal" factor, because there are so many people (women) who are really into Jane Austen. Basically, Elizabeth goes to tea and visits friends and nothing happens. Mr. Darcy is a jerk, but then turns out he isn't a jerk. Various people say things. I couldn't finish this because I guess I'm too stupid to read it, or I'm a guy. Anyway, I don't get it. ~ November 26, 2007

more awesome book reviews by me can be found here

More than usual photoshop contest

Worth1000.com | Photoshop Contests | Are you Worthy™ | contest

smells like an army of one?

Wow, that's a career change:

The Army first reached out to parents in 2005 as part of its Army of One campaign by advertising giant Leo Burnett. These ads were directed by Samuel Bayer, who made his mark directing Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” video.

link

Interactive Social Contract V.1.1

Interactive Social Contract V.1.1 Finally, a Interactive Social Contract for the rest of us. Read and add to this magnificent tome. Found at zefrank.org's blog.

SCAB WRITER FOR HIRE!!

Hell, why not? I can write funny stuff for talk shows. Hire me to write your funny material. How hard can it be? Half the stuff on late night isn't that funny anyway. Except the Daily Show. I don't have the moxie for that.

amazon's customer service number

~ ~ ~

1-800-201-7575

~ ~ ~

really long blog post about stuff

Today I did many things. I installed AV software. I exported contacts and calendars. I taught basic networking and backup procedures. I uninstalled bad software. I uninstalled bad software that had cost this company a lot of money. I replaced that software with .CSV files. The RFC dealing with Comma Separated Values is RFC 4180 and is found at this address: http://tools.ietf.org/html/rfc4180. All of this makes me sound like a smarty-pants, but those of you in the know know better. a CSV file is a text file. Text files are cool.

Then I networked network printing goodness, which, as all of you know, makes its own gravy. Then I had two hamburgers and a regular order of fries at a new place I've discovered, McDonalds. Then I drove home. Then I went to the gym and ran on the treadmill and did some sit-ups and lifted a few weights.

Later I'm going to drink wine and watch TV with the missus. Before I do that, I'm going to work on my bestselling novel. After all that I'm probably going to go to sleep. While I'm asleep I'm probably going to dream about stuff, but I won't remember that stuff when I wake up because I rarely remember my dreams, and that's too bad, because I probably dream all kinds of cool stuff, like I have super powers or something. If I had super powers, I'd fly around and right wrongs. I'd fly around in my 2002 Ford Taurus, ending wars and bringing down a healthy can of whoop-ass on a lot of rich bastards. ("waterboarding isn't torture? then you don't mind trying it out for yourself huh?") I'd cure cancer and grow limbs back on all the people, and fuse spines and cause corn to grow in places like Darfur. I'd turn all land-mines into pumpkins and all automatic weapons into those plastic tubes you spin around, and they whistle? You know, those orange and green flexible tubes, and the only reason they are there so kids can spin them around and they whistle? The problem with those, at least when I was a kid, is that eventually we'd get bored and start wailing on each other with them, and that hurts. Almost as much as hot-wheel tracks. Ever get beat with a hot-wheel track? Those orange pieces of plastic about a yard long? That hurts like a m0thrfckr.

My friggin' dog is outside barking. Ginger is a beautiful dog, but she's the last friggin' dog we'll ever own because I'm getting semi-old and I'm sick of messing around with the dog, but of course, whenever I see her I immediately start baby-talking to her, and I'm pretty sure if anyone hears me they'll think I'm a crazy person.

I downloaded the movie NETWORK on the tivo, and I'm looking forward to seeing it. I saw this crazy paranoid video called THE ZEITGUIST on Google Video and now I'm all conspiracy theory in the head. But not really. I still don't buy the "911 was an inside job" theory, even though it is true the neocon fascists used it to invade Iraq. That's okay, I'm so tired of being outraged I'm not outraged anymore.

Well anywhoo, nothing happened today. Goodnight and good luck

Carlin!

the 15 lateral play explained

J a n c e e D u n n: J.C. Penney's 1975 catalog: Not Suitable For Young Children

J a n c e e D u n n: J.C. Penney's 1975 catalog: Not Suitable For Young Children

undersimplify

~ ~ ~

undersimplify. I just woke up and was thinking that word, and I thought, "damn, I bet no one has ever thought of that word." Undersimplify would mean to make things too complicated, as in, "You're undersimplifying this. It's not that hard."

But Alas, I Googled it, and yes, somebody else already thought of the word "undersimplify".

But it is a damn fine unword nonetheless.

Okay, it's 4:30ish in the morning, I'm going back to bed.

~ ~ ~

PS: Oh yeah, Google owns Blogger right? Why does the verb "Googled" trigger the spellchecker but "Google" doesn't? Andy why does "spellchecker" trigger the spellchecker? I'm supposed to make the word "spellchecker" into two words? I don't think so.

This post was posted without the use of drugs or alcohol. Really.

Procrastination Flowchart

flowchart.jpg (JPEG Image, 974x792 pixels)

No, Barry Bonds never took steroids:

From the book Game of Shadows:

"Since joining the Giants, Bonds had gone from a size 42 to a size 52 jersey; from size 10 ½ to size 13 cleats; and from a size 7 1/8 to size 7 ¼ cap, even though he had taken to shaving his head.."

Full grown men don't do that. At least they're not supposed to.

this is one reason is why network news sucks:

ABC News opening story for Friday, November 16:

Barry Bonds took steroids, and baseball has a steroids problem. How much time did they spend on this? 4:48. Almost 5 minutes on a stupid game.

The second story? A typhoon kills at least 1100 people. Time spent: 1:33. Less than two minutes on a catastrophe bigger than 9/11. Not only were those people killed, but their farms and homes were destroyed.

If every professional baseball player overdosed with steroids and died tomorrow, the world would be a better place because baseball is stupid.

That's one reason why network news sucks.

How to Cure a Hangover - Mahalo

How to Cure a Hangover - Mahalo

Please God, send us some more water so we can waste it!

~ ~ ~

So, they're having a drought in the Southeast.

Ga. Governor Prays for Rain at Capitol

By GREG BLUESTEIN – 1 day ago

ATLANTA (AP) — Georgia Gov. Sonny Perdue stepped up to a podium outside the state Capitol on Tuesday and led a solemn crowd of several hundred people in a prayer for rain on his drought-stricken state.

"We've come together here simply for one reason and one reason only: To very reverently and respectfully pray up a storm," Perdue said after a choir provided a hymn. link

Isn't God the one holding the rain back in the first place? I mean really. And if He has a reason to send a drought down on Georgia, maybe it isn't our place to try to talk him out of it.

There are home owner's associations that won't allow people to hang out their laundry. No, that would ruin the aesthetics of the neighborhood. There are people who dig wells in their own yards so they can get past water restrictions. Not so they can save water, not so they can cut down on usage, but so they can water their lawns.

Yes, I think I know why God is causing droughts, fires, floods, and hurricanes all over the planet: God is trying to save the planet by wiping out the stupid, undeserving, fossile-fuel burning warlike primates that can't take a hint.

the fastest car in the world

found at Mittopia, a pretty cool blog.

No, you can't have your day in court. Now shut the f**k up and pay your parking ticket.

~ ~ ~

Cities Eliminate Right to Contest Parking Tickets
Boston, Massachusetts and Washington, DC effectively eliminate the right to contest parking tickets.

In an attempt to stem the loss of revenue from motorists contesting parking tickets, cities are effectively eliminating the traditional due process rights of motorists to defend themselves at an impartial hearing. By the end of next year, Washington, DC's Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) will not allow anyone who believes he unfairly received a citation to have his day in an administrative hearing.

"DMV will complete the phase-out of in-person adjudication of parking tickets in favor of mail-in and e-mail adjudication by December 2008," the Fiscal Year 2008 DMV plan states.

The move is intended to allow automated street sweeper parking ticket machines to boost the number of infractions cited well beyond the 1.6 million currently handed out by meter maids. As one-third of those who contest citations in the city are successful, the hearings cut significantly into the $100 million in revenue tickets generate each year.

Under the DMV's plan, motorists will only be able to object to a ticket by email or letter where city employees can ignore or reject letters in bulk without affected motorists having any realistic recourse. That's not good enough for residents like Emily Miller, who told us that being able to present her case in person was essential. The Sunday school teacher was found not guilty at an administrative DMV hearing in June of driving with an open container of coffee. She was so thrilled with her victory that she decided to fight a parking ticket issued to her in a location where the parking signs were contradictory.

Motorists in many cities besides DC complain about unfair citations. So far, Baltimore, Maryland's Inspector General has uncovered 10,000 bogus parking tickets issued to innocent motorists. In Boston and other cities in Massachusetts, motorists cannot challenge a $100 parking ticket in court without first paying a $275 court fee. If found innocent, the motorist does not receive a refund of the $275.

found here

Source: FY08 Performance Plan (Washington DC Department of Motor Vehicles, 11/9/2007)

generic blog post

hi everybody.

today i stopped at 4 places and fixed computers. one of the houses was very large. i ran 4 miles and now i'm typing this. some other stuff happened.

thanks for stopping by. if more stuff happens, i'll type about it here.

set phaser on AWESOME!

Blu-Ray Laser Phaser! - video powered by Metacafe

electricCar=cool?

gr half marathon

behold my awesomeness!

There's no "i" in "team." But there is a "m" and an "e".

The "me" in team kind of negates the entire "there's no 'i' in team" saying doesn't it? Remember folks: there's an "m" and an "e" in "team".

You have to have a little "me" time once in awhile. So this Friday, take a few more minutes on that smoke break. Take your time coming back from lunch, or don't come back at all if you can get away with it. Surf the Internets when you are supposed to be working. And while you do your actual work, don't give a 100%. Give 40%. You and I both know you're not getting paid as much as you're worth. Remember, you are the "me" in "team".

That's my motivational team-building snippit for Friday. Use it in staff meetings or at any other place where people are all like, "rah rah go team."

I'm watching Southpark!

The following conversation took place between a 41 year old man (me) and his 12 year old daughter (Savannah)

Savannah: "Dad, can we play the Wii?"
Me: "I'm watching Southpark!"

This actually took place.